Lonely Heart
Newly single, an adventurous type, I decided to try my luck in the back pages of 'The Daily Clusterfuck'...
'WATER SPORTS, 33, DARK HAIR', appealed. So I showed up with a Surfboard, Snorkel and Flippers. That apparently wasn't what she meant, and after time spent explaining myself to the police she had called, I went. The cops pissed themselves. (One of them stayed to make sure she was okay.) Say what you like about the LAPD, they are kind of nice that way.
'BDSM GIRL WANTS A BEATING'. Well, after a phone call I was there, with my chess set, Pictionary, Monopoly and my heart leaping, but no. She told me to pack up my games and go... Turns out it means something else. In fact when she said, 'HIT ME!' I punched her in the face. Disgrace. Oops! (Funnily enough it was the same two cops...) As I hailed a taxi they were showing her how their handcuffs work...
'SWF SEEKS EBONY STUD.' I thought about replying and then decided that I should. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, so with my snowy skin carefully fake-tan stained I rapped like a gangsta rapper on her door. Which opened with a click, and everything was going brilliantly until she saw my dick! Apparently the myth is true. Who knew? Four inches fully hard weren't going to turn her brown eyes blue. What's a guy supposed to do?
MILF NEEDS A DADDY'S LOVE. This was the worst one so far. The three guys hiding in her hotel room beat the living shit out of me and stole my car. As the four of them sped off laughing into the night with my clothes, shoes and money I shouted, 'Amanda! Baby! Call Me! Honey?' (But she hasn't, so far...)
OLDER WOMAN NEEDS A YOUNGER GUN. I can't really talk about this one. I, shocked, said, "Oh My God, MOTHER!!!" She said, "I'm so embarrassed, Son..."
BEAR NEEDS CUB. We met in what turned out to be a GAY pub. Loads of fit guys dressed in leather in total defiance of the hot Los Angeles weather. To be honest, I said, 'Fuck It' and took a chance and I was fine until I started to dance. He said, "You move like you're in a haemorrhoid ad!" (And that's where it ended with me and Brad...)
So basically I'm back to the start and I've given up on the Lonely Hearts. I'd thought of putting in one myself, it only cost a few bucks to take one out in the 'The Daily Clusterfuck'... Here's what I've come up with:
FAT GEORGE CLOONEY LOOKALIKE SEEKS GIRL WITH VIEW TO ENGAGEMENT. (Has a SUBARU compact, four hair-pieces and a waterbed in his parent's basement) 97
No replies AS YET...
xx SF
Join the best erotica focused adult social network now
Login
*I wrote this when I was SO DRUNK...*
last reply
10 replies
1.9k views
0 watchers
0 likes
Active Ink Slinger
Seriously, though, if that's how you write drunk, then drink more. Though, I suppose I can't say that since I don't know what your sober writing is like. But whatever works for you.
Enjoy!
...that wasn't a request.
...that wasn't a request.
If it wasn't for the spittle on a dead poet's bow,
I would weather the fiddle with a poetic riddle.
But seeing as my destiny char, words aflame,
My sixth sense took a fall.
Loving you is mighty Bab Ruth,
When the gin and vermouth is not bruised,
While kissing your lips of couth,
I have become an addle smile.
Thanks to the prose and times,
Fermented sins and coal in my socks.
Between the lines, just a cocky-shot,
Out of booze on the six o'clock news.
And while the horse hairs of my strings,
Play a distance from your twat oven,
I'll keep a shoving a dead man's bow,
With a stick of rosin.
I would weather the fiddle with a poetic riddle.
But seeing as my destiny char, words aflame,
My sixth sense took a fall.
Loving you is mighty Bab Ruth,
When the gin and vermouth is not bruised,
While kissing your lips of couth,
I have become an addle smile.
Thanks to the prose and times,
Fermented sins and coal in my socks.
Between the lines, just a cocky-shot,
Out of booze on the six o'clock news.
And while the horse hairs of my strings,
Play a distance from your twat oven,
I'll keep a shoving a dead man's bow,
With a stick of rosin.
Quote by BRHolt
Seriously, though, if that's how you write drunk, then drink more. Though, I suppose I can't say that since I don't know what your sober writing is like. But whatever works for you.
I have NO IDEA what my sober writing is like!!!
(Never tried that!)
xx SF
Nicola: "Don't tell him to drink more... Fucker will drown..."
Prolific Writer
Quote by stephanie
I have NO IDEA what my sober writing is like!!!
(Never tried that!)
xx SF
I bet it would be marvelous.....
I challenge you to a sober poem
xo
Active Ink Slinger
I agree. We always assume that alcohol is making writers more creative. But what if it isn't? What if they are just creative in spite of the alcohol? It would be an interesting experiment.
Enjoy!
...that wasn't a request.
...that wasn't a request.
Advanced Wordsmith
Keep on drinking so that you keep on posting and we keep on reading as a counterpart, lol... never expected this nice story?
Want to know who is the sexiest person a live? #Top Porn Sites