Hello every one, I'm 19 and a freshman in college and I just wanted to know how long do you think too long to be a virgin? I don't really think I'm an ugly (I don't think) but never really had much luck with women. I've had had a few sexual encounters like naked pics and fingered a girl but never gotten the chance to actually have sex. As i grow closer to being 20 and I grow more and more concerned about it. Should I be?
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How long is too long to be a virgin?
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Advanced Wordsmith
Don't be concerned. It's not a race, its about relationships and it's worth taking time over. Sure, people do make a song and dance about sex, which makes you wonder if you are inadequate. But, in case it isn't obvious, a good deal of that posturing is all about flaunting social status - as measured by sexual success. Like any other kind of social competition, making other people feel bad about themselves and unable to measure up is all part of the ridiculous game.
But don't take this as saying that it is OK to sit back passively and vaguely hope that things will happen, either! Get into the habit of dressing well, expressing yourself well, listening to people, making yourself an attractive person to hang out with. And figure out how to make someone else understand that you're interested in them.
[I wish someone had said this to me thirty-something years ago!]
But don't take this as saying that it is OK to sit back passively and vaguely hope that things will happen, either! Get into the habit of dressing well, expressing yourself well, listening to people, making yourself an attractive person to hang out with. And figure out how to make someone else understand that you're interested in them.
[I wish someone had said this to me thirty-something years ago!]
Quote by BlackStar2
Hello every one, I'm 19 and a freshman in college and I just wanted to know how long do you think to long to be a virgin? I don't really think I'm an ugly (I don't think) but never really had much luck with women. I've had had a few sexual encounters like naked pics and fingered a girl but never gotten the chance to actually have sex. As i grow closer to being 20 and I grow more and more concerned about it. Should I be?
YOUR concern may be your draw back - stop worrying and be open to it happening. Don't go looking for it, but be available.
I don't know your style but I will tell you the one thing my mentor told me when I was 18 (now 67) don't rush a girl. Help her to be at ease around you. By nature women are cautious about us guys. Many warnings about guys from her friends, parents, churches etc.
I use humor to help a girl relax - no I don't mean jokes. My humor is the funny type you get when friends are together, relaxing, not dirty and usually about me doing something stupidly funny. Never joke about her or her friends/family - shows bad taste, even if she does it.
I'm not a dark handsome muscular dude, never was but the girls were/are beautiful, and fun to be with.
To brag, most of the time the girls I'm with are beautiful and much younger than me - youngest was by 24 years I was 50.
I'm always respectful, helpful and confident (my nature not a put on) - you know the boy scout type - and that transfers to the bedroom. I give her what she wants and then if she doesn't reciprocate I'm gone.
Lots of books and online money scams telling you how to get girls - junk most of them.
You'll hear it often - 'be yourself', that way you'll have no regrets if it doesn't work out.
And if you're really worried about being virgin then let the girls know - you might find one that would like to deflower a virgin
I used to think 22 was too long.
But more people are waiting until married, as maybe they once did but now it is for reasons becauses expectation or the norm. They may wait for love, committment, that right person, whether for personal or religious reasons/vows... and more persons are also marrying later on purpose than has been in the past.
Trends are changing.
It SHOULD be whenever YOU are ready (not a set time expectation or demand).
I say it should be when people want AND ot is a personal choice, so that is your own choice~ some people "want" and are not ready or prepared. I encourage you to try your best to be BOTH, emotionally and physically, etc. (Contraceptives, protection, emotionally ready). I suppose that is part of the risk, like marriage, and like children, even WITH planning, some people are really not ready or are not really prepared. We are not born with skills at anything but crying and making a mess, lol, so in order to support your desire and need, I think that you should ask yourself what it is you are wanting and looking for and "how" you want it to be.
I promote safe sex.
Do you want love or lust?
Either way, my views have changed, and we can often change our views, so be aware of that, in what you may want now vs. looking back in rettrospect. I express to people that they will always remember their first time- whether it is good or bad. They may also remember the person and their motives, so choose to make it SPECIAL... something you will want to remember and recall with a fondness if that is something that seems right.
*whether you end up with another virgin (at the time -both of you) or someone more experienced I hope they will be considerate of YOUR feelings, (and if nervous) and that you will be their considerate to them. VERY Important. I think communication is key or understanding each other, being on the same page about where you are at and what you like, don't like, want. You kinda have to open up and be free about things and let go- and that is the scary & GREAT thing that makes intimacy & sex so intimate & personal: risk and exploring possibilities
But more people are waiting until married, as maybe they once did but now it is for reasons becauses expectation or the norm. They may wait for love, committment, that right person, whether for personal or religious reasons/vows... and more persons are also marrying later on purpose than has been in the past.
Trends are changing.
It SHOULD be whenever YOU are ready (not a set time expectation or demand).
I say it should be when people want AND ot is a personal choice, so that is your own choice~ some people "want" and are not ready or prepared. I encourage you to try your best to be BOTH, emotionally and physically, etc. (Contraceptives, protection, emotionally ready). I suppose that is part of the risk, like marriage, and like children, even WITH planning, some people are really not ready or are not really prepared. We are not born with skills at anything but crying and making a mess, lol, so in order to support your desire and need, I think that you should ask yourself what it is you are wanting and looking for and "how" you want it to be.
I promote safe sex.
Do you want love or lust?
Either way, my views have changed, and we can often change our views, so be aware of that, in what you may want now vs. looking back in rettrospect. I express to people that they will always remember their first time- whether it is good or bad. They may also remember the person and their motives, so choose to make it SPECIAL... something you will want to remember and recall with a fondness if that is something that seems right.
*whether you end up with another virgin (at the time -both of you) or someone more experienced I hope they will be considerate of YOUR feelings, (and if nervous) and that you will be their considerate to them. VERY Important. I think communication is key or understanding each other, being on the same page about where you are at and what you like, don't like, want. You kinda have to open up and be free about things and let go- and that is the scary & GREAT thing that makes intimacy & sex so intimate & personal: risk and exploring possibilities
Active Ink Slinger
There is no time limit. I'm just a year younger than you and still a virgin too. Heck, I reckon I'll still be one for a couple more years. It's all about waiting until you are ready. Sure I've had the chance to lose it before but I decided not to because the moment didn't feel right. It should come naturally. There's nothing to be concerned with. Some people wait until marriage, or until they meet that special someone (like me). There's nothing wrong with doing so. Don't feel pressured by anyone, because I'm pretty sure that if you give into those silly people, once you actually lose it you won't feel any different. Like losing your virginity isn't life changing, so don't rush into it. Wait until you feel it's right. It's your penis, not anybody else's. 
Artistic Tart
If you make it to 50, that's a pretty good haul.
Don't wait too long or you could wind up like this c**t Anne Widdecombe.jpg)
Her claim to fame is she's still a virgin and as a British MP, was known for opposing the legality of abortion, her opposition to LGBT equality and her support for the re-introduction of the death penalty.UHZ4ov2zlKA13Sg4
Maybe she'd been a nicer person if she had gotten instead of doing it to others.
Take your time, find the right person, and you'll enjoy it all the more. Sure, you could just rush into a relationship or have a quickie hook-up just to get it over with but that wouldn't be as enjoyable in the long haul or leave as many great memories. I'm saying this as someone who didn't "lose it" until I was 24 and in my one and only great romance (which has cooled off but is far from dead).
Advanced Wordsmith
I was 22 when i lost my virginity, that was long enough i thought
People who don't "have luck" with the opposite sex are often people with "different" personalities. Whether it's good or bad. I know a girl who everyone loves, because of her personality, and she is attractive, but not over the top. Myself on the other hand, I have been called attractive (by a few daring people) but not many people tell me they like me because they are scared of me and I have a... really mean personality (TBH)
To answer your question: I think you should stay a virgin until you are completely ready, which for me is when I am married.
To answer your question: I think you should stay a virgin until you are completely ready, which for me is when I am married.
Clumeleon
Hello, BlackStar, and welcome to the Lush forum (I see this is your first post).
I was your age when I lost my virginity, and it was something I used to worry about a lot. I used to think that it would get to the point where it had been so long that no woman would even want to go near me, and I wouldn't know what to do with any that did. I started to feel like that again after a very long "dry spell" which ended recently.
However, what I have realised is that you don't have to worry, because it will happen with the right person at the right time, quite naturally. Just enjoy your life as it is, meet interesting people, pursue romantic interests, if any. Don't agonise about sex, and don't let your preoccupation with it drive your social interactions. Just trust in the fact that it will happen for you and it will be fantastic.
I was your age when I lost my virginity, and it was something I used to worry about a lot. I used to think that it would get to the point where it had been so long that no woman would even want to go near me, and I wouldn't know what to do with any that did. I started to feel like that again after a very long "dry spell" which ended recently.
However, what I have realised is that you don't have to worry, because it will happen with the right person at the right time, quite naturally. Just enjoy your life as it is, meet interesting people, pursue romantic interests, if any. Don't agonise about sex, and don't let your preoccupation with it drive your social interactions. Just trust in the fact that it will happen for you and it will be fantastic.
Active Ink Slinger
There is no set time for it being too long. The right time is when you are with someone you care about, are happy and comfortable and it will feel right and natural. Don't worry about it anddon't go looking for it. Just be available, be yourself, enjoy your life and the people in it and it will happen at the right time.
I lost mine too young I feel, I wish I had waited longer.
I lost mine too young I feel, I wish I had waited longer.
Story Verifier
While I hate to sound cliche, there's no correct answer I can give to that question. Any advice any of us were to give you would be based on our own perceptions, and many factors that aren't relevant to your life. There is no amount of time that is 'too long' to be a virgin. Personally, I think it's too early if you aren't ready for sex, or don't want to have sex. After that point, it's just up to you.
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Active Ink Slinger
It doesn't matter if your 19 and still.a virgin. It feels good if you wait for the right person you want to have sex with. What Im saying is its a better and special experience to have sex with the one you live. You can feel the connection and passion when you do it with the one you love.
Sensual Hobgoblin
Even though I started fairly young (it was right for me) I am not sure there is a "correct" answer. It is right for you when it happens. The only exception I would say, for men and women, is not to wait until you are married. I had a fem friend who was convinced that she had to wait to she was married to loose her virginity. I tried, in a very gentle, reasoned, way, to explain how wrong this could go but she was totally convinced. Last I heard she is still unmarried, no BF and in her late 30's.
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