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When is cheating really cheating?

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destiny322355
Active Ink Slinger
When your partner doesn't know about the sexual activity with someone.
ChuckEPoo
Chuckanator
I use to believe it was when you had sex with another person outside your relationship, either married or committed intended. But I believe it occurs way before intercourse. It starts with the intent. Like the old country western song. Your cheating heart will tell on you...
Sholbin83
English Gentleman
if you are in a relationship with someone and have sex out of that relationship (even if you dont have sex anymore) it is cheating, if you want to have sex and your relationship had dried up, then you should break up.

and sex out of the relationship you are in with consent/knowledge of your partner it is cheating.
Simplicity
Just me
Cheating is cheating, If you are in a relationship, and you go out side of that, your cheating, and it is never right!!
Click below to see
Guest
Lurker
I believe it's different for every relationship...there are boundaries set once you enter into a committed relationship and once the line is crossed (it could be as simple as a text or as obvious as sex) it is cheating...you know what will not be ok with your significant other.
rgrman133
Advanced Wordsmith
I don't think this one is simple at all, and I will take umbrage with arguments that make it too black and white. Not because I personally have "cheated," but I know of several different situations where a person had "cheated," but I felt it was not immoral.

Some people cannot get a divorce, and yet the marriage bond is non-existent. There are a lot of people in this type of situation. The easy answer is to get a divorce, but it's often not that simple. The gray area here is how much the person is being honest with themselves about their role in the marriage bond being nonexistent or in whether the divorce is really impossible or merely difficult. Outsiders can opine and judge, but only the person in the situation can really make that call.

The non-cheating party was abusive and trapping the person in the marriage, this is like the above, but worse. Maybe the other person was physically abusive or maybe not, but they were actively hostile and emotionally abusive toward their so-called "intimate partner." These kinds of people excel at manipulation, threats, black-mail, and it can be very, very difficult to get away. In fact, getting away can be outright deadly. If you have not had a personal, intimate experience with a sociopath of this nature, then you just will not understand. I personally escaped such a marriage at incredible cost to myself in money and effort and stress including the fear that I would be framed for crimes I had not committed and sent to prison. If you think the legal system and processes can protect you from this type of person, you are naive and foolish. I'm not going to reveal any more details but I speak from personal experience on this point, and I personally know of others who have gone through similar things. I will say that as the life was being sucked out of me day after day, I started to fantasize about cheating as a way to avoid divorce, murder, or suicide. Turned out, I chose divorce, but it was deeply expensive.

Half the time someone cheats, it is the other party who is really more responsible for the state of the marriage bond being inadequate. I said, "half the time." Outsiders can't really decide very well where the responsibility lies. I don't think healthy people in healthy bonded relationships feel that much temptation to cheat. I'm not talking about couples who openly agree to have sex outside their relationship or who share their partner. If a healthier person does cheat, it's because the bond was neglected and attenuated. In those cases, the cheating is a one-off thing that ends up being painful and regretted, and the person never does it again.

However, I think there are people who are less whole who cannot stay faithful by whatever boundaries or agreements. They have a compulsivity that prevents them from being intimate with another over a long period of time. For a person in this category, the saying 'once a cheater, always a cheater' holds true.
Guest
Lurker
Quote by Simplicity
Cheating is cheating, If you are in a relationship, and you go out side of that, your cheating, and it is never right!!


These are my feelings too.
allman69
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by DoubleDs
I believe it's different for every relationship...there are boundaries set once you enter into a committed relationship and once the line is crossed (it could be as simple as a text or as obvious as sex) it is cheating...you know what will not be ok with your significant other.

i think you are right. there is a line and it is where the other person would not be accepting of the actions.
allman69
honeydipped
The Bee's Knees
it all depends on how you define it in your relationship.

Say. Her. Name.
KellyC317
Active Ink Slinger
I agree it is cheating if it is something your hide from your spouse. Though I have spent many decades in a monogamous relationship with my husband, I have had several trysts with another female. He does not know about those, so I guess I am a cheater.
bill11
Active Ink Slinger
It's cheating if it's having to be hidden from your spouse.
Guest
Lurker
It would seem to me that the answer would be self evident... it BECOMES cheating the INSTANT that YOU THINK OF IT AS CHEATING! What is mutually known and agreed to can't really be considered cheating to my mind, rather it constitutes a FORM of sexual play. (In that situation, other people "become" for lack of a better description... sex toys.) In fact I've been mulling over a story involving just such a situation.

Oh and as to the waffling and rationalizations, they do NOT alter the simple basic facts. EITHER you have been open and honest with your partner OR NOT... all else is simply justification.
NawtyGuy504
Active Ink Slinger
If married or in a committed relationship, any time the other partner is not aware and has not agreed to share or be shared.

Nawty.
Guest
Lurker
I think sex with someone else when you're in a relationship may not be cheating :P Yes, many relationships allow for sex with others..... so not everyone who is in a committed relationship is necessarily cheating if they are flirting or engaging in sexual activities with someone else.....What could reasonably be applied to all situations is the idea of breaking the rules!!! .... So if you are trying to figure out what counts as cheating in a relationship, the only way you can answer that is to look to the rules of that particular relationship smile
Guest
Lurker
If you are in a committed relationship, or a marriage, anytime you have sex with out your significant others permission it is cheating
Unknown User

It is cheating. However I believe you have to look at the reasons why. Has there been no intimacy between the married couple for a longtime. Does he or she offer no emotional support. Is there any communication in the marriage, hi honey how's work been today? Oh that'snot good.

If any of these are in the marriage or all of them, I feel the marriage is not working and the partner is breaking his or her vowels.

To me that marriage is over and the cheating is the first step of a way out.

If there is none of this, then whoever is cheating is having their cake and eating it.
DonnaCupcake
Active Ink Slinger

Cheating is always cheating. Yeah, it's a lesser offense than many others, but it still violates the trust of your relationship. Any relationship is based on trust. Period. When you cheat you betray that trust, and if your partner finds out, and you haven't already pre-negotiated an open relationship, you've shattered the terms of your relationship.

If you don't want to cheat, your partner has to be informed, before you do the nasty. They have to support and hopefully enjoy hearing about the details. But if you go behind your partner's back and you find out that it shatters your relationship then you have no one to blame but yourself.

Dasiydoes
Dutchess Of Dancing

When you are doing something wrong and you know it, but you continue!!🙄

A secret isn't a secret if 2 know it🤐
Sirene_Jaune
Active Ink Slinger

It doesn't even have to be sex. There is emotional/mental cheating. My ex husband became very close friends with a single mother who was our cleaner. While I was at work for staff meetings, he was spending his free time with her and her kids. I could tell by his body language, tone of voice and face that he had deep feelings for her.

Only reason I knew about this was when our relationship was strained. He talked about her kids and her often. I left and a few weeks later we met and he explained he wanted a divorce and he was moving on. I put it together and I had not seen him been so infatuated with anyone or anything before. Not even with me. Then he admitted he slept with her. Though when I confronted he claimed he was drunk but then confessed he wanted her even when he was sober.

It is painful process. I had a STD test and thankfully I came back clean but still the emotional turmoil is unjust.
passionatemind22
Active Ink Slinger

It's very subjective, it's a very your own definition of the word.

Everyone cheats, that's what I know and have known. Everything needs effort. We are only human to want to keep having the attention. If we lose it, we do something else.

Kinley
Advanced Wordsmith

I'd ask why they weren't having sex for the longest time in the first place, assuming this was a monogamous relationship. Cheating happens because people get out of sync and have somehow avoided the hard work of being honest with themselves or each other.

Submarine_Sammy
Active Ink Slinger

Quote by Sirene_Jaune

It doesn't even have to be sex. There is emotional/mental cheating. My ex husband became very close friends with a single mother who was our cleaner. While I was at work for staff meetings, he was spending his free time with her and her kids. I could tell by his body language, tone of voice and face that he had deep feelings for her.

Only reason I knew about this was when our relationship was strained. He talked about her kids and her often. I left and a few weeks later we met and he explained he wanted a divorce and he was moving on. I put it together and I had not seen him been so infatuated with anyone or anything before. Not even with me. Then he admitted he slept with her. Though when I confronted he claimed he was drunk but then confessed he wanted her even when he was sober.

It is painful process. I had a STD test and thankfully I came back clean but still the emotional turmoil is unjust.

Shit, that really sucks.
Nerdy1980
Advanced Wordsmith

Cheating is cheating whenever a partner does anything with anyone else beyond what the other partner has agreed to. My wide has sent nudes and cybered with other men, but it's understood that that's OK. To be honest, I wouldn't mind if she slept with someone else, but being that it understood that that's outside of the rules of our relationship, it would be cheating if she did. Those limits depend on the particular relationship.
kistinspencil
Voyeur @ f/64

The moment when it stops being a fantasy.
Unknown User

Quote by kistinspencil

The moment when it stops being a fantasy.

Facts.

Unknown User

I know myself and know if my husband was chatting w/ someone in a deep, emotional manner, that would affect me over sexually cheating. I wouldn't put up w/ either. Sometimes sex is sex, a human dildo/flesh light but emotionally cheating where you wanna talk to that other person more, sneak away to text or send nudes, that's the worst.

When you exchange personal numbers/emails, that crossed the line, only if both of you have sexualized each other.

Well aware that a true friendship can bloom online, it happened here thrice for me and we chat/cam but I see them as friends as we are friends--even though it took me a few yrs to acknowledge them as said title.

End the relationship if you aren't getting what you want and have your fun w/ out having to ask for forgiveness or aren't remorseful.

Getting online attention dries up quickly and you come off as a human backpack lol like you need that "life support"

Keep it fun, just don't get caught up in wanting it to be real, cause it won't, unless both aren't attached.

bill11
Active Ink Slinger

When you have to hide it from you partner

calx86
Active Ink Slinger

I think most people here hit the nail on the head but let me clarify. Looking is not cheating. Your spouse or significant other doesn't suddenly become blind just because they are now with you. Remember, they saw attractive people every day before they met you and they chose you over them. Take pride in that instead of letting jealousy rear its ugly head in your relationship.
Now that being said, if your partner acts on this attraction behind your back, then yes this is absolutely cheating. If your needs are not currently being met in your relationship, that should be discussed with your partner before looking elsewhere. During this discussion, you may find more things out about your partner that you didn't know before that will either make your relationship flourish or destroy it, but this conversation needs to happen. If you know for a fact that you no longer have feelings for your partner, do the respectful thing and break up with them before moving on to someone else. Yes it will hurt and the conversation is not easy, but it is not fair to anyone involved to string them along.