The stranger I sleep with
There are many nights I sleep with a stranger.
I used to know this person.
I could tell what this person was thinking just by looking at their face.
This person was my rock, I could trust completely and unconditionally. But now, sometimes when I look into their face, I see a stranger.
Who is this person?
What happened to the person I knew and loved?
Many nights when I go to bed it is with this stranger.
It is still the same face, hair, and voice as the person I knew. But when I look at them I don’t feel them like I could before.
I don’t know what this person is capable of.
This stranger is a person who has lied and hurt me.
This person has crashed my whole world down around me.
Yet each night I lay down next to this person because they look like the person I loved?
Who is this stranger in my bed?
In the morning I wake up, go into the bathroom and look in the mirror. There is yet another stranger looking back at me.
They look like me, but when I look into their eyes it seems empty and hollow, like an empty shell of the person I was.
I would think that there is something wrong with my eyes that I’m seeing strangers where people I should know intimately are. But that can’t be right there are no strangers at work, or at my parent’s house or even church, besides the one sitting next to me that shares my bed. So it can’t be my eyes.
Is it all in my head?
Am I losing my mind?
Some days the person I love is there, but when I look harder I see ghosts of this stranger.
Other days all I see is the strangers with the ghosts of the person I love.
I swear I must be losing my mind.
The person I loved was very much so seated in reality, this new stranger tells me to just act happy. “Fake it till you make it real” that’s not something the person I loved would say, but it’s what I hear coming from this stranger’s mouth.
What to do? What to do?
Do I do as this stranger says and keep up the charade?
This person cares and loves my children as the person I loved did. Do I keep pretending for them?
What to do?
Who is the stranger in the mirror? Is there something wrong with me? Wait maybe, could it be, are there actually two strangers sleeping in our bed? Or is this all just something in my head?