Clum's Golden Giveaway - Part 1

1 Jul 2020

Clum's Golden Giveaway - Part 1

The spirit of charity has, for no apparent reason, started coursing through my veins. So I've decided to run a competition with the chance to win a Gold Membership to Lush.

This is Part 1, and Part 2 will follow next week. There will be one Gold Membership awarded for each part (so two chances to win).

To be in with a chance of winning, all you have to do is entertain me. I demand from you one of the following, to be posted in this thread:

A. One thing very clever. (5 points)

B. Two things moderately clever. (2 points each)

C. Three things very dull indeed. (1 point each)

These “things” can be pretty much anything - an interesting fact, an amusing anecdote, an entertaining joke. You could share a little ditty, or something utterly ridiculous. Images and videos are also allowed.

Bonus Points

1. This game is inspired by one of my favourite novels. You will receive one bonus point if you reference that novel (and I understand the reference) without explicitly saying what it is.

2. You will receive one bonus point if anything you post makes me laugh out loud.

3. If something that you post is so clever that it makes me want to look it up and learn more, you will receive one bonus point.

Maximum: 8 points

Rules
• Each member may enter only once, and can only select one of A, B or C (no mixing and matching). State which option you are taking in your post.
• I will decide how "clever" a thing is. For example, if you submit something as "moderately clever" but I deem it very dull, I will only award it 1 point.
• Existing Gold Members can still enter and, if they win, gift the prize to another member of their choosing.
• If there is a tie, the winner will be the person who posted what I judge to be the most clever thing.
• The competition will close on Wednesday 8th July. I will lock the thread when it is over, and announce the winner shortly after.

Note: This is not an official Lush Stories competition. This is done entirely off my own back. If you don't like my rules, don't play my game.

2 Jul 2020

Here's an example of two things I would deem to be "moderately clever", to give you an idea of what I'm looking for:

1. The world's one and only knighted penguin lives at Edinburgh Zoo, and his name is Sir Nils Olav. (This is the kind of thing that might earn a bonus point, because I'd probably want to see what that penguin looked like).

2.

2 Jul 2020

And here's one thing I consider "very clever" (a favourite from years ago):

2 Jul 2020

Judging from the thread title and the nature of this site, I thought you were going to piss on the winner.

In the vein of your 'very clever' non-linear editing music video I almost posted "Lasse Gjertsen's Hyperactive" because it's a fabulous example of how to (ab)use a video editor. But I figured that was too samey so I'm going to present my all time favourite video short instead. "The Black Hole":

I think that's not only an insanely clever bit of video editing, I love the moral behind the story. So well told in such a short runtime and no dialogue.

So I'm going for A. I'm not learned enough to decide which of the books on your favourite list is the one that inspired this competition, but if you don't pick me, I know where Jen lives.

Please browse my digital bookshelf. In this collection, you can find 116 full stories, 10 micro-stories, and 2 poems with the following features:

* 29 Editor's Picks, 75 Recommended Reads.
* 15 competition podium places, 11 other times in the top ten.
* 21 collaborations.
* A whole heap of often filthy, tense, hot sex.

2 Jul 2020

i'm going for A as well smile

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

2 Jul 2020

Hi Clum, sorry if I seemed a bit rude the other day.

I'll try C. Three very dull things:

1. Most security guard jobs. (I've known people who've done them.)

2. Joe Biden.

3. NASCAR, unless there is a big crash. That's why I used to watch demolition derbies on TV years ago; they were nothing but crashes.

2 Jul 2020

Quote by LakeShoreLimited
Hi Clum, sorry if I seemed a bit rude the other day.

Not at all, mate. Bygones. Thanks for playing the game.

2 Jul 2020

"Three things very dull indeed." That will just do for me, you know. However, Clum, but there may be a difficulty. Pardon me - but am I limited as to number - only three at once? ... Nevertheless, understanding and gratification come together. And so, though the following might be a very indifferent piece of wit, yet I find a great deal to laugh at and enjoy in it - so I am going for option A:

Grusha

GrushaVashnadze's best stories:

Alison Goes to London (RR) - "love this... fun, and funny, and sexy" (sprite)

The Cursed Cunt (RR) - "holyyyyy sheeeiiit.... Your writing is fucking fantastic" (CarltonStJames)

A Worthless Filthy Fucking Smoking Trash Cunt Whore (RR) - "Brilliantly done. Of course." (naughtyannie)

Snow White and the Seven Dildos (RR) - "Fuck. It's perfect.... honestly genius and so fucking well executed." (VioletVixen)

Metamorphoses (RR) - "so imaginative and entertaining" (saucymh)

And There Came Two Angels to Sodom - "What a deliciously worded story! So juicy, so raunchy" (el_henke)

Fuck-Talk (with VioletVixen) - "Jeez. I feel rendered wordless by how much clever fucking fun this is" (Jaymal)

2 Jul 2020

I shall go for three things dull, option C. Fugly

1.SXuUHS2QCiRl
*NOTE: This is not only dull, but this particular video of the test pattern is ONE HOUR long. While the question of why we would need a color test patern that is one hour may seem interesting enough, you may notice that 296,335 people have viewed it!! What the actual FUCK?

2. Queuing... pretty much anywhere!

3.

ok so Cher is not boring, but entertaining and i think you know why i am posting it. read2

2 Jul 2020

Quote by WannabeWordsmith
Judging from the thread title and the nature of this site, I thought you were going to piss on the winner.

In the vein of your 'very clever' non-linear editing music video I almost posted "Lasse Gjertsen's Hyperactive" because it's a fabulous example of how to (ab)use a video editor. But I figured that was too samey so I'm going to present my all time favourite video short instead. "The Black Hole":

[ The Black Hole ]

I think that's not only an insanely clever bit of video editing, I love the moral behind the story. So well told in such a short runtime and no dialogue.

So I'm going for A. I'm not learned enough to decide which of the books on your favourite list is the one that inspired this competition, but if you don't pick me, I know where Jen lives.

It reminded me of a Pink Panther cartoon with an instant hole, but I couldn't find it. Apparently it was a recurring joke by that studio though:

=== Not ALL LIVES MATTER until BLACK LIVES MATTER ===

2 Jul 2020

Quote by noll
It reminded me of a Pink Panther cartoon with an instant hole, but I couldn't find it. Apparently it was a recurring joke by that studio though:

Is this an entry?

2 Jul 2020

Quote by clum

Is this an entry?

Nah. But if you know anything about JavaScript then this is my entry…
which is obviously B, because the pic and this white text are only moderately clever.

Otherwise it's just nonsense I suppose ;)

=== Not ALL LIVES MATTER until BLACK LIVES MATTER ===

3 Jul 2020

Quote by noll
if you know anything about JavaScript then this is my entry…

Nice!

Please browse my digital bookshelf. In this collection, you can find 116 full stories, 10 micro-stories, and 2 poems with the following features:

* 29 Editor's Picks, 75 Recommended Reads.
* 15 competition podium places, 11 other times in the top ten.
* 21 collaborations.
* A whole heap of often filthy, tense, hot sex.

3 Jul 2020

Quote by tams_back_yay
I shall go for three things dull, option C.

1.gi1l3EDBTDq5
*NOTE: This is not only dull, but this particular video of the test pattern is ONE HOUR long. While the question of why we would need a color test patern that is one hour may seem interesting enough, you may notice that 296,335 people have viewed it!! What the actual FUCK?

296,335 people may have viewed it, but I doubt most of them watched the whole thing. Maybe there is some drug one could take to make that possible. Angel dust? Probably not that, but I don't have the knowledge for a plausible answer.

4 Jul 2020

B Maybe not clever but entertaining and you did say to entertain you. confused1

A little bit of filth to read and/or listen to.
https://www.lushstories.com/stories/erotic-poems/filthy.aspx
https://www.lushstories.com/stories/erotic-poems/a-gift-for-a-very-good-friend.aspx
https://www.lushstories.com/stories/erotic-poems/date-night-1.aspx

5 Jul 2020

I'm picking one thing.

And not that I would ever threaten anyone, but I was wandering down the street the other day and well...

Don't think I had anything else to add.

Em...maybe.

toothy2

5 Jul 2020

Quote by WannabeWordsmith
but if you don't pick me, I know where Jen lives.

If you play chap chap runaway one more time...

*Shakes fist*

5 Jul 2020

Message: "Say NO to drugs"

Me: "Well if I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said YES"

5 Jul 2020

Quote by Jen
I'm picking one thing.

And not that I would ever threaten anyone, but I was wandering down the street the other day and well...

Don't think I had anything else to add.

Em...maybe.

That's two things actually, but both are certainly competition-worthy.

I assume that's an orange coffin? Is the blue sign the brand name?

5 Jul 2020

Quote by LakeShoreLimited

That's two things actually, but both are certainly competition-worthy.

I assume that's an orange coffin? Is the blue sign the brand name?

Just the one clever thing icon_smile

The picture was my not so veiled threat about what would happen if he didn't pick me. Irn Bru is a fizzy soda in Scotland. Loved by many, Clum included. Hated by me.

I'm just trying to make him laugh to see if I get a bonus point.

5 Jul 2020

Quote by Jen

Just the one clever thing

The picture was my not so veiled threat about what would happen if he didn't pick me. Irn Bru is a fizzy soda in Scotland. Loved by many, Clum included. Hated by me.

I'm just trying to make him laugh to see if I get a bonus point.

So the Boris Johnson clip is the actual entry. Is he always that incoherent?

The funeral parlor photo is pretty funny on its own merits. Do you know the location of the place?

6 Jul 2020

Quote by LakeShoreLimited
So the Boris Johnson clip is the actual entry. Is he always that incoherent?

The funeral parlor photo is pretty funny on its own merits. Do you know the location of the place?

Only the video was judged as an entry. And yes, he is pretty much always that incoherent.

6 Jul 2020

Quote by LakeShoreLimited

Do you know the location of the place?

That particular branch is in Edinburgh. I have to say, I'm loving their current selection. This from Google maps...

That one in the far left window has my name on it, lol.

6 Jul 2020

Quote by Jen

That particular branch is in Edinburgh. I have to say, I'm loving their current selection. This from Google maps...

That one in the far left window has my name on it, lol.

Yes, love those coffins.

I'd never want an open-casket funeral for myself or any casket at all in fact. But yet I can imagine lying there with some dumb stuff on, like a MAGA cap and a "Making of a Republican" T-shirt (two elephants mating).

Pure fantasy, of course.

6 Jul 2020

Quote by Jen

That particular branch is in Edinburgh. I have to say, I'm loving their current selection. This from Google maps...

That one in the far left window has my name on it, lol.

I like how the one with the tartan looks a bit like an old fashioned suitcase. "Oh no, he's not dead. He's just traveling to other worlds."

=== Not ALL LIVES MATTER until BLACK LIVES MATTER ===

6 Jul 2020

Quote by noll

I like how the one with the tartan looks a bit like an old fashioned suitcase. "Oh no, he's not dead. He's just traveling to other worlds."

Maybe Clum's next competition should be for best coffin design. I propose camouflage, either army green or desert tan according to taste.

7 Jul 2020

Quote by LakeShoreLimited

Maybe Clum's next competition should be for best coffin design. I propose camouflage, either army green or desert tan according to taste.

Why camouflage? You'll fade away anyway eventually.

=== Not ALL LIVES MATTER until BLACK LIVES MATTER ===

7 Jul 2020

Quote by noll

Why camouflage? You'll fade away anyway eventually.

I get your joke about how silly it is. Maybe it would be bought by someone who is really proud of their record of military service. I guess the person (probably a man, although not necessarily) would be lying there in full dress uniform. Or maybe a field uniform, if he wants to express that he has "been in the shit."

8 Jul 2020

Going to leave this up for a couple more days, in case anyone has something very clever they want to share with me.

Part 2 will be posted later today.

8 Jul 2020

Quote by clum
Going to leave this up for a couple more days, in case anyone has something very clever they want to share with me.

Part 2 will be posted later today.

I thought there would be a huge number of responses. There are some, but not as many as I had expected.