How to stay safe when visiting online site members for first time

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 6 Sep 2019

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and advice. It was greatly appreciated.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable."

C'è un fascino per il proibito che lo rende indicibilmente desiderabile.

— Mark Twain

lucky7gal

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 7 Sep 2019

To all who have commented and been following this feed:

I figured I owed a conclusion to prettyjoanne's friend's trip. Yes I confess I was the hasty girl who figured meeting someone I had known for less than two months was a perfectly okay thing to do. I took some of your advice and verified her identity before I jumped on the plane to Oklahoma. I won't get into too much detail here as maybe someday I'll find time to write about;) But yes there was sex...A LOT of sex! Some of it was enjoyable though most of it I feel lacked foreplay and was somewhat painful for my virgin body. I bet on my first horse races picking winners in 6 out of 9 races. I got the quick tour of OKC and got to binge watch 90 day fiance with the person I'd been critiquing the show with for a month lol. We crammed alot into 48 hours. My time in airports was hell! Delayed flights and missed connections on my way back caused me a lot of stress as I was falling out of the timeline I had set with my family...I was so afraid I was going to get caught in a lie I spent $1,200 on a one way ticket home just to be home 6 hours earlier and stay on the timeline. I don't regret the experience but as I sit here I realize I will use my better judgement next time. And I also will be taking out travel medical insurance next time I go! 3 days after I got back I was admitted into the hospital had to have surgery...that wouldn't have been a pretty bill if it had of happened while I was in Oklahoma.

**I'm prepared for feedback so don't sugar coat it.

adele

Weaver of Words

0 likes 11 Sep 2019

Quote by lucky7gal
To all who have commented and been following this feed:

I figured I owed a conclusion to prettyjoanne's friend's trip. Yes I confess I was the hasty girl who figured meeting someone I had known for less than two months was a perfectly okay thing to do. I took some of your advice and verified her identity before I jumped on the plane to Oklahoma. I won't get into too much detail here as maybe someday I'll find time to write about;) But yes there was sex...A LOT of sex! Some of it was enjoyable though most of it I feel lacked foreplay and was somewhat painful for my virgin body. I bet on my first horse races picking winners in 6 out of 9 races. I got the quick tour of OKC and got to binge watch 90 day fiance with the person I'd been critiquing the show with for a month lol. We crammed alot into 48 hours. My time in airports was hell! Delayed flights and missed connections on my way back caused me a lot of stress as I was falling out of the timeline I had set with my family...I was so afraid I was going to get caught in a lie I spent $1,200 on a one way ticket home just to be home 6 hours earlier and stay on the timeline. I don't regret the experience but as I sit here I realize I will use my better judgement next time. And I also will be taking out travel medical insurance next time I go! 3 days after I got back I was admitted into the hospital had to have surgery...that wouldn't have been a pretty bill if it had of happened while I was in Oklahoma.

**I'm prepared for feedback so don't sugar coat it.

Glad to hear you made it home safely, but I am confused about something. What part of your trip did you lie to your family about? Where you were going? Who you were meeting and why? Just who in your real life knew your plans? If the only people who knew the entire story were online people, that is a real problem and just less than great sex is getting off easy. Not to mention $1200 spent for a ticket that could have been avoided if you could just have called your family and said, "flights were delayed... gonna be somewhat late getting back"I say this with a fair amount of experience from several perspectives. I have met quite a few lushies, mostly local and ALWAYS somewhere public the first time, or every time. I have traveled far to meet someone (on my dime and with my families full knowledge).

I have also payed for someone's travel to come to my home after a relatively short period of knowing each other. It was mutually beneficial for both of us, with no expectation of sex (though some hope on my part), and parameters of the meeting spelled out quite clearly ahead of time. I likely had more to fear from her, than she did from me and we became good friends for awhile. But even in that context, I made sure my family knew ahead of time and even that they met her.

You definitely need to rethink the situation if something similar comes up in the future and take proper precautions. As someone mentioned earlier, if someone is willing to pay your way to see them, they want or expect something in return, be it sex or something else. In my case, i needed a partial kitchen makeover finished and she was a carpenter. In her case, it was a need to get away from home after several months of providing hospice care for a friend after she passed. Sex or the expectation of it is not really the best reason to meet someone. You never know if there will be chemistry when you actually meet, despite how well you get on online.

Contingencies should be made in advance if things don't turn out to be what you expected, including turning around immediately and going back home. Also, keep in mind all the advice that was given in this thread. it was all pretty sound. And next time, make sure your family knows the WHOLE story.

Quote by lucky7gal
I had a thought this morning while reading the vast array of responses to this feed. No one has taken this girl's mindset into consideration. Maybe she's being as careful as she thinks she can be/is necessary given her personal circumstances. Maybe she has a family/career that limit how open she can be about travelling thousands of miles to meet someone she obviously feels is worth the time. Maybe she's tried to pursue online relationships over an extended period of time and its caused her nothing but heartache and a greater fear of rejection than just jumping in with both feet early and knowing if its going to work out or not. I'm not saying this girl shouldn't take some caution if she intends to do this...I'm only saying don't judge a book by its cover. We are all from different walks of life on lush and some of us have the luxury to openly pursue more endeavors than others of us could ever dream of. If I were the older woman I'd be more afraid the youngster visiting is looking for a sugar mama;)

I did wonder when I read this post if you were the person. And I do understand the multiple tries and the rejection. I have had plenty of that as well. For my part, I am lucky that I have the freedom to do as I please without having to answer to anyone. But I would still not take that kind of chance without telling my family. That being said, if you were so concerned your family or career would be adversely affected by knowing what you were going to do, perhaps that should have set off alarm bells about doing it in the first place. Surely there is one person in your family you could have confided in.

noll

"insensitive prick!" – Danielle Algo

0 likes 11 Sep 2019

I met someone here about 5 years ago. After about 3 or 4 months we decided to meet up somewhere in the middle (Brussels). It felt right. I had told a friend where I was going and with whom, but she had not told anyone. I told her she should, especially since we had mostly just texted and only spoke on the phone a few times. No video chat even. Still she didn't. Thinking back, she really took a big risk. Neither of us knew the city and the apartment I had booked through Airbnb turned out to be some hidden loft in not the best part of the city. And she didn't have a place for herself to stay (that I know of) either, in case things didn't work out as planned.
So, if any of you were wondering why she's no longer on Lush… Nah, I even spend Christmas at her parents' house that year. I guess her skin suit was that convincing evil4

Anyway, it's nice if your online love interest fully trusts you or if you feel you can trust them, but it's an unnecessary risk. You should at least tell someone where you'll be and with whom and let the person you're meeting with know you told others about your meetup and about them. Depending on how safe you feel wondering alone at night have a backup place to stay or a means to travel back My 2 cents

=== Not ALL LIVES MATTER until BLACK LIVES MATTER ===

lucky7gal

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 13 Sep 2019

adele:

A little background before I explain why I lied to my family about every detail of this trip. Last year I met a local girl who I had so much in common with...we had been seeing each other casually all summer and I wanted her to come with me to California so I paid her way. No with the expectation of sex but because I enjoyed her company. While on that trip she got drunk and let it slip that she was polyamorous and had been sleeping with a guy the whole time she had been seeing me claiming "she didn't know I was interested." I entered a relationship with her after the trip but she promised me she would only be committed to me and the guy she was currently seeing. I found out by accident in May that she was seeing another guy and a few weeks later that she was pregnant. I waited a month for her to tell me because as upset as I was I didn't want to 'rock the boat.' It took me so long to convince myself that leaving her was the right thing to do...and many persistent pep talks with a very close online friend. It took alot of pushing but I finally broke it off with her.

After that my first thought was...I was cornered. I no longer had an outlet or place to get away from home. Being with B had given me the freedom to be away on weekends without any questions being asked and take time off my 24/7 hamster wheel. So I lied. To this day my family DOES NOT know that I'm no longer dating B. The end of June I met C from Oklahoma...though she is 28 years my senior we hit it off. After a few weeks she offered to pay a portion of my airfare to come and meet her. I was so flattered I didn't take into account all of the risks this interaction posed..but in the end I went anyways.

So the lies...I told my family I was going to Banff on a camping trip with B when in reality I was flying to OKC to meet C. They to this day know nothing about C. I had a handful of online friends who knew my plans as well as B and R her ex that I had become very close with after she cheated on us both. I realize I could have handled this situation much more wisely than I did. But if they found out I was no longer dating B I would have lost my freedom to make plans on weekends...which might seem ridiculous to some...but if the crowd judging knew how little time I get for myself they would understand the need to keep a scapegoat in my pocket.