i just ordered Chinese food and wondered what the weirdest thing delivery people have seen on the job.
so i thought id ask lush
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weird things you saw while working
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Constant Gardener
I was spending the weekend @ my girlfriend's residence two summers ago. She'd ordered a pizza delivery. The doorbell rang, and I went to pay for the pie and retrieve it.
I opened the front door & was greeted by a guy about my age. He had already removed the pizza from the insulated container it apparently travels inside of and was holding the boxed pie at just below his crotch level with both hands.
His fly was unzipped and the brief glimpse I got of it also appeared he was free balling.
The startled look on his face was also noticed. As I stared @ his open fly, I believed that he was not expecting to see a man @ her front door. He just stood there like a statue for the next 20 seconds.
I whipped out my cell phone camera and mentioned while doing so, "Your fly is unzipped pardner and I believe I can see your junk."
"Yeah, Um, I know...um...it's broken."
"Yeah, well...we're not in the mood for pizza, take it back and know that I'm calling your boss to complain. Now get the fuck outta here and do not ever come back here, I live here now and you are not welcome."
I snapped a couple three photos of his open fly with his face and him holding the box...and then one of his climbing into his shitmobile, just for good measure.
She and I went out to eat that evening and I stopped by the chain to show my photographic evidence to the store manager.
Girlfriend saw who the guy was (over my shoulder) and told me later, "Oh yeah, that guy always delivers pizza here."
"Not anymore he doesn't."
I opened the front door & was greeted by a guy about my age. He had already removed the pizza from the insulated container it apparently travels inside of and was holding the boxed pie at just below his crotch level with both hands.
His fly was unzipped and the brief glimpse I got of it also appeared he was free balling.
The startled look on his face was also noticed. As I stared @ his open fly, I believed that he was not expecting to see a man @ her front door. He just stood there like a statue for the next 20 seconds.
I whipped out my cell phone camera and mentioned while doing so, "Your fly is unzipped pardner and I believe I can see your junk."
"Yeah, Um, I know...um...it's broken."
"Yeah, well...we're not in the mood for pizza, take it back and know that I'm calling your boss to complain. Now get the fuck outta here and do not ever come back here, I live here now and you are not welcome."
I snapped a couple three photos of his open fly with his face and him holding the box...and then one of his climbing into his shitmobile, just for good measure.
She and I went out to eat that evening and I stopped by the chain to show my photographic evidence to the store manager.
Girlfriend saw who the guy was (over my shoulder) and told me later, "Oh yeah, that guy always delivers pizza here."
"Not anymore he doesn't."
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Constant Gardener
Quote by chefkathleen
Was it an "arrangement" they had together?
To my knowledge, no. When she wanted a piece of ass on the side, she'd either call me, or the divorced surgeon, the philandering attorney, or the retired baseball player. How I ended up in the rotation, is sort of beyond me.
Besides, Mr. Delivery guy was kind of a doofy looking dude who looked 15-20 years older than I bet he really was...& I believe he had been delivering to her, half a dozen times or so, that summer - while I was away at summer camp
She enjoyed fucking around, don't misunderstand me, Chef....but she was a bit of a sex-snob. No frick'n delivery drivers for her. Her sex partners were required to drive something that wasn't placarded with some corporate slogan or be utilized as a service vehicle.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by WellMadeMale
To my knowledge, no. When she wanted a piece of ass on the side, she'd either call me, or the divorced surgeon, the philandering attorney, or the retired baseball player. How I ended up in the rotation, is sort of beyond me.
Besides, Mr. Delivery guy was kind of a doofy looking dude who looked 15-20 years older than I bet he really was...& I believe he had been delivering to her, half a dozen times or so, that summer - while I was away at summer camp
She enjoyed fucking around, don't misunderstand me, Chef....but she was a bit of a sex-snob. No frick'n delivery drivers for her. Her sex partners were required to drive something that wasn't placarded with some corporate slogan or be utilized as a service vehicle.
So she's your 'girlfriend' yet you're 1 of 4....?!
Constant Gardener
Quote by glossmylips
So she's your 'girlfriend' yet you're 1 of 4....?!
It's always been complicated. I like it that way.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by WellMadeMale
It's always been complicated. I like it that way.
So if she's getting dick from every douchebag on the planet why were you so pissed pizza boy wanted some pie?
Constant Gardener
Quote by glossmylips
So if she's getting dick from every douchebag on the planet why were you so pissed pizza boy wanted some pie?
As with most everything, it's all in the introduction and delivery. You either own a smidgen of class/dignity or you pretend that you do. Who says she was fucking douchebags?
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Rookie Scribe
I've never had a delivery job...
But I have a close knit group of guy friends and I'm the token girl. Last year, one of the guys was getting married, so we rented out a house for the weekend and had a huge party/strippers/etc for the bachelor party. We ordered pizza one afternoon while everyone was getting ready to go out. When the pizza guy came, one guy was in nothing but a tuxedo thong, and so I answered the door as he was dancing around the living room with all the other guys sitting on the couches. Delivery guy's face was priceless. I've never seen anyone run to their car so fast in my life.
We have the whole thing on video.
But I have a close knit group of guy friends and I'm the token girl. Last year, one of the guys was getting married, so we rented out a house for the weekend and had a huge party/strippers/etc for the bachelor party. We ordered pizza one afternoon while everyone was getting ready to go out. When the pizza guy came, one guy was in nothing but a tuxedo thong, and so I answered the door as he was dancing around the living room with all the other guys sitting on the couches. Delivery guy's face was priceless. I've never seen anyone run to their car so fast in my life.
We have the whole thing on video.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by WellMadeMale
As with most everything, it's all in the introduction and delivery. You either own a smidgen of class/dignity or you pretend that you do. Who says she was fucking douchebags?
My point was, if she wasn't exclusively yours (although you call her your girlfriend...) why were you so obviously pissed/jealous the pizza guy came round with his junk out. It's obvious he's done it before, no?
Constant Gardener
Quote by glossmylips
My point was, if she wasn't exclusively yours (although you call her your girlfriend...) why were you so obviously pissed/jealous the pizza guy came round with his junk out. It's obvious he's done it before, no?
I didn't know if he'd ever done that before, she assured me that he had never set foot inside her home.
It just occurred to me that perhaps you're actually attempting to call me a douchebag.
Don't pull any punches towards me (I'm not a moderator, just another website denizen spouting my stories). Have at it.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Active Ink Slinger
While working at a a grocery store I saw an elderly gentleman get stopped for shoplifing. I was just getting to work when he walked out the exit doors. Security was right behind him and asked him to step back inside. When he broke to run for it, he stopped after 2 steps... "mais cher, I done shit my pants". Poor old fella, I felt bad for the guy.
Once while delivering pizza I arrived at an apartment. Knocked on the partially opened door and was told to "come in". Which is against the rules. I pushed the door open and there was some dude sitting on his couch talking on the phone. Wearing nothing but a button down Oxford type shirt, playing with his cock. I don't know who was more shocked, him or me. I left pretty fucking fast. As my forum signature states, Dick scares me.
Once while delivering pizza I arrived at an apartment. Knocked on the partially opened door and was told to "come in". Which is against the rules. I pushed the door open and there was some dude sitting on his couch talking on the phone. Wearing nothing but a button down Oxford type shirt, playing with his cock. I don't know who was more shocked, him or me. I left pretty fucking fast. As my forum signature states, Dick scares me.
When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Quote by lafayettemister
While working at a a grocery store I saw an elderly gentleman get stopped for shoplifing. I was just getting to work when he walked out the exit doors. Security was right behind him and asked him to step back inside. When he broke to run for it, he stopped after 2 steps... "mais cher, I done shit my pants". Poor old fella, I felt bad for the guy.
You know, I think I might have offered to pay for his things and hope they'd drop the charges. Older people are having a tough go of it lately. They have to decide whether to eat or get medicine a lot of time.
Constant Gardener
I took a summer job in my youth, where I was driving a fairly good sized two axle work truck, which had about a 2,000 gallon capacity tank welded to its frame behind the cab. Working as a 'lawn applicator' spraying toxic chemicals on people's yards. And flowers, and pets... heheh
It looked a bit like this, except - bigger.
I lasted just over 2 weeks/paychecks. I saw some weird shit when I was working in people's backyards (usually involving the homeowner(s)). The final straw however came when I was driving a half loaded tank of sloshing watery mix...down a busy 3 lane interstate during early rush hour traffic, after a July rain shower. The 1st rain shower in almost a month. The road surface was slicker than ice.
(I was in the slow lane doing 45mph) and of course everyone was passing me and flipping me the bird for driving so slowly. Someone swerved in front of me, almost clipped the front bumper of the truck and then he locked up his fucking brakes to throw a scare into me, and he did. And I tried to pump the brakes of the truck and failed. The steering wheel of the truck was not exactly keeping the front tires straight and...
I did two, slow motion, 360 degree complete spins...still being propelled forward - in the slow lane and most of the right shoulder of that highway and nobody hit me and I hit nobody. That was a minor miracle in itself.
I was pulling foam seat cushion out of my butt crack for the next twenty minutes after that truck slid to a stop, half on the grass and halfway the shoulder.
I had like another 7 lawns to administer that day, but drove straight to the shop after I caught my breath (some 12 miles away), parked the truck, saw my boss, handed him the keys and told him what had happened.
I still remember him chewing my ass out for being such a punk/quitter/pussy as I climbed in my car and drove away from that sweatshop.
That wasn't weird, just flat out freaky.
It looked a bit like this, except - bigger.
I lasted just over 2 weeks/paychecks. I saw some weird shit when I was working in people's backyards (usually involving the homeowner(s)). The final straw however came when I was driving a half loaded tank of sloshing watery mix...down a busy 3 lane interstate during early rush hour traffic, after a July rain shower. The 1st rain shower in almost a month. The road surface was slicker than ice.
(I was in the slow lane doing 45mph) and of course everyone was passing me and flipping me the bird for driving so slowly. Someone swerved in front of me, almost clipped the front bumper of the truck and then he locked up his fucking brakes to throw a scare into me, and he did. And I tried to pump the brakes of the truck and failed. The steering wheel of the truck was not exactly keeping the front tires straight and...
I did two, slow motion, 360 degree complete spins...still being propelled forward - in the slow lane and most of the right shoulder of that highway and nobody hit me and I hit nobody. That was a minor miracle in itself.
I was pulling foam seat cushion out of my butt crack for the next twenty minutes after that truck slid to a stop, half on the grass and halfway the shoulder.
I had like another 7 lawns to administer that day, but drove straight to the shop after I caught my breath (some 12 miles away), parked the truck, saw my boss, handed him the keys and told him what had happened.
I still remember him chewing my ass out for being such a punk/quitter/pussy as I climbed in my car and drove away from that sweatshop.
That wasn't weird, just flat out freaky.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by chefkathleen
You know, I think I might have offered to pay for his things and hope they'd drop the charges. Older people are having a tough go of it lately. They have to decide whether to eat or get medicine a lot of time.
This was around 1992ish. I felt bad for the old guy. If memory serves, he had stolen a bottle of cheap perfume. I think they may have let him go. I do recall seeing one of my managers going upstairs to the security office with a package of toilet tissue.
When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Quote by lafayettemister
This was around 1992ish. I felt bad for the old guy. If memory serves, he had stolen a bottle of cheap perfume. I think they may have let him go. I do recall seeing one of my managers going upstairs to the security office with a package of toilet tissue.
Sometimes people forget one simple thing. Dignity. Plain and simple. Everyone deserves to be treated with it. It may be because I have a soft spot for Seniors since moving to Florida.(they also can frustrate the hell outta me) I worked with them in a nursing capacity and saw some heartbreaking and amazing things.
I worked for a high class pizza delivery service, to save copyright, let's call it, hut of the pizza... In November in the uk I went to deliver pizza one Saturday night and got a cute girl answer the door, I gave her the pizza and forgot about the salad, thankfully I said I would return with it, so when I did I rang her, number on top of receipt.... She came down thanked means later sent picture message of her tits thanking me for the pizza and inviting me back round later for dessert...needless to say I went! 
will post story soon ;)
will post story soon ;) Active Ink Slinger
I once went to see one of my clients homes and while she was showing me her house, I saw 2 girls (who I later found out were her daughters) sunbathing naked. I guess its not that weird really.
I have a friend who is an ER doctor. Some of the bizarre things she has seen, WOW!!!
I have a friend who is an ER doctor. Some of the bizarre things she has seen, WOW!!!