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Gimme a dirty limerick... maybe win GOLD! [WINNER ANNOUNCED!]

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TheShrew
Active Ink Slinger
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The young lady was a Scot
But this didn’t matter a jot
When Mc Dick was hard
He liked to catch her off guard
And slip her one in her pussy’s tight slot
ThePhantom
Active Ink Slinger
0 likes
There was a young man from Kent

Whose dick was so long that it bent

To save himself trouble he stuck it in double

and instead of coming he went.



65
anon47
Advanced Wordsmith
0 likes
A randy New Yorker called Donald
Fancied the ass off both Nancy and Ronald.
After fucking forty girls
He spotted pubes growing curls
Which he rolled on French Fries from McDonalds.
Guest
Lurker
0 likes
Quote by naughtyannie


I just realised this rhymes best if read in a Scottish accent lol. ???


Nice! ???
Guest
Lurker
0 likes
I once went to a nude seniors dance
Where disrobing was not left to chance
We were stripped at the door
So that all could see more
And not with the subtlest of glance

Once nude, an old lady approached me
Spun me ‘round for a better look-see
Said my dick she would suck
After that we would fuck
But it would have to be a quickie

Told the police were on their way now
So do well in what time would allow
I then stuck it in
Her silver-haired quim
And we fucked every which way and how

I have done crazy things in my life
With too many of them causing strife
Tonight I was tested
And then was arrested
For fucking the police chief’s old wife

Having jail time to now reminisce
The moral of the story is this
If you go to a dance
Penis stays in your pants
And only give the chief’s wife a kiss
Guest
Lurker
0 likes
I once fucked a girl with three eyes
She succumbed after all of my lies
To watch all our gropin’
Her left one stayed open
And compared me to all other guys
Guest
Lurker
0 likes
My gal’s cries sound like yodels to some
Especially when fucked in the bum
Yodel-lay-he-who
She screams when we screw
And nip tugs make my baby go moo
Burquette
Bug
0 likes
This giveaway is CLOSED!



I'll match names to numbers tonight and then I will announce a winner tomorrow, to kick off the weekend.
Burquette
Bug
0 likes
A fellow I met here on Lush
Is too good at making me blush
Each time I log in
A PM's in my bin
I'm starting to think I'm his crush!
Guest
Lurker
0 likes
There once was a good cop with big breasts
Who led the police force in arrests
When she collared a perp
For the jailbird to chirp
She motorboated them to confess
Unknown User
0 likes
Quote by Burquette
This giveaway is CLOSED!



I'll match names to numbers tonight and then I will announce a winner tomorrow, to kick off the weekend.



It's a long weekend in most of Canada (the "Civic Holiday", though the exact name varies even within Ontario) so a win would be even sweeter for us Canucks.
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
0 likes
Quote by seeker4


It's a long weekend in most of Canada (the "Civic Holiday", though the exact name varies even within Ontario) so a win would be even sweeter for us Canucks.


Contest postponed until Tuesday.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

Verbal
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
0 likes
If this is closed how come we can still post?

A charming young lizard named Killa
Had a yearning to fuck with Godzilla
She worked on her abs
On her back she grew slabs
After sex they destroyed a small villa.
Unknown User
0 likes
Quote by Verbal
If this is closed how come we can still post?

A charming young lizard named Killa
Had a yearning to fuck with Godzilla
She worked on her abs
On her back she grew slabs
After sex they destroyed a small villa.


The contest is closed, not the thread. Love yours. Smutty Kaiju limericks for the win. Now I feel challenged. Or inspired. Or something.

A might king ape named Kong
Composed his lady a song
It came out as a roar,
That blew down the door,
As the lady played with his dong.
dlcalguy
Active Ink Slinger
0 likes
Oooh monsters!

In Jurassic Park's very first chapters
The dinosaurs turned on their captors
Muldoon was no churl
He said "Clever girl..."
And got fucked by velociraptors.
Burquette
Bug
0 likes
Quote by Verbal
If this is closed how come we can still post?

A charming young lizard named Killa
Had a yearning to fuck with Godzilla
She worked on her abs
On her back she grew slabs
After sex they destroyed a small villa.


The contest is closed but you can add limericks for as long as you like! (This one made me smile)
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
0 likes
Mothra and Zilla were fighting
while verbal was frantically writing
about hot monster sex
and skyscrapper wrecks
and scenes about scratching and biting

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

Guest
Lurker
0 likes
I dated a girl from the northwest
She was taller than most of the rest
Some found her too scary
‘cause she was quite hairy
But I found Sasquatch blowjobs are best
Verbal
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
0 likes
Quote by sprite
Mothra and Zilla were fighting
while verbal was frantically writing
about hot monster sex
and skyscrapper wrecks
and scenes about scratching and biting


A young girl named after a soft drink
Had a odd, uncontrollable wink
She'd bat her long lashes
The boys would make passes
But only girls got to know her true kink
Burquette
Bug
0 likes
There once was this fellow named Ping.
For limericks he had quite the thing.
Some were pure sweet
But not the least bit discreet
For me, they packed quite the zing!

Burquette
Bug
0 likes
Names and numbers are matched on the opening post. The winner will be announced tomorrow morning, my time, which is 12-16 hours from now. If I got your number wrong, please tell me before then!

XXOO,
~B
Burquette
Bug
0 likes
Quote by OLDJOCK
Ava. been away. plck a number for me? tx OLD JOCK


I gave you 36, which is one of my favorite numbers.
Burquette
Bug
0 likes
Here is the random number generator



Drum roll, please!



And here is the screen-shot of the winner!



The winner is... sweet_as_candy

Thank you so much to everyone who played. This was tremendous fun!
Unknown User
0 likes
Tsk tsk. You should have announced it using a limerick, like so:

A lady who was sweet as candy
Was known to be rather randy
She hung out on Lush
Where her work made us blush
And a Gold for her would be just dandy.
Burquette
Bug
0 likes
Quote by seeker4
Tsk tsk. You should have announced it using a limerick, like so:

A lady who was sweet as candy
Was known to be rather randy
She hung out on Lush
Where her work made us blush
And a Gold for her would be just dandy.


Ugh. Opportunity lost. But this one is perfect!
sweet_as_candy
Story Verifier
0 likes
Quote by Burquette
The winner is... sweet_as_candy

Thank you so much to everyone who played. This was tremendous fun!


Whoo hoo!!

I am super thrilled! I never win anything! Thank you so much! I will send you a PM.

sweet_as_candy
Story Verifier
0 likes
Quote by seeker4
Tsk tsk. You should have announced it using a limerick, like so:

A lady who was sweet as candy
Was known to be rather randy
She hung out on Lush
Where her work made us blush
And a Gold for her would be just dandy.


Brilliant!
browncoffee
Coco Pop
0 likes
Quote by sweet_as_candy


Whoo hoo!!

I am super thrilled! I never win anything! Thank you so much! I will send you a PM.



Yay!! Couldn't be happier for you!! smile
sweet_as_candy
Story Verifier
0 likes
Quote by browncoffee


Yay!! Couldn't be happier for you!! smile


Jen
Charming as fuck
0 likes
Fab. Thanks for doing this, Miss B. It was a lot of fun

Well done, sweets xxx