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"Hall Pass" - Could it work
Gingerbread Lover
Quote by TreeSuh
Do you think You could let your partner have a "hall pass" And have your relationship/marriage Work?
Do you mean the permission to go and have sex with somebody else? Like an open marriage?
If so, and both parties are happy for that to happen, I can't see why not, depending on the people. But communication will be vital, as resentments, jealousy and frustration could become very big issues, very quickly.
I couldn't, but I know others who can and do.
Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.
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Active Ink Slinger
Not in my marriage. Maybe if I became physically incapable of pleasing her, but not until.
My latest story is too hot to publish. My most recent story before that is Even Stranger In Lust
Empress of the Moon
It takes a really close and trusting relationship to make it work. If you're in a relationship which is strong there's a better chance that it would work. A shaky relationship would just get weaker. If you're just offering a hall pass because you want one yourself, the odds are your relationship is already in trouble.
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Quote by CoopsRuthie
It takes a really close and trusting relationship to make it work. If you're in a relationship which is strong there's a better chance that it would work. A shaky relationship would just get weaker. If you're just offering a hall pass because you want one yourself, the odds are your relationship is already in trouble.
Agreed. If you're doing it as a way to try and save your relationship then you might as well end it straight away or try to find a way that actually will save it. It could easily end up with resentment if one gets a lot of offers and the other gets none despite trying. That will lead to one being out shagging all night while the other sits at home and gets off while doing some crappy cyber. Not an ideal situation.
If both of you really want to fuck other people I suggest swinger's clubs. Then you go together and leave together.
Primus Omnium
Not a chance in hell with my spouse.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Ruthie
It takes a really close and trusting relationship to make it work. If you're in a relationship which is strong there's a better chance that it would work. A shaky relationship would just get weaker. If you're just offering a hall pass because you want one yourself, the odds are your relationship is already in trouble.
I'm going to have to agree with Ruthie on this one. Again, it's a slippery slope and often times, couples who are entertaining this idea are only thinking in the moment and with their cock/pussy rather than how it may play out long term. Not many people can do this and survive it let alone come out it with a stronger, happier relationship.
Active Ink Slinger
I can't get the wife to even consider it, except simple admiration for good looking guys. I will take one on occasion, however. It's just sex to me.
I have been offered a 'hall pass' by my wife and she often encourages me to go for it when she has her blood. Even says that she'll drop me off in the local red light district, but I have passed on it by saying that I will only have sex with another woman IF she is there with us. Also feel that there may have some secret agenda and could throw it back in my face at a future date. It's quite normal here in Thailand for the man to have 'mia nois' [little wives] and the big wife usually turns a blind eye to it as long as she and the kids are taken care of.
See, "hall pass" to me denotes kind of a one-off thing, not a clearly thought-out, negotiated open relationship. These two things are not, to my eye, the same. Would I give, or even offer, one? Probably not (and she wouldn't take it, I suspect). Would I accept one? I'd want to know why she was offering it first because it would be out of character for her.
Alpha Blonde
I know a few couples that have done the 'hall pass' thing. All of them are broken up at this point. I'm not saying it can't be done, but you have to almost have the mindset from the beginning. If one person is talking the other into it, pushing the agenda or doing it to 'save' a boring/dying relationship, then the relationship is doomed to fail in the long-term.
It adds a lot of complications, so you have to have a strong base to your relationship and be confident in your attitude and outlook on the failures of monogamy. I think doing the swinger thing or threesome/group sex thing is more palatable to most couples. The 'hall pass' idea is very hands-off, so more trust is required.
It's an easy thing to default to if you're no longer sexually interested in your spouse, but still want to stay in the marriage. That's more of a passive version of a 'hall pass' though. You're not emotionally invested in the same way.
It adds a lot of complications, so you have to have a strong base to your relationship and be confident in your attitude and outlook on the failures of monogamy. I think doing the swinger thing or threesome/group sex thing is more palatable to most couples. The 'hall pass' idea is very hands-off, so more trust is required.
It's an easy thing to default to if you're no longer sexually interested in your spouse, but still want to stay in the marriage. That's more of a passive version of a 'hall pass' though. You're not emotionally invested in the same way.
Active Ink Slinger
I couldn't give my wife one nor would I want one. We have been a couple since Feb 19 1988, when we were 16! All my friends that tried this are divorced. Too much of a good thing going on over here to do something stupid.
Possible for some I suppose, the major problem being that some people have a difficult time separating love and sex and others cannot do that at all. That in turn leads to entirely too many potential "complications" where a "hall pass" is concerned. IF both parties CAN and DO make the distinction both in their hearts as well as their minds it could be "do able".
Quote by Ruthie
It takes a really close and trusting relationship to make it work. If you're in a relationship which is strong there's a better chance that it would work. A shaky relationship would just get weaker. If you're just offering a hall pass because you want one yourself, the odds are your relationship is already in trouble.
This definitely. M'Lady and I have 'outside interests' that were negotiated over time. Most of our time is spent together, but occasionally we dally outside our relationship. Only with close friends, however, that we both know and like.
It definitely takes a trust between you and LOTS of communication. So far, for the past eight years we've done this, no issues have erupted, but the fact that both our other encounters are with mutual friends has made it easy for us.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Dancing_Doll
I know a few couples that have done the 'hall pass' thing. All of them are broken up at this point. I'm not saying it can't be done, but you have to almost have the mindset from the beginning. If one person is talking the other into it, pushing the agenda or doing it to 'save' a boring/dying relationship, then the relationship is doomed to fail in the long-term.
It adds a lot of complications, so you have to have a strong base to your relationship and be confident in your attitude and outlook on the failures of monogamy. I think doing the swinger thing or threesome/group sex thing is more palatable to most couples. The 'hall pass' idea is very hands-off, so more trust is required.
It's an easy thing to default to if you're no longer sexually interested in your spouse, but still want to stay in the marriage. That's more of a passive version of a 'hall pass' though. You're not emotionally invested in the same way.
I think this is spot on.
If you've always had an open relationship it's simply a continuation, I doubt that you'd even need to be given one.
I've seen in other posts that one partner has gone off sex but they still "love each other", whether a hall pass would work in that case, I'm dubious. I think that as soon as an attachment is made it will sound the death knell to the marriage.
Active Ink Slinger
For me personally, I would NOT be able to provide my partner with that pass nor would I want him to give me one. I'm with TheSexyNun, when I'm with someone, I'm with him and only him and I'm in it with both feet. If I wanted to fuck around just for the sake of sex, I'd stay single. Not sure why people enter into relationships or marriage if they still want to play the field.