How do you bring up your kinks in a relationship?

10 Feb 2011

Here's a question for you all: how do you bring up your kinks with someone once things get serious? Most of us on here are pretty open, adventurous and kinky (isn't that one reason we're here?), but not everyone is. We've had discussions here on rimming, cumming on, bucket lists, strap ons, roll playing, bondage, etc. How do you bring these things up with someone you meet in the non-Lush world, especially with someone who hasn't shown you they're an all out kinkster like you are?

10 Feb 2011

I think testing the limits during sex works well (eg. if you're into rimming, just do it, and see their response). I also think that dirty talk during sex is a great way to share what turns you on. Talking about more elaborate fantasies just after sex when you're both in that uninhibited afterglow works well also. It tends to open the door to other conversations you can have later as just part of connecting.

Not everyone is as kinky as you might be though, so you have to be aware of that. If you're not getting the reaction/response you were expecting, it might be safe to say that they are uncomfortable with it, and might be wise to pull back a little and rethink to what degree your sexual compatibility will allow you to enjoy/explore those things together.

In terms of bucket lists, strap ons, role play and other kinks, there's no other way to compare notes than just asking and talking about it. Good sex requires communication.

You could always break the ice by watching some porn together, but that might even be too kinky for some people. Those are the people you should probably avoid dating. icon_biggrin

10 Feb 2011

Very carefully

10 Feb 2011

I like to do it during sex. Particularly, when I'm riding him. I bounce up and down, look into his eyes and whisper, "You know what would really turn me on..."

11 Feb 2011

Sometimes I just leave some of my writing lying around. I *know* they will read it, and if it interests them they will ask. Otherwise, a whispered fantasy in his ear works wonders.

Follow my blog! Latest post: Shake Your Bootie

11 Feb 2011

Talk, talk and more talk!! I always like to get to know what my partner likes and doesnt like. I am not afraid to bring it up. If it offends them or really embarasses them then the relationship is probably not gonna work anyhow. As SweetPenny said, maybe during sex, say what would really turn you in so you can see the reaction you get before going furthr and actually asking for that. Talking after sex is a good way too. Maybe something like " that was incredible!! But you know what would be wild to try next time,......................"

But the key is communication. Life is too short to settle for unfulfilling sex. Get to know each other, likes and dislikes. You may find the person you think is not kinky, is more kinky than you think, just needs the push to bring it out!!

11 Feb 2011

Quote by SweetPenny
I like to do it during sex. Particularly, when I'm riding him. I bounce up and down, look into his eyes and whisper, "You know what would really turn me on..."

I'm waiting for you to complete the sentence! lol

When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates

16 Feb 2011

Quote by Dancing_Doll
... Those are the people you should probably avoid dating.

But seriously, if I'm looking for a ltr and I'm full of lustful desires and kinks, it all comes down to sexual compatibility. While not overloading the potential partner with a fire-hose list of dirty/kinky/raunchy things that interest me, open communication of what you like/dislike/fantasize about should ALL be normal open conversation items. If you're suppressing these things IN a relationship out of fear of rejection one of two things is likely to happen: 1) You'll end up in an unsatisfying relationship and could end up resenting your partner (maybe wrongly) for denial of your sexual wants/needs, or 2) You're missing out on living all those wonderful things with your partner (who only wants to please you but doesn't KNOW your desires).

Generally, in times of intimacy(snuggling/cuddling) or during foreplay, are great opportunities to both talk about what you like/dislike...what you would *REALLY* like...or as other have suggested, just try a few things and see what kind of response you get. Another good time is immediately after a sexual episode, where you say how good/great it was, but what if we had tried this....

"I can resist everything except temptation." - Oscar Wilde

17 Feb 2011

After years of strained realtionships, heartache, self-loathing and awkward dating I decided that I would let it all hang out and be brutally honest about all My kinks and exactly what I was looking for and interested in. I only dated two women after I made that decision. I've been with the second one, the lady vyle, for nearly ten years, and we've been married for five so it must have worked. It cut through a lot of worry, bs and dealing with a relationship I knew was going to fail as long as I held back. And believe Me some of My kinks are truly heavy duty.

-Master Vyle

21 Feb 2011

Quote by SweetPenny
I like to do it during sex. Particularly, when I'm riding him. I bounce up and down, look into his eyes and whisper, "You know what would really turn me on..."

Spot on. That is the perfect time. I would do anything for her at that point. Now, as lafayettemister said, complete the sentence, please.

22 Feb 2011

Quote by SweetPenny
I like to do it during sex. Particularly, when I'm riding him. I bounce up and down, look into his eyes and whisper, "You know what would really turn me on..."

My answer exactly hun! I think you've gotta do it when the other person is really aroused, I also like to do it when I'm on my knees pulling his cock, he loves it, shares his fantasies etc and we act them out together - perfect.

23 Feb 2011

Scratches head....How can you NOT talk about your kinks? I have learned that full disclosure is the only real possibility for me. The whole Magillah -- with lovers, with those with whom I intend to share intimacy. And, I expect the same in return.