More complaints from the resident crank - sprite

Quote by cydia

If it prevents just one instance of uninspiring, uninspired all-caps-repeat-letter-multiple-exclamation-points, it'll have been worth it, really 😐

*hangs her head low and closes her word processing program

Quote by CumGirl

I'm sorry but...

The original post on this thread was completely inappropriate and should have been deleted immediately. If added nothing to the general guidance of story submission criteria and was merely a 'Moderator' venting their spleen after a difficult day, not for the first time.

But, we've all had them (difficult days that is).

However, the thread hardly qualifies as a 'Site Announcement'. It is also completely pointless and worthless as the only people reading and commenting on it are long standing and highly accomplished authors who if they chose to capitalise or use extended vowel and constanant sounds as part of a story would do so with a clear understanding of what they were trying to achieve.

I for one am always truly appreciative of the efforts that Story Moderators make in checking our stories. Without them there would be no site, but to have a Moderator threaten to ban an author 'at whim' simply is unacceptable.

A little while ago a 'Moderator' told me in a PM that if there were issues those were best resolved by a private message/conversation rather than making public statements. I think she should heed her own advice.

I'm reporting this thread and the comment above as I believe it constitutes bullying behaviour contrary to the sites Forum Guidelines. If I'm banned 'at whim' as a result of that, so be it.

don't be a drama queen. i was teasing Susie. if you seriously think i'd do something like that then you haven't been paying attention the last 12 or so years. if you think Lush would tolerate something like that, even from me, then you are seriously deluded. that said, if anyone truly was offended by my postings, you have my sincere apology and an assurance that it won't happen again. sorry for attempting to make some suggestions that will save author's time, mod's time, and help you write a better story in a humorous fashion. and no, it did not stem from having a bad day. it stemmed from the number of rejections for the issues outlined earlier. if people really want to keep sending in stories that will be instantly declined, that's their prerogative.

just to make it clear. LushStories publishes quality stories. it's a sense of pride for us and, I think, it's why people publish here. yes, i know our standards seem harsh to some, but most of the writers and readers who visit the site do so knowing that what goes on the front page is carefully vetted. in other words, we don't publish crap. a lot of the writers here take that to heart and, when they receive a rejection notice, strive to do better - and it shows and i'm proud of being part of that tradition. i think that a lot of us, myself included, have become better at our craft because of the standards we set here. the point of rejecting a story isn't meant as a power play. it's meant to help a writer improve upon what might be a great idea but poorly executed. our mods actually put a lot of work into giving advice on how to take an unpolished gem and turn it into a jewel and, again, it's something we are quite proud of.

Quote by CumGirl

I'm sorry but...

The original post on this thread was completely inappropriate and should have been deleted immediately. If added nothing to the general guidance of story submission criteria and was merely a 'Moderator' venting their spleen after a difficult day, not for the first time.

But, we've all had them (difficult days that is).

However, the thread hardly qualifies as a 'Site Announcement'. It is also completely pointless and worthless as the only people reading and commenting on it are long standing and highly accomplished authors who if they chose to capitalise or use extended vowel and constanant sounds as part of a story would do so with a clear understanding of what they were trying to achieve.

I for one am always truly appreciative of the efforts that Story Moderators make in checking our stories. Without them there would be no site, but to have a Moderator threaten to ban an author 'at whim' simply is unacceptable.

A little while ago a 'Moderator' told me in a PM that if there were issues those were best resolved by a private message/conversation rather than making public statements. I think she should heed her own advice.

I'm reporting this thread and the comment above as I believe it constitutes bullying behaviour contrary to the sites Forum Guidelines. If I'm banned 'at whim' as a result of that, so be it.

Honestly? Sprite's rants are more entertaining and enjoyable than a lot of the stories. Report away but I would be sad to see an end to these threads.

Quote by krystalg

*hangs her head low and closes her word processing program

You couldn't write an uninspired, uninspiring all-caps-multiple-exclamation-points-repetitive-porno-closed-captions piece if your orgasms depended on it, Krystal.

Quote by Seeker4

Honestly? Sprite's rants are more entertaining and enjoyable than a lot of the stories. Report away but I would be sad to see an end to these threads.

Amen to that.

Just sipping a lemonade wondering how a post about suggestions that will help a story not to get rejected doesn’t qualify as a site announcement. SMH. 🤦‍♀️

Reading Sprite's togue-in-cheek rants is #1; really, really entertaining and fun, and #2; really, really instructive. I graduated from the Lush school-of-hard-rejections a long time ago and now my books sell very well due to what I learned in those harsh edits. My thanks to the mods and reviewers here for that and everything else they do.

Just a note about alternatives to all caps and elongated words. I have done both and upon reflection think it was bad writing. I think we can find more creative, still impactful (perhaps more so) ways of expression.

Been studying Stephen King's If It Bleeds. Consider his choice in this passage:

--------

But of all the things I can remember, the one I recall best -- and treasure -- is the sublime and savage satisfaction I felt when my fist connected with his face.

Boom boom pow.

--------

No caps. No exclamation marks. Yet, so powerful. Sometimes the subtle packs a punch, yes?

Speaking of exclamation marks, I think they are overused. I overuse them. Then, when you need a punch "I'm cumming!" it doesn't seem enough, so we feel we need to elongate "cuuuuuuummmmming!!!!". There are no degrees of exclamation point. One means strong feeling, so two means really strong feelings. Nope. It does't work like that.

At the end of Poe's The Tell-Tale Heart, everything is ended with an exclamation point. He'd mostly saved them for the ending, and that drove home the message. Instead of elongated words or caps throught a story, the saving of exclamation points until the big climax is enough. And Poe used em dashes for more emphasis. Although, like exclamation points, overusing em dashes loses their effect too.

Also, italics are used by many great authors for emphasis. A great tool, imo.

Just my 2 cents.

I, too, enjoy these threads and try to learn from them.

Quote by KimmiBeGood
Just a note

Thank you, Kimmi, for this. Your post is nuanced, sincere, intelligently argued, carefully worded, non-polemical, and buttressed by well-chosen examples. Therefore, it genuinely generates more light than heat. OK, I don't agree with everything you say (see my previous post above), but - more like this, please!

Quote by GrushaVashnadze

Thank you, Kimmi, for this. Your post is nuanced, sincere, intelligently argued, carefully worded, non-polemical, and buttressed by well-chosen examples. Therefore, it genuinely generates more light than heat. OK, I don't agree with everything you say (see my previous post above), but - more like this, please!

I'll go read yours now. I'm sure there are great writers to be found who use all caps at times and other different things. For me though, I think I'll refrain.

I have yet to find any comment or criticism of my writing offensive.

Quote by Icarus4

I have yet to find any comment or criticism of my writing offensive.

Is that a challenge? 🤔

Quote by Icarus4

I have yet to find any comment or criticism of my writing offensive.

That's why I like you, Icarus. You give honest feedback and you can take it too Sometimes hard to find here...

Can I put my two-pennyworths in? Yes Verity, please do, we’d love to hear what you have to say. Okay then, I will. There seems to me to be a rather large chasm between what some of the mods feel appropriate, and the readers themselves. As most of you know, I am not the sharpest tool in the shed, far from it. I left school early with only my fabulous looks and big boobs to get by on. Not even a sniff of a diploma; I’ve never even read a book, not a single one. Luckily for me, I never allowed my total lack talent or ability to stand in my way. A few of the moderators were very kind to me and helped me along. Others told me that my style of writing was not what Lush was looking for. I remember one told me that a story I’d entered in a competition wasn’t very good and I should consider making changes. I didn’t, and another moderator accepted it. The mod who told me that my story wasn’t very good also entered and managed to get less than half the score I did. So yes, that mod may have been correct. My story may not have been a literal masterpiece of big words or cuss words, but does that really matter? My scribbles have always been simple. In all of the stories I’ve ever written and sold, I have only ever used the “F” word once. The last micro I wrote on here was initially rejected as not being hot enough for this site. I said that I didn’t agree and it was on par with all my other Lush scribbles. Eventually it made it on and received a score of over seventy. That’s not bad for a micro. So, what is your point Verity? Sorry, I was having a ramble; my point is that I believe the moderators should sometimes cut people a little slack. If I may end with one little observation. Looking on the front page, down the bottom, you will see a list of four popular erotic stories. Their scores are, 472, 336, 212 and 172. Below that are for recommended classic stories. Their scores are, 12, 18, 33, and 56. I only say this to show that the customers don’t always agree with the moderators. Okay, as you were, rant over. Stand by your beds. I’ve put my flak jacket on, fire away. Regards, Verity.  PS, lady Sprite was always good and kind to me.

Consistency is a tricky line to walk. What one moderator thinks is okay, another might not. Or vice versa. But usually, if there's anything we're unsure of, we chat about it and reach a consensus.

Authors don't have to cuss in a story to make it erotic and I think (hope) everybody knows that, in the same way that Dave's performance of Black at the 2020 Brits was light years ahead of the official version, precisely because the more refined language hammered the point across way better then effing and enning every verse, like in the studio release.

Sure, styles clash and great writing is as much about breaking rules as following them. Lush prides itself on publishing stories to a higher standard than other erotic story sites. Have grammatical and spelling mistakes got through? Of course. Moderators are only human. And we're not insisting on Oscar Wilde levels of mastery.

But in order to successfully break rules, you gotta learn them first. And if that means sending stuff back for incorrect use of punctuation or dialogue tags or confusing plotlines where it takes significant mental effort to figure out who said what, so be it. And yet fantastic books just like that exist in print. James' Ellroy and Joyce, I'm looking at you.

If you've written something and have broken some stylistic conventions that you think might raise eyebrows, by all means mention it in the Moderator Notes box on submission, so it can be taken into account. But stating: "I'm not very good at punctuation or dialogue or writing or anything: be lenient" is probably not going to cut it.

As for story scores, remember that older stories were under a very different scoring system, there were way fewer site visitors, and also that whenever anyone left the site, their scores and comments were removed. That doesn't happen any more (I don't think: not entirely sure).

Quote by verity100
Eventually it made it on and received a score of over seventy. That’s not bad for a micro.

Do what you do and never stop believing in your worth. My little scribbles very rarely achieve half that love and I have written a good number of them. Sometimes what seems less at first glance, is far more at day's end.

Quote by WannabeWordsmith

As for story scores, remember that older stories were under a very different scoring system, there were way fewer site visitors, and also that whenever anyone left the site, their scores and comments were removed. That doesn't happen any more (I don't think: not entirely sure).

True! And scoring has been removed which immediately seemed to draw more votes. And Lush culture of readers is constantly changing! I think the current majority is looking to get off... which is fine. Incest is popular. If you want votes, write it. Longer word counts, deeper storyline might not be the faves right now. And (forgive caps Sprite 😉) but WHO THE FUCK CARES!!!

Jesus!!! I hate seeing this continuous numbers thing. Pointing out lower voted stories that got accolades is mean-girl stuff to those authors. Some parts of Lush, such as comps, are not a popularity contest. Thank God!

And once again, I've seen a mod, this time WannabeWordsmith, use his free time away from modding (that's he's also not paid for) to defend the other mods (none of which are paid) and the story approval process. This is not a democracy. It's a business. The administration can set whatever rules they want. Writers, it's a privilege to get published here. If we get a lot of votes, yay us!, we aren't entitled to a comp win (and yes, several of us have had most votes in a comp (me, Kat, others), not been on podium, and sincerely congratulated those stories deemed better by the judges). We aren't entitled to anything.

I've had stories rejected. So... I either changed the fucking story or scrapped it. If I write here, I follow the rules set by site. If I don't like rules, I'm free to leave. I'm not gonna publicly shame mod (who works for free) who rejected my story. If I'm that upset, I'll PM admin.

And don't ask a mod or administrator why you didn't win a comp if you can't handle the answer. The answer will always be "Your story wasn't good enough in the judges' minds." Duh! And you aren't the only one who wanted to win and didn't! Look around!

I'm sick and fussy and I know... I'll skip participating in threads if I dont like what I read. I hate feeling angry at others. And sugar-coated vinegar still takes like vinegar.

In closing, Sprite, upon reflection, I agree with your post and am working to better my writing. Thank you. I also know these posts are meant to draw a smile.

Quote by KimmiBeGood
Thank you. I also know these posts are meant to draw a smile

You made me smile, because you're always objective and honest. You get what Lush is all about (at least to me).

There should be a 'Beacon of Lush' badge for you.

Thank you, Kimmi!

Quote by cydia

If it prevents just one instance of uninspiring, uninspired all-caps-repeat-letter-multiple-exclamation-points, it'll have been worth it, really 😐

It did actually, in this story: A Strange Holiday, A Stranger Romance

Check footnote 0 also to a certain extent footnote 1, mostly 0 though. Yeah, I did use zero-indexing footnotes in a porn story.

The rasping melody of Sprite’s warbles remind me that Spring is near and my love for everything Sprite grows more intense.❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥😂 I tend to agree about CAPS! I really do think she is something special but she knows that.

I've tried to curb the use of caps by using italics within a sentence that ends with an exclamation mark. Not sure if readers sense the intent, but goshdarnit, I give it the old college try.

"Son of a bitch!"

I don't know. You tell me.

As for elongated words in dialogue - guilty as charged 😆😆. I don't surpass the same letter three times. I guess one could use a dialogue tag such as 'droned' or anything similar, but I don't feel like it has the same effect. That's a personal thing though.

Quote by CarltonStJames

"Son of a bitch!"

is far more effective than "Son of a BITCH!" The former is pointed and accusatory; the latter simply a commonplace rant.

I just remembered a story from a few years back (not naming the author). The cheated spouse grabbed his wife's head and "whispered in her ear "GONNA PAY FOR THIS, HO!"" I had a laugh and stopped reading.

Quote by kistinspencil

I just remembered a story from a few years back (not naming the author). The cheated spouse grabbed his wife's head and "whispered in her ear "GONNA PAY FOR THIS, HO!"" I had a laugh and stopped reading.

🤣🤣 This is funny... reminds me of Dad right now. He still likes to send emails but is corresponding in all caps now. My sis and I keep telling him it reads like he's yelling at everybody. 😊

Sprite can walk on my carpet with dog poop on her shoes and I still will find her beautiful, intelligent, witty and so…well you know. Lush would be an empty shell without her comments and incredible stories. She makes want to…so frustrating that we walk on opposite sides of the street!

Quote by Icarus4

Sprite can walk on my carpet with dog poop on her shoes and I still will find her beautiful, intelligent, witty and so…well you know. Lush would be an empty shell without her comments and incredible stories. She makes want to…so frustrating that we walk on opposite sides of the street!

i don't walk. i kinda float...

Quote by verity100

Can I put my two-pennyworths in? Yes Verity, please do, we’d love to hear what you have to say. Okay then, I will. There seems to me to be a rather large chasm between what some of the mods feel appropriate, and the readers themselves. As most of you know, I am not the sharpest tool in the shed, far from it. I left school early with only my fabulous looks and big boobs to get by on. Not even a sniff of a diploma; I’ve never even read a book, not a single one. Luckily for me, I never allowed my total lack talent or ability to stand in my way. A few of the moderators were very kind to me and helped me along. Others told me that my style of writing was not what Lush was looking for. I remember one told me that a story I’d entered in a competition wasn’t very good and I should consider making changes. I didn’t, and another moderator accepted it. The mod who told me that my story wasn’t very good also entered and managed to get less than half the score I did. So yes, that mod may have been correct. My story may not have been a literal masterpiece of big words or cuss words, but does that really matter? My scribbles have always been simple. In all of the stories I’ve ever written and sold, I have only ever used the “F” word once. The last micro I wrote on here was initially rejected as not being hot enough for this site. I said that I didn’t agree and it was on par with all my other Lush scribbles. Eventually it made it on and received a score of over seventy. That’s not bad for a micro. So, what is your point Verity? Sorry, I was having a ramble; my point is that I believe the moderators should sometimes cut people a little slack. If I may end with one little observation. Looking on the front page, down the bottom, you will see a list of four popular erotic stories. Their scores are, 472, 336, 212 and 172. Below that are for recommended classic stories. Their scores are, 12, 18, 33, and 56. I only say this to show that the customers don’t always agree with the moderators. Okay, as you were, rant over. Stand by your beds. I’ve put my flak jacket on, fire away. Regards, Verity.  PS, lady Sprite was always good and kind to me.

I've read your stories, Verity. My theory is a simple one, you appeal to the imagination, show and not tell. You deserve all those votes for that very difficult approach to take. Long may it continue, and I am with you all the way. The mods here have been all wonderful to me. I know I could not do it, I do not have the patience at all.

Lastly, capital letters and elongated words. For me... find some adjectives.

Extra lastly, Sprite is, as the English say it: 'being tongue in cheek' (the French use a cow idiom for this, probably). If we cannot exercise our sense of humour, well, it is not on Sprite that should change her choice of words but for the owner of a defective sense of humour to lighten up.

Quote by sprite

i don't walk. i kinda float...

In my mind you certainly do….❤️

My latest story, The Fockit, or, In and Out Again, contains the following inimitable piece of love-talk:

“YEAH FUUUUCK!!! FUCKIN’ COMING, BABE. SQUIRT YER FUCKIN’ JIZZ ALL OVER ME FUCKIN’ SLUT FACE – YEAAAAAHHHHH!!!"

Just saying... 😕

Sing to me, o muse, of that man, that digger of ditches, that soaker of panties, Odysseus.

"Gods, YES," patient Odysseus shouted, "make me CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM!"

"Fucking give it to me," begged bright-eyed Athena, as thirsty as a man who staggers from the desert. "Paint my face, you cunning bastard!"

"UUUUGH FUCK," clever Odysseus responded.

Quote by pinkysurprise

Sing to me, o muse, of that man, that digger of ditches, that soaker of panties, Odysseus.

"Gods, YES," patient Odysseus shouted, "make me CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM!"

"Fucking give it to me," begged bright-eyed Athena, as thirsty as a man who staggers from the desert. "Paint my face, you clever bastard!"

"UUUUGH FUCK," clever Odysseus responded.

wtf.... simplified in good English:

I would like to have an orgasm please. Can you help me?