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what would you do If you were in my situation?

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Minxy3787
Advanced Wordsmith
I'll start of by saying this I'm sure some of you had gone through same thing I have,at one point in your lives I know that this does happen everyday in life but you never expect the one that would screw you over would be one person you never thought would hurt you. My story is this I have been friends with this person for more then a couple of years always talked to me about everything and anything,advise etc anything she wanted to ask me i tryed my best to give her advise, hech I even got close to her at one point before but i was navie and foolish at the time and didnt take the hints that she was interested in me,thats On me and i regreted that day ever since,fast forward to 2015 this year everything with her went down the drain person and mentally for her,i was always the one she'd run to helping her best i could with passing of her mom,etc trying to keep her smiling or atleast laugh but i know thats tought when family member dies,so she come's home to where i live, she lived in another province in canada where im at but was from same place as me.once she got down here, she was always around me at my place every time i don't mean to sound like a an ass but she is a bit of bullshitter.
So we got pretty close when she was down there, kissed cuddled,she even rubbed my,crotch a few times too so it gave me hints or the Impression that something could come out of this that we'd end up together.And I have never been with anyone in real life for maybe 3 years maybe. she told me something that found odd,she talked about a certain guy she hooked up with before she knew me her exact words about that "I will never hook up with him again" fast forward couple weeks later and whats happens? you guess right she ends up being his girlfriend,I didn't find out anything till 3 days later everyone else that im friends with knew she was with him again except me.what really got me mad,is that she kind of played me for a fool,she says i was afarid to tell you to make things akward and didnt want to loose me as a friend,so calmly even tho i was stirring mad inside i said "its ok be happy im not mad even tho i had to lie but couldnt keep it up i kept getting more irrated by it each time,i said why would you say you wouldn't hook up with that guy,and then do the exact oppsite and get in a relationship with him.I mean come on do you see what I mean about her type She's all talk says one thing one minute and then next does the exact oppsite,i think she does it for attenion i caught on to that a few times but,i didnt say anything. do any of you know that type of person? the most thing im upset about is that I never once thought she would be the one to screw me over like she did,it felt like I was just a cling on to her when she was done with me,she moved on well kind of downgrade if you ask me cause the guy she is with.isn't all that much good looking sorry to sound mean again. basicly she traded me in for a dick hahah.feel alittle insulted.I mean how would anyone else react if a close friend did the same to you what,my best friend did to me?

sincerly Karen
ChuckEPoo
Chuckanator
Move on. Suck it up. You've been duped. Use this experience so to not repeat it again. I've been burned as most have and know the scars it leaves on your heart. It makes you more cautious and trust is more difficult but you'll survive. Promise.
mastulover
Active Ink Slinger
Bliss, sad story but Chuck is absolutely right. Guess we all made unpleasant experiences and sport scars. Thats life. And it goes on. Even to the better, also bad experiences can help long term.
AudriNichols
Active Ink Slinger
I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm going to tell you the truth, how I see it. I've dealt with a lot of people like your friend, and more than once, this sort of thing happened (the circumstances were always different) , until I learned to own up to my role in it and stop repeating the pattern. You sound like a nice, compassionate person, and that is part of what created this situation.

It took me a lot of years to learn one simple fact: Not everyone is worth your compassion. They don't appreciate it. They use it to get what they want. And I know, for my part, I allowed it to happen for far too long.

Here's where you went wrong:

It sounds to me like you suspected she was using you from the start. You said you knew she was a bullshitter. So you already knew you shouldn't trust her. So the fact that she lied to you shouldn't be that much of a surprise.

The two of you crossed the friendship boundary into something more. You allowed this to happen. The problem that comes with this is that eventually, one friend finds someone else to date. This almost always ruins friendships. It happens so much it's cliche.

Then, when confronted with her lie, she gave you a pretty pitiful excuse and you let her get away with it. You told her you weren't mad, even though you obviously are. So you lied to her too. This sends her the message that she can betray you and you're going to keep forgiving her. It tells her that she can keep doing it. Why? She's not that great of a friend to start with, so why would you make her feel better about betraying you? You need to learn to stand up for yourself and be more honest about your feelings, especially when people hurt you. You don't have to be "nice" when someone betrays you.

By not saying anything when you catch her being so double minded, you are allowing her to continue to abuse your friendship and trust.

Can you see how you contributed to your own hurt? I'm not making excuses for her, but you have to take a step back and see that she isn't entirely to blame either. You played a part in this whole situation too.

She's not your friend. She uses people. The faster you learn to accept this and cut her out of your life for good (no contact in any way, ever again.) the faster she will find someone else to latch on to. You don't owe her anything, not even an explanation. It would fall on deaf ears anyway.

Honestly, this is exactly the kind of thing sociopaths do. Not all of them are dangerous, but they love to toy with people's emotions and get them to do what they want. They are manipulative and selfish, and they tend to gravitate toward compassionate people, because they view them as weak and usable. They lack any empathy, and don't care who they hurt along the way. Trust me, I know. My mother is a narcissistic sociopath, and so was my best friend in high school, and my first boyfriend. It took a lot of years for me to recognize the signs and grow a tougher skin.

1 in 25 people is a sociopath. You'll save yourself a lot of pain in the future if you learn the signs and avoid these people.
Guest
Lurker
When it comes down to it, many people are users. They use you or whomever to get something that they need. It might just be for that moment in time, it might be for a period of days, weeks, months, even years or more. It is always a risk to be vulnerable and to have some one take advantage of that vulnerability. I learned that many years ago. Do I stop being vulnerable after being hurt or taken advantage of? No, but I try to be more careful at who I open up to. I don't want to ever not be vulnerable. I open up at lot for folks here on Lush, for example, but I still guard myself and be in control of what I allow and with whom. No different for the rest of my day too!

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