First date pros and cons

2 May 2007

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2007190524,00.html

Quality journalism from the UK's "The Sun" as usual laughing9

Not everyone's in agreement on this one.... dontknow

Is sex on a first date wrong?

By BELLA BATTLE
April 30, 2007

SEX on a first date is for one-night stands, right? Well, actually, no.

According to new book The Rough Guide to the Brain, sleeping with someone early on can INCREASE your chances of a long-term relationship.

Author and biologist Dr Barry Gibb reckons romps spark chemical changes in the brain that lead to love.

He explains: “During sex and particularly orgasm, the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin are released, which are associated with the build-up of commitment, bonding and trust.”

So if that’s the case, can it really be so wrong to bounce into bed together from day one?

Here top sexperts Sarah Hedley and Dr Petra Boynton argue for and against first-night nookie with your fella.

IS IT BAD TO HAVE SEX ON A FIRST DATE?

YES
SARAH HEDLEY is the Sun online’s resident sexpert and editor of Scarlet magazine.

“I’m not here to dictate how women run their sex lives – we should all have the right to choose without fear of judgement – but personally I think first-date sex is a bad idea.

If it’s a one-night stand then fine, but if you’re considering a long-term relationship, there’s still stigma attached to getting it on the first night.

The person you’re with may assume you do this often and the last thing a guy wants to hear is, “I don’t always do this” – it’s such a cliché.

There are safety issues too. It’s essential you wear a condom as you cannot know a stranger’s sexual history and there’s also the risk that they could be an axe-wielding maniac!

Rushing into sex takes all the romance and the chase out of being with a new man.

The thing about a good orgasm is the longer you build up to it the more impact it will have and I definitely think that translates into dating as well.

If you’ve anticipated that first time together there’s going to be more excitement and more tension.

People could argue it’s probably nice to get it out of the way but I like the excitement of the build-up.

The argument that you’re having sex early on only because you know you want a long-term relationship with this person is mad.

How do you know that’s what he’s thinking? You could end up having a lot of terrible one-night stands and feel used."

NO
DR PETRA BOYNTON is a sex researcher at University College, London

"The decision to have sex on a first date depends on many factors, not least the individuals concerned.

Maybe you’ve got to know the person beforehand via email or internet dating so while it’s technically a first date you’ve spoken to them a fair bit already.

It tends to work when there’s a genuine sense of trust from the beginning and you’ve gone for it because you really fancy each other without unrealistic expectations.

It tends to be a problem when you think if I don’t sleep with this guy, I won’t see him again.

Many dating books still advice all couples to wait but there’s certainly evidence of couples who’ve slept together fairly early on and have stayed together.

I slept with my partner the first night we went out and we’re now expecting a baby together.

But some guys have double standards where they really like you, sleep with you and then decide they don’t want to be with you.

It’s probably not going to work with the kind of man who’s likely to judge you or leave you based on certain things you do early on in a relationship.

On the other hand, it’s easy for couples to get so hung up on when they should sleep together and how they should sleep together that it actually stops them enjoying the relationship.

There becomes this pressure to have incredible sex.

Don’t do it just to keep somebody happy or because you’ve been single for ages and you feel that if you don’t do it now you’ll never have sex again.

The bottom line is that if you have a great evening, feel safe and fancy the hell out of each other, go for it."

4 May 2007

As the lady suggested, this is a personal decision for the female and hers is the responsibility for it, with all the implications for hit and run pregnancy and HIV.

I do not say this in any critical way, but men are always "up for it" - it's in the nature of their hormones to be so.

I have an uneasy feeling that females who "drop them" on a first date are seeking more than the obvious.

I cannot speak for any female other than myself, but to my mind there is a huge difference between mere sex on a first date, and the loving sexual intimacy that comes from having a deeply loving, longer term relationship, which can bring with it an uninhibited and honest gift of body and being.

Of course this probably needs to be jazzed up at times with toys, clothing, erotica etc !!! Yummy LOL

5 May 2007

Quote by SusanEngland
I have an uneasy feeling that females who "drop them" on a first date are seeking more than the obvious.

I cannot speak for any female other than myself, but to my mind there is a huge difference between mere sex on a first date, and the loving sexual intimacy that comes from having a deeply loving, longer term relationship, which can bring with it an uninhibited and honest gift of body and being.

You mean the girl is emotionally insecure Susan? Might well be.

I agree with your final comment above.

The dear old "Sun" LOL

18 Dec 2013

I am wondering why this topic did not get more responses. I think it is a great question and wonder if others think so. I think that the first time one has sex with another person they are together with, with the aim of becoming a "couple" can vary from one person to the next. It could be that two people really have a powerful sense of who the other person is, and is drawn to the other that powerfully. So I can not rule sex on the first date out all. But generally I think it is something that a couple has to grow into to appreciate as the act of showing your attraction to another person. Just my two cents.

18 Dec 2013

In my experience, I have stayed longer with the girls I had sexual activities with in early phase.

I have never had sex on a first date, but I did have explicit sexual conversation with girls before the first date/meetups.

19 Dec 2013

I am married and date a lot, living the "Hotwife" lifestyle. I NEVER sleep with someone on the first date. Period. I talk, get to know someone, and if there is chemistry, we make a second date and then play.
It's always worked for me.

"When its too kinky for everybody else, its just gettin' good for me."
(Kinky Freedman)

4 Jan 2014

Very interesting article and I too am surprised there aren't more responses.

At my age, I no longer have any hard and fast "rules" when it comes to dating (e.g. no kissing on the first date, sex after 5 dates, whatever). That's not to say I spread my legs for just anyone that flashes a smile at me and it doesn't mean that I'm holding out until he puts a ring on my finger before he gets the golden ticket. Not at all. I'm smart and have lived a few lives by this point, I've learned a lot in my 44 years and I'm discerning about what I'm doing and what I'm looking for yet open to the possibilities as well as how they might present themselves to me. That experience and clarity has also made me a BIG believer in listening to my gut (it's rarely wrong) and doing whatever feels natural and comfortable which varies with each person I meet be it a love interest or not.

Having said that, I think there is something very sad about skipping the courtship and jumping into bed straight away. Maybe that's the old fashioned girl in me but part of what makes dating someone new so exciting is the dance that goes on between two people who are obviously enchanted and attracted to one another. I find those moments, the getting-to-know-each-other period, the talking and laughing, the flirting and teasing and all that anticipation of what's to come next SO exciting. Once you've gone ahead and done the dirty deed, those initial moments are, in effective, gone for good.

Then there is my brother. He met a girl who served him his morning coffee at the local diner, thought she was cute (was his physical type) asked her out, slept with her that first night and 21 years later, they've been married for 20 years now with two teenager daughters and still madly in love. No one in my family saw that coming especially because of his reputation at the time for being such a player. This was all pretty much par for the course in terms of how he "dated" so why THIS woman made the cut and the others didn't? That might be the million dollar question. In his words, he just had a gut feeling she was it for him. That's not to say that life for them, at least initially, wasn't rocky as they got to know each other better and got used to and accepted each of their individual nuances good and bad, because it was but they stuck it out because they wanted it badly enough.

If you ask me, I think the potential for a romantic relationship has less to do with whether or not you fuck each other on the first date and more to do with something much more intangible or easily explainable that comes from deep down where you just know you're with someone you need to hang on to for however long.

Life and love is nothing if not an ongoing mystery.

7 Jan 2014

I have seen this go two ways and it always up to the individuals and their value systems. Some men/women don't mind starting off with sex right away and go from there and if they are both of a similar mindset then why not? But I have also seen people get hurt when they really like someone, finally go on a date, want to show off their prowess and then there is never a second date.