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Am I just room mate?

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Leiza350
Active Ink Slinger
I feel like I'm going crazy. I've been married to my husband for 4 years. For the last year I've felt like we're roommates, not husband and wife. It has been sooo long since we've had sex, I'm even too embarassed to say how long. My husband has no sex drive anymore, and has actually said this to me.! What guy doesn't want to have sex? I'm racking my brain wondering "Is he not attracted to me anymore? Did I do something wrong? I even wondered if he was having an affair!"

Our days consist of him getting up before me and leaving for work. He works for days, comes home... is always on the phone re: work. We have dinner together, he goes downstairs... on the computer or watches t.v., while I stay upstairs and watch t.v. I go to bed before him. Then we start over the next day. For four days in a row, he slept on the couch downstairs! He claims he just falls asleep while watching tv, but I feel like we've become one of those couples that sleeps in separate rooms.This makes me so sad.

I've tried to talk about all of this with him a number of times, but he's not one to talk about feelings (especially re: sex) and we always end up arguing and not talking to each other. I love my husband very much, and I know he loves me...but something has to change! I don't know what to do. Any advice?
SydneySider
Candy Connoisseur
I have moved this to here. Hopefully it will be better served in the right place.
crazydiamond
Clever Gem
Quote by SydneySider
I have moved this to here. Hopefully it will be better served in the right place.
LOVES4PLAY
Active Ink Slinger
Leiza; are we to understand that he works 4 on & 3 off. How long of hours does he work? During his 4 working days where dopes he stay, (sleep) home /town/on site?,

They(work) are always calling him. This gives me the impression that even at home, he is still at work.

How many employees are under his responsibility?What budget is he working with?

Sorry , But upon first reading this STRESS is the First thing to enter my mind..
Leiza350
Active Ink Slinger
He is gone 20 days a month .....some times up to a week .Ill tell you more when he goes back out of town in a few days ....thanks .
Dani
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
Well you assume he's having an affair, but judging from your previous posts, you have no qualms cheating as well and have even expressed that fidelity is a pointless and impossible endeavor. But if you're generally concerned in saving your marriage, the best thing to do would be to TALK to him. Unless you catch him in the act, your husband is the only one who can tell you whether or not he's cheating...or if he's still interested.

░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░
Guest
Lurker
Quote by Leiza350


I feel like I'm going crazy. I've been married to my husband for 4 years. For the last year I've felt like we're roommates, not husband and wife. It has been sooo long since we've had sex, I'm even too embarassed to say how long. My husband has no sex drive anymore, and has actually said this to me.! What guy doesn't want to have sex? I'm racking my brain wondering "Is he not attracted to me anymore? Did I do something wrong? I even wondered if he was having an affair!"

Our days consist of him getting up before me and leaving for work. He works for days, comes home... is always on the phone re: work. We have dinner together, he goes downstairs... on the computer or watches t.v., while I stay upstairs and watch t.v. I go to bed before him. Then we start over the next day. For four days in a row, he slept on the couch downstairs! He claims he just falls asleep while watching tv, but I feel like we've become one of those couples that sleeps in separate rooms.This makes me so sad.

I've tried to talk about all of this with him a number of times, but he's not one to talk about feelings (especially re: sex) and we always end up arguing and not talking to each other. I love my husband very much, and I know he loves me...but something has to change! I don't know what to do. Any advice?



You live at Meyers - your military . . . My main thought is not cheating and the like - it's health issues, psychological problems and the like (depression, etc)

Because everything you said - sounds just like how my husband and I were before he was diagnosed with a medical condition and placed on proper medication. . . and also how he was post deployment.

Focus on the health / stress factors and the like before you jump to other conclusions. . .talk to people in your local healthcare niche about possible issues and how to approach your husband about it.
paul_moadib
Active Ink Slinger
Can you get away with him for a break?

Get his mind away from the routine. Go somewhere, where there is nothing to do, except have sex! I find that when I'm bored, my mind will wander in that direction.

If this is bringing you down, you should try and tackle it head on. Don't take no for an answer and get him to tell you what's bothering him.

List things out, so that he will be forced to answer Yes or No to them. You can normally tell by the look in a person's eye and how they respond in these situations.

Hope things improve for the both of you.
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