Hi, has anyone had to deal with their partner grieving over loss of a parent? My partner lost her mother a few months ago and since then what was previously a good active adventurious sex life has come to a grinding halt due to her grieving.
Any advice would be welcome.
best advice i can give is be patient. don't try to her them how to feel, to get over it, or push them in any way. when she's done, things will return to normal. for now, accept that this is the way it is and tell her that you understand and it's ok. a few months is a very short time for a loss that's so difficult to endure. give her the space to grieve without feeling guilty about it.
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
for the record, lamenting about not having sex for a couple of months after your partner's mom dies isn't going to earn you a lot of sympathy. just thought i'd point that out.
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
have you lost a parent?
it is gut wrenching sorrowful pain
having held my mom as she died from the ravages of cancer
I cannot even tell you the sorrow I still feel
she needs a partner who will let her cry and rage
let her be
to me you even mentioning sex is such a bozo thing to say
I cannot even believe it
yes I am harsh very harsh
but unless you have gone through it you don't know what it is like
and everyone is different
so put yourself in second place
get her therapy if she needs it
I planted an apricot tree and right now the month of my mom's death it is blooming
so every time I sit at my table at this incredibly hard time of the year
I see that beautiful tree
talk to her
hug her
love her
it does get better...
I also adopted an adult cat that was about to be put to sleep
she has been a great solace to me
I know you don't mean to be this way about sex
but give that time
grief is hard
praying she is ok
Whatever u do, do not betray. These r the times when we get through that strengthen a rlshp and make sex better. No magic pill..everybody grieves in their own time/way. Maybe do something special...take trip...weekend get away.
give him some time be patient with him and if the scenario does not changes talk with him and try to solve the problem
give your partner time and love. My dad passed 2 years ago. I helped him and watched him die in matter of 2 weeks. It was fast and hard. some days are good and some days are not. but if you love your partner you will be there for the good and bad with patience and love. dont push him/her it will get better with time
my newest :)
This thread takes me back 20 years to when I lost my best friend...my Dad. I was with him and held his hand and told him it was "OK to go be with Mom" as he passed into eternity. I would have appreciated a nice cuddle from my wife as a sign of love, etc. that evening but all I got was a quick hug in the hospital room after she got there.
My point is this...In a manner that is NOT "sexy"...you can cuddle in an intimate manner with her and reassure her of your love and devotion as a person Do this OFTEN. Do NOT mention the deceased unless she brings it up or you feel extremely comfortable doing so. This eliminates the pressures on her to perform, etc. Grief is a tough opponent sometimes and has to be dealt with very carefully to avoid adding lasting hurt.
I wish you well and know that you are in a lot of people's good thoughts and prayers.
I won't bust on you for being bummed your grieving partner doesn't want sex, because what I like about Lush is you can be honest and say pretty much whatever you want. But grieving is a crushing thing, so please give her time and space and her desire will return. It's so non-linear: you are fine for a few weeks and then suddenly you are over your head in it again. I actually remember arrogantly thinking "This grieving thing isn't so hard," and a few hours later I was crying like a baby. She needs time. Sex is healing, she will return.
My thoughts are with you both.
The key word here is patience. Your patience in such a situation will also reflect the depth of your love. All to often men are selfish and instead of understanding what the one they supposedly love is going through they get impatient and whine like a fuckin selfish baby. The depth of your love will determines how hard you will fight to keep your lover happy. When you reach the "throw in the towel" point that indicates the depth to which you loved. So wake the fuck up and communicate and be patient. Love is not an all or nothing situation. Well true love isnt anyway. Sometimes it is all but sometimes you just have to be happy with what you have and be patient during the recovery process.
I have a great female friend who unfortunately faced a lot of loss with two husbands (of hers- widow ... remarried... widow AGAIN) and a brother dying all while she was young... twenties or so, and this scarred her s much that she really never wanted to marry or allow herself to love someone so deeply. She is a loving person though... and yet she became highly independant. She very purposefully pushed through life shouldering all the finances and responsibilities as a single parent, and being alone for the most part, even thoug she was fun and attractive and great to be around. Even if she dated a little here or there, she paid her way and did not allow gifts. She set very firm boundaries. She had her walls. She did not waiver.
Finallly she met someone and cautiously began a dating and dating longer than she had. It was a skiddish time of trial and error and a determination to try but not allow too far. I knew she needed love but she was so strong and adament. We would talk and I saw through the facade. Finally, after a few years and more spending the night at each other's house together... older/grown child... she became willing to entertain the idea of marriage after those years together. He had a loss of a parent and she supported him through that depression and hurt, knowing what that pain is like~ she offered her strength and understanding and nursed him back to himself as she was patient, giving, and kind.
When she experienced something and needed support.... guess who did not have a clue how to act and was infact cold and rude? That ended that relationship. She has not looked back. She came very close to giving in and giving of her whole self until that happened... so I think it is important to know how much someone may be hurt or resentful of you cannot be there for them and be helpful and kind in those times.
The man came to deeply regret his mistake and actions. . . (but too late).
I have gone through a lot of loss and I know people are tested during such times~ both the one grieving and the ones around them. I think it is very important to think about how you would wish to be treated and then to consider their feelings. It is not a time to be selfish or inconsiderate. True colours often surface about those that are around a person in pain or grief... and such an inadequancy can be glaring as well as result in something else, even if a mistake, that could not be gotten over so easily when adding injury to someone already in pain. Sex may be the last thing on their mind -when trying to sort through so many feelings. For others it could be a tool to escape those feelings. Either way~ try to understand, as this is not about you and happens. How it affects you is up to you.
You have needs and feelings and so does she (or whoever in these situations) but be there for the one grieving. One day, they may return the favor.
I have seen the kind of love and kindness in my times of grief that truly touched my heart and amazed, and were like saving grace~ those times are VERY special and I have seen and felt first hand those who have closed my heart.
My husband and I both lost our first spouses and loves to cancer. We grieve together, we celebrate life together. It is important to allow your partner to grieve. Help them talk about the person they lost, how they feel, talk about memories. Don't be telling them to "get over it" or using any other dumb sayings. Be patient, loving, caring and supporting. The more you get your partner to talk about it, the sooner the grief will go. Be respectful and patient. If it carries on too long, get some professional help - advice - counseling. There are lots of ways to deal with grief and things you can do to help.
