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Need Some Guidance

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bigdoggy
Active Ink Slinger
I'm new to this forum and I think it's amazing. I would really like to get some insight from the female (and male) members of this board about how I can help my SO discover and/or talk about her fantasies with me.

Here's whats going on. We've been together for 8 months, which is a long time for me. The sex is great, but tends to be a little too vanilla for me. It's not easy for me to talk about my fantasies, it's taken me a long time to not only discover them, but learn how to talk about them without feeling silly or guilty. I've finally started confessing my fantasies to her, a little at a time. She's a very sexy, beautiful woman...turns heads everywhere, both men and women. I love the thought of other men getting turned on by her, and I'd really like to hear her tell me how it turns her on as well. One of my my fantasies is to watch her seduce and fuck another man. I told her this and we've incorporated this talk into our lovemaking...which is cool. I don't know if that's a fantasy that I'd like to make a reality, or not. Big step.

I'm having a REALLY, REALLY difficult time getting her to open up to me about her own fantasies. We have an excellent level of trust. We are very close and talk every day. We have sex at least 4-5 times weekly, and it's terrific. I've never done anything behind her back, I communicate constantly, and I open up about my my feelings and thoughts with her. This has created a bond between us that she has never had with another man. That being said, I try and coax her into telling me about her fantasies, and she is really blocked up. All she can tell me is that she only fantasizes about me and that our sex life is beyond her wildest expectation.

I, of course, don't believe that for a minute! What can I do to encourage her to open up more and do some exploring with me? How do I get her more in touch with her inner fantasy life, and, in turn, have her tell me about it?

All suggestions and thoughts are appreciated. Thanks!

One more thing...my SO has a VERY hairy bush. I've told her flat out that I like pubic hair that is neatly trimmed, if not shaved. I keep myself tidied up, so fair is fair. She doesn't seem to get it. I love to go down on her, but I don't like doing the hairball thingie, trying to get that hair out of the back of my throat. What do I need to do here to get things squared away (so to speak)?
Batman
Active Ink Slinger
Last part 1st.

Little fur ball needs a trim. Have a few drinks, tie her up and trim it or shave it. All with permission of corse.
Make it fun - tease, toys and Muhahaha.

This may help take care of the 1st queation. While your doing this ask question of her, about her. What she wants done, with someone else or something else.

Bat
bigdoggy
Active Ink Slinger
And the reason this post was moved would be???????
nicola
Matriarch
Quote by bigdoggy
And the reason this post was moved would be???????



I moved it because this section is the ask everyone section, so you can get more feedback. You said you wanted feedback from both females and males, and you're more likely to get feedback from both if the question is posted in here rather than Guys ask Gals.

I can move it back if you like
techgoddess
Sassy Red-haired Beach Kat/Dune Goddess
Quote by Batman
Last part 1st.

Little fur ball needs a trim. Have a few drinks, tie her up and trim it or shave it. All with permission of corse.
Make it fun - tease, toys and Muhahaha.

This may help take care of the 1st queation. While your doing this ask question of her, about her. What she wants done, with someone else or something else.

Bat


Sounds like good advice Bat!

Welcome bigdoggy.
bigdoggy
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by nicola
Quote by bigdoggy
And the reason this post was moved would be???????



I moved it because this section is the ask everyone section, so you can get more feedback. You said you wanted feedback from both females and males, and you're more likely to get feedback from both if the question is posted in here rather than Guys ask Gals.

I can move it back if you like


Thanks for the clarification, Nicola.
nicola
Matriarch
No problem, was just trying to help you get more of a response.

Btw, several glasses of champagne normally helps before bringing up any matters to do with sex
Guest
Lurker
Hi Bigdoggy!

As far as the fantasy thing goes, if your SO can't bring herself to tell you her fantasies ( she can deny having them but she will definitely have some!), why don't you ask her to write one down? She sounds like I used to be, I could never admit to my guy some of the things I'd fantasized about. I thought he'd laugh or think I was silly/stupid or that I'd shock him. As if! The man's unshockable. So we started to write each other stories - which is how I ended up on this website. Once she makes that first step - and it sounds like it will be a big step for her - there could be no stopping her.

As far as the other issue is concerned - you could always play her at her own game and go for the untidy look yourself (-:

Blue
Birdie
Seeker
And if writing stories is not your/her thing...get yourself a big, empty notebook. Write her a kinky letter telling her everything that you would like to do to her. When you are done writing her the letter leave the notebook with her and tell her it is her turn to write you a kinky letter. If you both participate in the notebook then later on down the road it turns into a pretty steamy story...
techgoddess
Sassy Red-haired Beach Kat/Dune Goddess
Quote by Lil_Birdie
And if writing stories is not your/her thing...get yourself a big, empty notebook. Write her a kinky letter telling her everything that you would like to do to her. When you are done writing her the letter leave the notebook with her and tell her it is her turn to write you a kinky letter. If you both participate in the notebook then later on down the road it turns into a pretty steamy story...


Excellent advice LB!
Guest
Lurker
That's some great advice from the others. I'd say to give her some time; let her open up at her own pace. After more than a year together, Tech and I are still finding new, exciting things to try.

Have a few drinks, tie her up and trim it or shave it.

That only works if she's all sub, Bat. We don't know if BD is blessed with a submissive partner. Sure would be fun, though, eh?
steffanie
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by bigdoggy


I've told her flat out that I like pubic hair that is neatly trimmed, if not shaved. I keep myself tidied up, so fair is fair. She doesn't seem to get it. I love to go down on her, but I don't like doing the hairball thingie, trying to get that hair out of the back of my throat. What do I need to do here to get things squared away (so to speak)?


Believe me she gets the "hairball thingie," her not doing anything about it is one BIG hint don't you think?

She IS telling you what she feels, but you're not listening.

Do you actually love and care for this woman? - you don't say so in your post, you just talk about sex, and that's not enough. The "communication" is all one way and it's all about what YOU want. That's where you're going wrong.

So listen to what she's telling you and act upon it, doesn't have to be about sex, women tend to be more subtle than that. You'll get closer and closer and the sex part will come soon enough. The more you just demand, the more she'll feel bullied and clam up.

It's all very obtuse and confusing for blokes sometimes, but don't worry, you must have got a lot right already or she'd have dumped you by now.

Good luck.

steffanie xxx
barbie
Active Ink Slinger
hey bigdoggy. one advice!!
just be careful when you tell her what you want her to do.
Choosing lil different words can make totally different responses.

e.g. one of my ex told me that if i did not allow him to do my no.2 he would do it with gays. Of course it was just a joke, but at that time i was really annoyed and i dumped him the day after. I would have allowed it if he had asked me nicely.
Guest
Lurker
8 Months? That's all? Wow, your relationship is in it's infancy. You're going to have to wait awhile and be patient. Give it time. She may never tell you. Some people like to keep some things to themselves.
As for the hairy part, just come out and ask her, "Honey? Will you shave your pubes for me? Or will you let me shave/trim them?"
bigdoggy
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by steffanie
Quote by bigdoggy


I've told her flat out that I like pubic hair that is neatly trimmed, if not shaved. I keep myself tidied up, so fair is fair. She doesn't seem to get it. I love to go down on her, but I don't like doing the hairball thingie, trying to get that hair out of the back of my throat. What do I need to do here to get things squared away (so to speak)?


Believe me she gets the "hairball thingie," her not doing anything about it is one BIG hint don't you think?

She IS telling you what she feels, but you're not listening.

Do you actually love and care for this woman? - you don't say so in your post, you just talk about sex, and that's not enough. The "communication" is all one way and it's all about what YOU want. That's where you're going wrong.

So listen to what she's telling you and act upon it, doesn't have to be about sex, women tend to be more subtle than that. You'll get closer and closer and the sex part will come soon enough. The more you just demand, the more she'll feel bullied and clam up.

It's all very obtuse and confusing for blokes sometimes, but don't worry, you must have got a lot right already or she'd have dumped you by now.

Good luck.

steffanie xxx


That's about the most condescending comment I've read, the whole "obtuse and confusing for blokes" thing. What you know about men could be written on the head of a pin. As far as love goes, I love her deeply, but that's not what this post was about, but you're too busy projecting all over it that you didn't pick up on that.

As far as the other posts, I appreciate your perspective, chefK...it's a good reminder to be patient and allow things to come along. I think every day we're together we get closer and understand more about each other.

Barbie, thanks for your input. I don't want to push her away and it's not that important that I need to force her to do something she's not willing or ready to do. I love her the way she is, hairy or not!
bigdoggy
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by roccotool
That's some great advice from the others. I'd say to give her some time; let her open up at her own pace. After more than a year together, Tech and I are still finding new, exciting things to try.

Have a few drinks, tie her up and trim it or shave it.

That only works if she's all sub, Bat. We don't know if BD is blessed with a submissive partner. Sure would be fun, though, eh?




Thanks Rocco, she's not a sub but I think if we made a game of it we could work something out!
Guest
Lurker
As far as the other posts, I appreciate your perspective, chefK...it's a good reminder to be patient and allow things to come along. I think every day we're together we get closer and understand more about each other.


Exactly, BD. It will grow every day. Wait for it.
steffanie
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by bigdoggy
What you know about men could be written on the head of a pin. As far as love goes, I love her deeply, but that's not what this post was about, but you're too busy projecting all over it that you didn't pick up on that.



That's a bit rich - considering what's said in the OP.


steffanie
DBarclay
Mr Nobody
Quote by steffanie
Quote by bigdoggy

That's a bit rich - considering what's said in the OP.
steffanie

Be cool Steff
Just another forum poster that only what to hear the opinions that agree with
their stance...
nicola
Matriarch
Quote by bigdoggy
That's about the most condescending comment I've read, the whole "obtuse and confusing for blokes" thing. What you know about men could be written on the head of a pin. As far as love goes, I love her deeply, but that's not what this post was about, but you're too busy projecting all over it that you didn't pick up on that.


I believe she was trying to help, albeit in a rather firm manner. That was a little uncalled for.

When threads turn sour...
Pixie
Flutterby Pharie
Whoa! Chill peeps!! LOL
♥ Listen, touch, and look around in the air and on the ground. If you watch all nature's things, you might just see a fairy's wings. ♥