My mom has been chronically ill sinc she was seventeen years old, and has multiple health problems. (See my profile for the whole story on my parents any myself) She has also been a nurse for 19 years. My dad has been with her for just over 25 years. Their relationship has changed so much over time, especially as her health continued to decline. I see it every day, how he barely kisses her or touches her. She is so lonely, and I can tell. He has taken care of her for so, so long, during her two times of cervical cancer, and all the other health problems. Hospital stay to hospital stay, surgery to surgery, stupid fucking doctors to other stupid fucking doctors... They have been through a lot. My dad got diagnosed with colon cancer about 5-6 years ago. He didn't need chemotherapy or radiation after he had about... 8 feet of his intestines removed. She took care of him. Just last year, he was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. It was so bad, the doctors guaranteed us that he would not make it out of the 6-8 hour surgery. But he did, and he defied all odds. He had to go through the roughest kind of chemotherapy and radiation. He also had to have a feeding tube. My mom and myself took care of him the entire time. Now, he is sick again, and in the hospital. He is dying as we speak until he is able to have surgery to fix several blockages and obstructions in his intestines.
I am 18 years old, and I have been chronically I'll for 6-7 years with chronic migraines, chronic pancreatitis, chronic mononucleosis, epsteinbar, chronic Lyme disease with multiple co-infections and parasites, sphincter of voty dysfunction, fibromyalgia, and chronic fatigue syndrome. My mom has fibromyalfia, chronic pancreatitis, sphincter of voty dysfunction, and other things.
Their relationship has pretty much come down to, yes, they love each other, and they need each other, but I'm terrified that they only need each other now out of health needs. My question is this: Have you ever been in a relationship with someone that has been sick? Does it change the way you feel about them? Would you rather avoid that kind of relationsip in general?
Any and all advice is welcomed and appreciated. :]
Love, Ash.
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In a relationship with someone with an illness?
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Advanced Wordsmith
What about you hun? How are you doing? That's such a lot of pain and strife to be experiencing at a young age. I hope you have some good support for yourself...and so many young people are busy hating their parents and here you are showing us all how much you love them with your concern. I like you.
There are big and critical health problems in my family too, your post has a lot of things I recognise. My parents used to be like giddy teenagers and now they live separate lives apart from the necessary caretaking of my mother. But I don't think their love has gone, I think it's just slid out of view for both them because so much else is going on. I think it has changed but not gone.
But I guess you are worried about whether your own illness might affect the way people feel about you? Suppose the only answer to that is...if you knew a loving, charming, genuine person who had a lot of medical issues, would you reject their friendship on that basis? I suspect you already know the answer to this one. But there's no denying some people will run from this. Equally there are others who will not. I have a chronic condition myself, one of the worst things about it is it prevents me from going out and being in social situations. I guess we have to work harder to have the same opportunities others enjoy. Isolation is a real danger for us, fight it however you can.
There are big and critical health problems in my family too, your post has a lot of things I recognise. My parents used to be like giddy teenagers and now they live separate lives apart from the necessary caretaking of my mother. But I don't think their love has gone, I think it's just slid out of view for both them because so much else is going on. I think it has changed but not gone.
But I guess you are worried about whether your own illness might affect the way people feel about you? Suppose the only answer to that is...if you knew a loving, charming, genuine person who had a lot of medical issues, would you reject their friendship on that basis? I suspect you already know the answer to this one. But there's no denying some people will run from this. Equally there are others who will not. I have a chronic condition myself, one of the worst things about it is it prevents me from going out and being in social situations. I guess we have to work harder to have the same opportunities others enjoy. Isolation is a real danger for us, fight it however you can.
Stock answer to most forum questions:
Some do, Some don't
Love blindsides us all.
Some do, Some don't
Love blindsides us all.
I'm... I don't even know how I am doing. I have no support group whatsoever. I had to leave public school to homeschool myself because I became so sick. All of the people, even best friends that I knew just forgot about me. Nobody gives a fuck anymore. Please excuse my language.
Yeah, I am only eighteen. I just turned that on February 27th. Most people I know are out rebelling and partying. I'm stuck inside and never leave my house unless I have a doctor appointment, or a test, or I get so bad that I have to go to the ER. Yeah, I am terrified that because I am so sick with this slow death sentence, and I am only getting worse as we speak, that no guy will ever even want to try.. They will always be focusing on me, taking care of me, driving me to doctor appointments. I wil neve have energy, I wouldn't be able to go out on date. I'd be horrible, and nobody would deserve that...
I am so sorry for your health issues and your family's. You all are in my prayers, most sincerely.
Yeah, I am only eighteen. I just turned that on February 27th. Most people I know are out rebelling and partying. I'm stuck inside and never leave my house unless I have a doctor appointment, or a test, or I get so bad that I have to go to the ER. Yeah, I am terrified that because I am so sick with this slow death sentence, and I am only getting worse as we speak, that no guy will ever even want to try.. They will always be focusing on me, taking care of me, driving me to doctor appointments. I wil neve have energy, I wouldn't be able to go out on date. I'd be horrible, and nobody would deserve that...
I am so sorry for your health issues and your family's. You all are in my prayers, most sincerely.
Alpha Blonde
Have you thought about looking into support groups for those with similar chronic illnesses and maybe meeting some people that way. CFS definitely takes a toll on the energy level, and meeting someone similar who is always dealing with the same frustrations might allow for some common bonding and understanding that could be a good foundation for a relationship.
Several guys I have been involved with have had one illness (of varying severity) or another, although nothing really debilitating or incapacitating when I was with them. It does seem more and more common these days though.
I do have a very strong nurturing instinct that kicks in (it's just the way I've always been), and if I feel a strong connection with someone, I'm not the type to turn away or see it as a deal breaker. We are all vulnerable to serious illness in life. I had my own personal experience with it at one point as well, so it definitely humbles you.
Being abandoned by the people we love (that goes for friends as well as love interests) can be worse than the illness itself, but it's important not to shut yourself out and be defeated by it. The way you handle illness and fight back can be done in a positive way. And people like being around other positive people. Our vulnerabilities shouldn't define us. Let them see you , before they see the illness (if that makes sense).
Several guys I have been involved with have had one illness (of varying severity) or another, although nothing really debilitating or incapacitating when I was with them. It does seem more and more common these days though.
I do have a very strong nurturing instinct that kicks in (it's just the way I've always been), and if I feel a strong connection with someone, I'm not the type to turn away or see it as a deal breaker. We are all vulnerable to serious illness in life. I had my own personal experience with it at one point as well, so it definitely humbles you.
Being abandoned by the people we love (that goes for friends as well as love interests) can be worse than the illness itself, but it's important not to shut yourself out and be defeated by it. The way you handle illness and fight back can be done in a positive way. And people like being around other positive people. Our vulnerabilities shouldn't define us. Let them see you , before they see the illness (if that makes sense).
illness is not an hindrance to love and be loved, don't think your parent be together because of their health condition no! the fact they care for each other they still have deeply in love, having an illness at the same time your partner having a hard time to all chemotherapy etc. should be proud because they all hold on to live longer for them to be able to show one another their love.
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by pshawitsashley
I'm... I don't even know how I am doing. I have no support group whatsoever. I had to leave public school to homeschool myself because I became so sick. All of the people, even best friends that I knew just forgot about me. Nobody gives a fuck anymore. Please excuse my language.
Yeah, I am only eighteen. I just turned that on February 27th. Most people I know are out rebelling and partying. I'm stuck inside and never leave my house unless I have a doctor appointment, or a test, or I get so bad that I have to go to the ER. Yeah, I am terrified that because I am so sick with this slow death sentence, and I am only getting worse as we speak, that no guy will ever even want to try.. They will always be focusing on me, taking care of me, driving me to doctor appointments. I wil neve have energy, I wouldn't be able to go out on date. I'd be horrible, and nobody would deserve that...
I am so sorry for your health issues and your family's. You all are in my prayers, most sincerely.
Hi again hun! May I just say, I think your avatar is genius
Dancing_doll has given such good advice. If you can't find a support group in person though, don't forget you have the world of the internet at your fingertips. Other people can give us strength and hope, even if they only come to us behind a screen.
Do you find you have good days and bad days with your illnesses? Sometimes, even though the bad days outweigh the good days, The good days you just have to seize on, and cram as much positivity into them as possible, even if the ability only last a few hours. It is not fair that a lovely girl like you should suffer this way. I too wonder if a guy will ever have the strength to 'put up' with those parts of my life, but I refuse to let my illness define me (well, okay, I admit, on GOOD days I refuse to let my illness define me). But the way I figure it - perhaps I'm being unfair on guys. There has to be someone out there with a similar value system to me, who will not give up either. The world is filled with such a huge variety of people - there just can't NOT be, does that make sense?
Stock answer to most forum questions:
Some do, Some don't
Love blindsides us all.
Some do, Some don't
Love blindsides us all.