Please help me, i love my wife dearly of thirty four years but last ten years she started getting really sick last seven she hasn been able to stand ne kind of touching due to pain from her sickness. I feel like an asshole just for even considering finding a woman on side to be with, this is something i have never done n never tht i would even entertain such n idea. Ive lasted these last seven yrs by staying busy taking care of her needs n constantly reminding myself of our vows but im getting weak i miss the intamacy n closeness please help!!!?????
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No sex in seven years arrgh help
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What is wrong with her? My reason for asking is that is it something which can be managed over time or something more chronic and potentially terminal?
If it is something which can be managed with time, then you should wait for her. You obviously care about her and if there is a good chance that she will recover then the faith and trust she put in you and you earned will make the renewed closeness better.
If it is something which is irreversible, something which is not going to get better, or something potentially terminal, then you might want to consider your options. Take a look at your relationship. What is it that you provide her with? What is it that she provides you with? What does she need? What do you need? And talk with her. If you've been married for so long then clearly you've learned to communicate. Don't push her into something she can't/won't do, but she deserves to know where your mind is and what you've been thinking. It is not wrong to support the woman you love, but nor is it wrong to realistically contemplate your needs.
Before you take any action consider how you will feel about it in the coming weeks/months/years. If you conclude that your best option is find someone else to fulfill your need for intimacy, then maybe you should consider it. It should be considered, though not until after all other options have been seriously considered.
TL;DR: Talk to your wife about where you are mentally, but do so gently and in a way which doesn't come off as accusing. It's not her fault she's sick. And if you decide that another person is what's best for you then consider taking action. But not until all other options have been exhausted.
People need intimacy. Relationships depend upon trust, respect, and understanding. Try to find a solution to balance her needs and yours. I'm sorry I can't be more help.
If it is something which can be managed with time, then you should wait for her. You obviously care about her and if there is a good chance that she will recover then the faith and trust she put in you and you earned will make the renewed closeness better.
If it is something which is irreversible, something which is not going to get better, or something potentially terminal, then you might want to consider your options. Take a look at your relationship. What is it that you provide her with? What is it that she provides you with? What does she need? What do you need? And talk with her. If you've been married for so long then clearly you've learned to communicate. Don't push her into something she can't/won't do, but she deserves to know where your mind is and what you've been thinking. It is not wrong to support the woman you love, but nor is it wrong to realistically contemplate your needs.
Before you take any action consider how you will feel about it in the coming weeks/months/years. If you conclude that your best option is find someone else to fulfill your need for intimacy, then maybe you should consider it. It should be considered, though not until after all other options have been seriously considered.
TL;DR: Talk to your wife about where you are mentally, but do so gently and in a way which doesn't come off as accusing. It's not her fault she's sick. And if you decide that another person is what's best for you then consider taking action. But not until all other options have been exhausted.
People need intimacy. Relationships depend upon trust, respect, and understanding. Try to find a solution to balance her needs and yours. I'm sorry I can't be more help.
Mareovulus thats very good advice n ur right we have def. learned how to communicate n negotiate over years. Unfortunately her sickness is irreversable n bless her heart its a slow painful all consuming battle. And like you say gefore i do just go out n do something like this ive gotta study my options on how to approach the delicate way to talk with her, because if it means causing more pain which i cant do im gonna have to figure out best way to get in touch with the monk side of my bieng, im not trying to make light of it but sometimes its just better to laugh than cry. Ty for your advice n time to write it out it was good.
Active Ink Slinger
I had no sex with her for 2 years and eventually we broke up 
.
I think, that you are a good husband, but you are also a human, a man, so if you get something aside, while still caring for her. I don't think that is wrong, because you are giving all of it
to your wife. You respect her, love her and are making sure she is cared for. No need to feel as an ass hole. You'd be one if you'd toss her aside for pussy, but you just wish to
feel that human touch and intimacy. It will also help you stay strong for your wife.
. I think, that you are a good husband, but you are also a human, a man, so if you get something aside, while still caring for her. I don't think that is wrong, because you are giving all of it
to your wife. You respect her, love her and are making sure she is cared for. No need to feel as an ass hole. You'd be one if you'd toss her aside for pussy, but you just wish to
feel that human touch and intimacy. It will also help you stay strong for your wife.
Advanced Wordsmith
It is a really hard balance to go that long without intimacy when your wife is present but you can do nothing. Now intimacy doesn't mean always touching.
Since it is painful for her to be touched can she speak? can she talk clearly?
If so you can have her guide you, tell you how to touch yourself, how to move your hands and that way she is involved and intimate with you.
Since it is terminal and she is not likely to recover you can bring up your needs for touch, for warmth, you can start it slow, see how she reacts. Yes it will be a little painful for her, she might give you the ok as long as she never knows and you just smile for her. She might ask to watch, she might ask that you can but no kissing ... make her a partner in your needs and intimacy and then you can figure out what is best for you both.
The most important part though is to talk through it all with her, with love, understanding and respect ...
Since it is painful for her to be touched can she speak? can she talk clearly?
If so you can have her guide you, tell you how to touch yourself, how to move your hands and that way she is involved and intimate with you.
Since it is terminal and she is not likely to recover you can bring up your needs for touch, for warmth, you can start it slow, see how she reacts. Yes it will be a little painful for her, she might give you the ok as long as she never knows and you just smile for her. She might ask to watch, she might ask that you can but no kissing ... make her a partner in your needs and intimacy and then you can figure out what is best for you both.
The most important part though is to talk through it all with her, with love, understanding and respect ...
Advanced Wordsmith
You talk to her gently, with love and respect and understanding with care. Trust God you can do it for seven years then much more if you really love her. You cannot force to make intimacy with her when she cannot do because of sickness. It can be worst if you keep on pushing just to fulfilled. Sickness is not a joke. How would you know if it can worst her feelings due to not feling well, right? Trust in God have faith in Him and He will guide you both husband and wife, for He knows best plans for you both with your life.
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Advanced Wordsmith
Good luck you guys... If you mind you can use alternative like https://sex-reviews.com
and do it by yourself just for the moment your wife have to recover from sickness...
and do it by yourself just for the moment your wife have to recover from sickness...
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Active Ink Slinger
An ideal situation would be to have a girl friend that is good friends with your wife and might even help you take care of her. You really have to ease into something like that. My hubby and bf are great friends and we all have dinner and movies together every Sunday night.
Bunny12
Bunny Rabbits cute and fuzzy they want to love you but they have razor sharp teeth - don't piss them off!
Bunny Rabbits cute and fuzzy they want to love you but they have razor sharp teeth - don't piss them off!
Quote by Bunny12
An ideal situation would be to have a girl friend that is good friends with your wife and might even help you take care of her. You really have to ease into something like that. My hubby and bf are great friends and we all have dinner and movies together every Sunday night.
sounds like an amazing relationship
Quote by Hrdhotnready4u
Please help me, i love my wife dearly of thirty four years but last ten years she started getting really sick last seven she hasn been able to stand ne kind of touching due to pain from her sickness. I feel like an asshole just for even considering finding a woman on side to be with, this is something i have never done n never tht i would even entertain such n idea. Ive lasted these last seven yrs by staying busy taking care of her needs n constantly reminding myself of our vows but im getting weak i miss the intamacy n closeness please help!!!?????
I appreciate that you have gone 7 years...you had 24 years of good times, obviously... I also highly respect you for remember your vows! You didn't really say if this is terminal or not... What do doctors say regarding her prognosis? Never better, but will live on for another 6 months, 3 years, maybe 10 years, 20, longer. Does she need constant care? Sounds like it. Has she been hospitalized along the way? Would she qualify for medicare in a facility where she would have constant care 24/7 and you could visit her hours every day as you wish, but not have to care for her every need?
You might be experiencing major burn out!
Advanced Wordsmith
Common dude! Survive for few years back? Why the hell thinking of other girl behind while your love is sickly. OMG, dude better watch porn maybe it heals you and do it by yourself without any other woman.
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