My husband and I have had a conversation recently about open our relationship to other people. Meaning that it would be okay for us to sleep with other people. I just don't know how I truly feel about it. We had our son right out of high school and have never been with anyone other than each other. He wants to have more experiences and in all honesty I do as well. I wonder what it would feel like to have sex with another man or even have sex with a woman. I love my husband and am afraid that I may loose him if we actually agree to this. What is your opinion on open relationships? Can they work?
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Open Relationships
Active Ink Slinger
We have an open one but only in threesomes or foursomes we only play together its good fun you guys should think about this type of an open marriage that way you get to play with someone new but you do it together
Active Ink Slinger
if you both agree & promise to stop if either 1 of you wish it
why not
normally i dont go for this..
but in your case as you both are each other's firsts..it might spice it up a bit
why not
normally i dont go for this..
but in your case as you both are each other's firsts..it might spice it up a bit
When you have only had one sex partner experience, it can be a real tightrope to "swing out" a bit because the emotions run away with the passions and you can find yourself suddenly in a crush, infatuation, or "in love" with someone you did not expect to. That "shock of the new" -- as artists/cultural pundits call it -- can overwhelm your sense and sensibility. On the other hand, if you remain "aloof" and detached, you lose the good feeling of connecteness for the sexy bits. Might I suggest you use the "vicarious method"? Go out together (esp. if you can get a babysitter) and oogle other people that appeal, then go home and screw each other's brains out. Try that for awhile and see where it takes you before jumping the shark, so to speak.
Quote by WmCutterBlack
Might I suggest you use the "vicarious method"? Go out together (esp. if you can get a babysitter) and oogle other people that appeal, then go home and screw each other's brains out. Try that for awhile and see where it takes you before jumping the shark, so to speak.
I like this idea. We have talked about this more since then and have started coming up with some ground rules and such. I am just waiting to see what happens really. For me I want the freedom to do as I choose but I don't necessarily want to do what the freedom allows. I guess for me its just the idea that is very arousing. He's already said that he won't go for it unless I agree to it too. I think that if we do go for it, it may be one sided. I am a rather shy person and wouldn't even know where to begin.
Active Ink Slinger
If you simply throw 'open' the marriage, with each of you on your own, it will be a seperating situation. However, if you try out some off-premise swingers clubs, or attend some swinger and/or Lifestyle parties, together you two can find other couples to have fun with; so it is something you enjoy as a couple. If you can find a Lifestyle resort nearby, go for a few weekends, you'll be pleasantly surprised. BDSM clubs are also a good place to meet interesting people as are the Swinger/Lifestyle conventions. If you have the time and money, Club Hedonism in Jamaiica is awesome.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by WmCutterBlack
When you have only had one sex partner experience, it can be a real tightrope to "swing out" a bit because the emotions run away with the passions and you can find yourself suddenly in a crush, infatuation, or "in love" with someone you did not expect to. That "shock of the new" -- as artists/cultural pundits call it -- can overwhelm your sense and sensibility. On the other hand, if you remain "aloof" and detached, you lose the good feeling of connecteness for the sexy bits. Might I suggest you use the "vicarious method"? Go out together (esp. if you can get a babysitter) and oogle other people that appeal, then go home and screw each other's brains out. Try that for awhile and see where it takes you before jumping the shark, so to speak.
This is awesome advice... this is something any long term couple can do. As you get to "oogle" other people, you can describe to each other why you find that person hot... or (and I've done this for my husband, to tease him), as you're walking around town, look for people that HE would find attractive, and talk about it. Like maybe, "Don't you think she's hot? I love her ass!" Just talking dirty like that can be a real turn on, especially if he isn't used to hearing it from you. And it puts the focus on your YOUR potentially hot and spicy sex life. Good luck!
Wise Ass
Quote by Fnrock
Don't get open relationships no point to them . Just be single and date . Simple !
She's married, so how could she possibly be single and date?
The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker
[URL=http://www.lushstories.com/stories/reluctance/the-night-that-changed-my-life-1.aspx][IMG]http://i.imgur.com/WPPsy.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
[URL=http://www.lushstories.com/stories/reluctance/the-night-that-changed-my-life-1.aspx][IMG]http://i.imgur.com/WPPsy.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
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To add an update: I would just like to let everyone know that we have decided not to open the relationship. We found that we both felt a little "weird" about the idea of being with someone else. I'm sure that even if the opportunity arose that I could actually sleep with someone else. Its just one of those things where we are comfortable and happy with what we have that we aren't willing to risk the consequences of our actions.
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by love_unrequited
My husband and I have had a conversation recently about open our relationship to other people. Meaning that it would be okay for us to sleep with other people. I just don't know how I truly feel about it. We had our son right out of high school and have never been with anyone other than each other. He wants to have more experiences and in all honesty I do as well. I wonder what it would feel like to have sex with another man or even have sex with a woman. I love my husband and am afraid that I may loose him if we actually agree to this. What is your opinion on open relationships? Can they work?
Mu personal experience with open relationships is that someone gets hurt. Either the guy can't get laid and hates that his partner can or the woman can't really pull the trigger and gets pissed when the man fucks around. Either way, I think most of them are doomed.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by love_unrequited
To add an update: I would just like to let everyone know that we have decided not to open the relationship. We found that we both felt a little "weird" about the idea of being with someone else. I'm sure that even if the opportunity arose that I could actually sleep with someone else. Its just one of those things where we are comfortable and happy with what we have that we aren't willing to risk the consequences of our actions.
Congrats for thinking about it, discussing it, exploring the possibility of it, and coming to a mutual decision about it. That combination probably strengthened your bond. It probably even enhanced your sex life because now you're more committed to each other.
My latest story is too hot to publish. My most recent story before that is Even Stranger In Lust
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by love_unrequited
To add an update: I would just like to let everyone know that we have decided not to open the relationship. We found that we both felt a little "weird" about the idea of being with someone else. I'm sure that even if the opportunity arose that I could actually sleep with someone else. Its just one of those things where we are comfortable and happy with what we have that we aren't willing to risk the consequences of our actions.
I am glad to hear that you two had discussions about this and have been open and honest with each other!
Coming from a marriage in which my Hubby and I have been in the lifestyle for decades, I can tell you that if you did not do this completely and honestly with each other from the beginning and continue on, IT WON'T WORK!!!
It's not for everyone! But if it can help enhance your sex play and add to the fantasies or pursuits of pleasures, then it's a good thing!
I like how others made suggestions of seeing others or trying some out of town open swingers events. There are often meet and greets with well organized clubs and it helps people get an understanding of the culture and social environments.
Personally, I would suggest you two continue being open and honest with each other and freely discuss the desires or fantasies you get and then use them as roleplay / foreplay for your personal enjoyment. If this becomes a continual desire for you both, you could also look into finding sex clubs or people who would do non-contact, same room sex or maybe allow you two to be voyeurs and have your own pleasures without the risks of swapping or trading.
Kisses!
Steph
Active Ink Slinger
Listen to your mind and to your heart and be careful listening to both
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by 1Zratedgal
I am glad to hear that you two had discussions about this and have been open and honest with each other!
Coming from a marriage in which my Hubby and I have been in the lifestyle for decades, I can tell you that if you did not do this completely and honestly with each other from the beginning and continue on, IT WON'T WORK!!!
It's not for everyone! But if it can help enhance your sex play and add to the fantasies or pursuits of pleasures, then it's a good thing!
I like how others made suggestions of seeing others or trying some out of town open swingers events. There are often meet and greets with well organized clubs and it helps people get an understanding of the culture and social environments.
Personally, I would suggest you two continue being open and honest with each other and freely discuss the desires or fantasies you get and then use them as roleplay / foreplay for your personal enjoyment. If this becomes a continual desire for you both, you could also look into finding sex clubs or people who would do non-contact, same room sex or maybe allow you two to be voyeurs and have your own pleasures without the risks of swapping or trading.
Kisses!
Steph
Great advice here you have to talk then talk some more then , you get to talk more about things it all has to be honest and above board ......
My advice is to tread carefully.
I've seen open relationships that lasted for thirty years after having been closed for ten, and still going strong. I've also seen ten year marriages collapse shortly after opening them, but in those cases, I don't think it was because the relationship was opened, but rather because it was done incorrectly.
In one case, it was an ultimatum from one partner to the other. They probably should have just broken up long before that anyway.
In another, they had agreed on a set of rules for when, who, how and what. It worked for them for six months or so, and then it all went haywire when they both (and they both said the other one did first) stopped obeying those rules. Started to treat them like guidelines.
The moral is that rules aren't guidelines, and you have to decide which of those things you want. The more flexibility in your arrangement, the more intimate and detailed your communication has to be on the subject. Regardless, communication is key in this scenario above all others I've ever encountered.
I've seen open relationships that lasted for thirty years after having been closed for ten, and still going strong. I've also seen ten year marriages collapse shortly after opening them, but in those cases, I don't think it was because the relationship was opened, but rather because it was done incorrectly.
In one case, it was an ultimatum from one partner to the other. They probably should have just broken up long before that anyway.
In another, they had agreed on a set of rules for when, who, how and what. It worked for them for six months or so, and then it all went haywire when they both (and they both said the other one did first) stopped obeying those rules. Started to treat them like guidelines.
The moral is that rules aren't guidelines, and you have to decide which of those things you want. The more flexibility in your arrangement, the more intimate and detailed your communication has to be on the subject. Regardless, communication is key in this scenario above all others I've ever encountered.
Active Ink Slinger
Call me old fashioned but I still think a relationship is between two people be it heterosexuals or same sex couples. I just can't seem to wrap my brain around the whole open-relationship thing no matter how many lovely chats I have with people on here. Personally, I would never want to share my man with anyone nor have him want to share me. I love the exclusivity of being in a relationship otherwise why bother being in one in the first place?
Having said this, I know many on here who are in open relationships will read this and tell me how they have 'rules' that make it work for them. Good for you if it does. Honestly, I have no issue if that is what you want to do and often think couples should be awarded a medal for being 'lucky' enough to be able to have their cake and eat it too. I guess I'm just a bit more old-school when it comes to relationships and really get off on being the one special woman who can rock my partner's world as he does for me. Anything else within that context is open season and that's when I proudly wave my freak flag.
Having said this, I know many on here who are in open relationships will read this and tell me how they have 'rules' that make it work for them. Good for you if it does. Honestly, I have no issue if that is what you want to do and often think couples should be awarded a medal for being 'lucky' enough to be able to have their cake and eat it too. I guess I'm just a bit more old-school when it comes to relationships and really get off on being the one special woman who can rock my partner's world as he does for me. Anything else within that context is open season and that's when I proudly wave my freak flag.
