So I was talking to this girl online and we were going to go see a movie together but then she sends me a picture of her self and not to be mean but she ugly and i don't want to be that guy that won't see her because of her looks but I can't hardly talk to her any more. Am I an ass hole for thinking like this, how can I get out of this with any self respect?
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
Don't sweat it too much.
Like Dancing_Doll said, you can do the casual thing and go on the date and then emphasize that you're friends (assuming you still wanna be her friend), or you can do the easy thing and let it just fade out on its own.
Attraction is important. And if you find her looks truly disturbing to the point where you can't look past the parts of her you've gotten to know, then you should just move on before it gets too serious. No need to feel guilty. Is it shallow? Of course...but most of us have been there. People are repulsed by ugly people every day. Such is life.
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My question to you is this....did you hit it off with her before you knew what she looked like? If you did and you dump her because of her looks you may be missing out on something amazing! Attraction should not just be based on looks but on the whole of the person....many times a person that may not be attractive to you at first can become gorgeous to you because of their personality and if you judge her based just on her looks then you may be missing out on the best thing that could have ever happened to you! I am a big girl and have many men turn me down because I am not what they consider pretty but I know how to treat a man like a king and when I love someone I give instead of take.....many thin pretty women can not say that! I am widowed and my husband was sick and could not work for 6 years...I stayed by his side and took care of him and supported him and was even by his side on the day he died! The men that passed me up because I wasn't what they considered to be pretty missed out on a very loving, loyal and giving person!! Oh well that is their lose! Don't make the same mistake that some of those men made with me! I know of men that have married movie star gorgeous women and they are miserable!!! The character of the person is much more important then what they look like!
can i just say one thing? i always come across these threads vilifying pretty thin girls. really, it's the same thing, judging based on looks. there are plenty of loyal, smart, caring, etc etc thin girls around who are probably tired of being scape goats.
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
For god's sakes make any excuse you need to so you can cancel the date and she can spend her evening doing something nicer than being with someone shallow like you.
Maybe she thought the same of you. Attraction has many levels, and while you aren't into her looks, you obviously liked her enough to ask her out. You're not marrying her, it's just a movie. You can't get out of this with self respect unless you treat her with respect. She may not be your ideal woman, but you can still be kind and find a way to bow out gracefully. It's not a crime not to be attracted to someone's looks, but if she's smart she will notice that you are probably avoiding her.
What do you mean by ugly? What if she comes to know about what you said here? Ugliness is not based on looks, but on hearts! And you're going on a date? What's the use of it if you have judged already based on her looks? You aren't curious about other people, are you? Just try not to go on a date with her, you'd make her worry! Just do it as a favour please ...
Do HER the favor and tell her your a shallow worthless bastard and give her the chance to meet somebody descent. What was your attraction to her before you saw her that she had tits and a puss?? Figured hey meet her online go to a movie get laid and disappear. And im guessing your a fucking 12 on the 1-10 scale to all girls you've met.
Regardless of what people say, looks do matter. And they effect how much you're attracted to a person and you can't help how you feel. But you've offered yourself to her as a friend, and if your friendship was only predicated on how she can satisfy you. then I'd suggest you re-evaluate your ideas of what constitutes friendship.
"Am I an ass hole for thinking like this, how can I get out of this with any self respect?"
hmmm... that's actually two questions.
answer to question #1:
depends. but maybe.
answer to question #2:
dude, it's not like your date was to meet up in a hotel room and boink each others brains it. it was to go see a movie together and, presumably, talk to one another.
if you're looking to back out of that just because you feel she is not attractive enough to be seen with -- and then compound it by going online and telling everybody this hoping for validation -- then my guess is that you'll be fine. whatever your personal self-respect is based on, if it's gotten you this far i don't see it being damaged by being a no show to someone you led to believe you liked.
now, as to whether or not you're going to get out of it with the respect of others, well...
and actually, semaj5, i'm gong to add one last thing... because as i'm scooting around here in the forums, it's hitting me that you're the same guy posting complaints and looking for advice because sometimes girls put you in the "friend zone."
it also looks like you're a young dude, so i'm going to assume that you are looking for a way to do the right thing and sincerely not wanting to be an asshole, and give you advice that (i believe) will serve you well going forward:
i put it to you that your question here and your question about being in the friend zone are related. i may be wrong, but it looks like at this point in your life you are classifying women by categorizing them as "bone-able" or "icky/non-bone-able." if so, you would be well advised (and happier in the long run) to change your gal-sorting criteria.
try something like this:
** women who seem to have mutual chemistry and/or a connection with me.
** women who i really like as people, and enjoy spending some amount of time with.
** women who i neither have chemistry/connection, nor enjoy as people enough to want to spend time with.
if you try to sort this way, you'll save yourself a lot of headaches -- plus, you'll answer the questions you yourself brought to the lush community:
** you won't have to deprive yourself of the company and good friendship of someone you hit it off with online, just because you don't feel chemistry. you can go to the movies and maybe even have a grand time, or -- this is online meting after all -- go to the movies, decide that she's not someone you enjoy spending time with (for reasons that have nothing to do with whether or not you plan to bang her) and move on.
** you can treat women who "put you in the friend zone" -- or, as it's more commonly known, "like you but don't happen to feel the chemistry connection they are looking for in a lover" -- as people with agency and personal tastes/attractions, and decide from there how to proceed. again, not by the criteria of "do i get to bang her?," but rather, "do i enjoy her company enough to hang around and enjoy her as a fellow human being?" regardless of which way you answer, you're next steps will be obvious.
yes