Very expressive and definitely puts a picture in my head...
Ling
I agree with Nicola, in that it is slightly repetitive. When I write a poem I make sure that the descriptive words are all completely genuine and different. By genuine I mean that they are used correctly and in conjunction with what I'm trying to say with the poem. Also you will hardly ever find two rhyming words that are the same in my poems.
For example if I say
I love you a lot you know it's true
I knew it when your favourite colour was blue.
You will never find true and blue, rhyming again. and rarely (unless it's a longer poem) will you find another oo sound.
I avoid being super blunt with my poetry.
I've written sex poems before, (which I promptly threw out because they were no good) but I avoided saying penis or vagina or cum or anything like that because it's too blunt.
When a reader is captivated by something it's usually because they are using their imagination to it's fullest potential
If I were to say:
I came inside you and felt it in my penis
I can imagine that sure, but it's very black and white.
But if I were to say
Engulfed in desire lightening shot through my body
You get the imagine of a man being over come with passionate lust for the other person. The lightening imagery works both as a metaphor for cumming and for the feeling that it procures.
I really hope this helped and I can't wait to see the stuff you come up with next.
Even when you're blindfolded, Hindsite is 20/20
Thanks everyone who all posted messages about where to write and how you all get creative. I will have a good mull over all your thoughts
HB xxx
I disagree with Halo about not being able to teach poetry-writing. Like any art, it requires both natural ability and training - which can easily come from outside coaching. If you only teach yourself, you will always make the same mistakes over again, and never improve. You already know what you know, you need to learn what someone else knows, and add that to your repertoire as well. Never getting outside teaching simply leads to the reinforcement of whatever you were doing wrong, as you get more practiced in making those mistakes.
If you are really interested in becoming a better poet, join a writer's group, or even better, take some classes at your local university.
Gosh Halo, you got it wrong! it should be the interesting person instead of mister barbie-doll!!!
I mean I can't imagine anything fun with that first person, while the other one most likely got hidden funz.
I do believe that writing classes can be very dangerous for a persons personal style. Though if the person is strong enough to do it and wants to learn new ways to approach writing, go for it.
I say someone, anyone, should just write their poem and do the best they can and be proud of it.
Dear, if you would ever tell me something I've done was crap, nomatter when I wrote it, I would probably stop writing.
If someone called toohornytogetupinthemorningboy, tells me it's crap I don't give a damn, unless I've talked with the poor thing and he turns out to be a nice person.
I like creative critisism, but the critisism better enlighten atleast one thing that is good.
I stopped singing for the reason of people I looked up to told me it sounded like shit.
Though I've had people wanting me to sing with them when they perform on stage.