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Dilemma

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Dear lushees,
I've been dating a girl I met in Uni for a short period of time now. And she is só damn sweet and she loves me so damn much.
I really like her, but I guess I'm not in love with her. Now that things got serious, I am doubting this.
How can I split up with her, without hurting her too bad?
lafayettemister
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Quote by Scribe
Dear lushees,
I've been dating a girl I met in Uni for a short period of time now. And she is só damn sweet and she loves me so damn much.
I really like her, but I guess I'm not in love with her. Now that things got serious, I am doubting this.
How can I split up with her, without hurting her too bad?


By biting the bullet and doing it now. The longer you wait the harder it will be and the more it will hurt.



When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Dancing_Doll
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Well, here's the thing. Break ups are going to happen. It's just part of the world of dating. She knows this too (unless maybe you are her first). She's probably going to be hurt but if you've only been dating her for a short period of time then you don't need to stress much about breaking up with her. Do it in a public place (coffee shop, park, on a walk, or in your car). Just tell her that you're not ready to commit or be in a serious relationship right now and you realize that this is what she wants, and you don't want to be unfair to her. You're just at different places in life right now. Tell her you think she's a great girl but you don't want to end up being 'that guy' that commits but then can't give her what she wants and ends up being the jerk boyfriend. Tell her you hope you can be friends but you think it's best you go your separate ways right now. Then 48 hours later, call her to 'check in' just to make sure she's ok (or you can send a text or email). This gives her a chance to ask any questions that she might need for 'closure' and also makes you look like a stand-up guy.

What to Avoid:

1. Progression to a period of time where you act like a total dick in the hopes that she will recognize on her own that you are a jerk and obviously not the guy for her, thinking that it will force her to break up with you you first, or that she won't be as upset when you finally end things. Treat her with respect during the break-up and be a classy guy.

2. Don't suddenly disappear without any word for two weeks to "think things over" even though you know you want to end things. The distancing and cold shoulder that you mean as a way to clue her in that times are a changing just end up making her stress about 'what you are thinking' unnecessarily. It's like mental torture if the inevitable is obvious. Nobody likes waiting in limbo.

3. Don't give her false hope that you 'just need a break' and things might change and you still care a lot about her and who knows... maybe you two will be together again one day soon. This leads her to believe that you secretly really do love her and that you're just 'screwed up' right now or 'afraid of love' or blah blah blah. If she's not the girl for you, don't waste anymore time playing with her head.

4. Don't do it over the phone or email. It's tacky.

Good luck!
dan17
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breaking ones heart for what ever nice words you give in still get hurt because at the end she feel you don't love her
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Best time to do it would be NOW! Only cause you would be leading her on to more and more. And it will crush her even harder if you lead her on more.. I agree with the other lushes. DON'T do it over the phone, nor over the net!! Or texting 0.0!!! Face to face is the best way too go if you still wanna keep the friendship. Sweet girls tend to fall hard and when they get broken they go crazy! So please be careful! xoxox - Bella.
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The thing is, we both have a super important exam coming up this week. And I don't want her to ruin this test because of me.
Should I wait?
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She called me, 'cause I didn't send her a message since 3PM, it now is near 00:30 over here.
Telling me she was dissapointed and a little mad, for not sending her messages all day. I'm just not like that!
I want to tell her so bad, but I can't ruin her test.
razial
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in this last one imma take a wild geuss here but if u stopped talking for just a day and she already upset bout that im curious do you two talk like everyday???
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Quote by razial
in this last one imma take a wild geuss here but if u stopped talking for just a day and she already upset bout that im curious do you two talk like everyday???


We follow the same classes, so we saw each other all the time this year but now I want some time for myself and my other friends.
But I'm ending it.
etairay
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hey what a situation ..and like the above great ppl ..il hv to agree ..no time is a good time ..the end result will be the same. BUT taking the test into account ..yes they are important so wait it out. You dont want to be the cause of why sh isnt foucs on her test ..jst real bad timing my friend. BUT after the test ..do it soon and one on one face to face. I guess in the end ..u need to do whats best for you and her ..and no mucking around ..playin her along. Ok ive blah blah on long enough lol silly billy ..nothing but mad love my friend. Dinosaur huggles to the maxmmwah

'..May the Lord watch between you and me when we are absent from one another..' Gen31:49 😇

thesilkyknot
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Quote by Scribe
Dear lushees,
I've been dating a girl I met in Uni for a short period of time now. And she is só damn sweet and she loves me so damn much.
I really like her, but I guess I'm not in love with her. Now that things got serious, I am doubting this.
How can I split up with her, without hurting her too bad?


A few things I would say

1.It is IMPOSSIBLE to not hurt.... accept it.. first and foremost. Its like wanting to eat chili without feeling a thing on your tongue.

2. the sooner the better ....time only increases the difficulties. You either love a person or you dont. There is nothing in between. Got to tell her..NOW..

3.Best way to split is.. "I need time..if its there i will be back..if not..you know what happened".... You have to give time to her as well as buy time for yourself.

4. Goodbye's are never pleasant. But you need to cut off the part that is going to set off a gangrene which might eventually eat up your whole self and put the other person in a worse state than she would be if you took the steps timely..that is now.
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I really like the responses from silky and dancing doll......stand up, be honest, respectful and compassionate but don't wimp out and do it in some washed out unclear, give her false hope kind of way....having being dumped on numerous occassions (I know you are all stunned...) I always prefer honest The last one dumped me with a phone call after nearly 4 years...I'm still so stunned at how she did it I never did get to why....