i am a 41yo guy married to a 37yo woman...we been married for 15 years. we have a great relationship but our sexlife has always been limited to when she is in the mood. we have fallen into the routine trap and will make love only 3 or 4 times a month and 2 or 3 of those times are basically just after she finished her monthlies. she will ask for it or innitiate so we can be active. the rest of the month she will come up with all types of excuses to avoid it.
lately i have been getting soft halfway through sex...and she would go ballistic and perform which would all but make it impossible to get in the mood again. i accept that im getting older and that sex is becoming rather stale in our bedroom. i personally love foreplay, taking my time, enjoying the act of slowly pushing and edging her towards her orgasm . i simply love knowing i can make my wife have a mindblowing orgasm.
am i being too sensitive when she is complaining about my lack of permanently hard cock and nonstop stamina. i know she loves us getting into her fave position and me just sawing in and out of her pussy non-stop until she explodes. i know that works for her but is it unfair on her to expect me to perform the same as 3 and 4 years ago when i was at my horniest and fittest?
i am starting to feel she is ungrateful and inconsiderate.
i love my wife and wont leave or cheat because of this but i find myself more and more witdrawing from the bed, checking out more porn online, and chatting with friendly people on lush.
Frisky,
You are facing the same dilemma that many couples do at this point of your relationship.
It is a situation that bothers me since the common thing I find lacking is communication!
If you two do not talk about the situation, you never can make anything right for the two of you!
You may have some physical changes that you are going through that affects your sexual stamina but it is never too late to look into couples intimacy therapy!
At the very least, you two should communicate with eachother your desires as well as thoughts and ideas about your sexual relationship at this point of your life together!
On a different note, maybe you two need to explore an ABS and pick up a few toys to spice up things!
At the very least, I would suggest you two look for some cock rings to help you stay hard longer and let the two of you enjoy the ride when she's in the mood!
Kisses!
Steph
First, for the erection issue, seriously, get acupuncture [no the needles don't go in the penis, rather left and right of the belly button and no, it does NOT hurt]. Second, do something to change the situation, talk, go to a marriage counselor, go to a Lifestyle Resort, do SOMETHING! Otherwise, one day it will hit you, that you wasted the good years of your life, and there is no getting them back. On further thought, it also occurs to me that the relationship is not a partnership. She demands satisfaction when and where she wants; yet your needs are of no consequence. Most likely the situational dynamics will have to change, which means you will have to know what you want and be insistant on those changes.
I really don't think it's a physical thing at your ages...
I think you're both just bored. Fifteen years and preplanned, uninspired, monotonous sex - yep, sometimes it's going to be challenging to stay hard or get wet.
If the sexual routine is mostly like a brush your teeth, lights out, and "ok, now fuck me!" type demand, I can see how there would be some lack of excitement. Women can get by with using lube and faking an orgasm if they're just going through the motions, but guys need *something* to keep them excited.
You both need to look into putting more effort into your sex lives... as someone else mentioned - go on a sex-charged vacation, watch porn together, read sex-stories together, write sex-fantasies for each other, try some roleplay, buy some sex-toys to use on her, or encourage her to wear some kinky/sexy outfits so that she isn't just coming to bed after washing her face, with her hair skinned back, wearing cotton PJs and expecting you to want to just jump her bones.
thanx a million guys and gals.... i was a bit hesitant laying out my prsonal problems on here for all to see....but i am thankful for all the serious positive feedback.... i think all the advice given is basically spoton. and i think we do seriously need to start with the basics again...connecting and talking !!!!.....
ooooh and the advice about the cockring..yummy....it gives me a very intense orgasm..tried one for the first time yesterday and although she did complain about me wearing it...she loved the fact she could ride me all the way to her climax....thanx guys....
i also feel better knowing that there is lots of people going thru the same at this stage of marriage..... and that we r not alone
lots of love, licks , and kisses all round
muah!!!
Frisky,
Just checking back on this thread.
Glad to hear things were positive from my original reply!
Also glad to hear the cockring experience went well!
Hope more progress has been made and things are gradually improving!
Kisses!
Steph
P.S. Love the Avatar!
One of the principles I believe in for long term relationships is maintaining that early-on seductiveness. Sadly, the love-making or fucking can fall too easily into that routine affair. You need to keep the fire there of want, desire, hunger that you felt at first. Just because you're a longtime couple doesn't mean you can't return to that first date status when you were both so anxious to tear off the clothes and get down to the basics. Talk the talk and walk that walk. Even after decades together, a woman or man still loves to hear "I've never wanted you more than right now". Leave your lover/wife/SO/partner naughty little notes where they will be surprised to find them. Throw off the slow built-up sometimes and just take them while they're doing the dishes, puttering around, making the bed, etc. Bring home some wine or champagne and make the night a special event.
