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For the bottoms out there and the girls. A question of lube and desensitizer

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To begin, I really love the feeling of being filled and it always intensifies my orgasm when I have a thick dildo in my ass. It's like nothing else I have ever experienced. But I have 2 small problems. I can't use a silicone based lube with my favourite July dildo because, as you know, silicone melts jelly. Not good!!! So I need advice on a really good quality water based lube that will keep me lubed up for the long haul.
That brings me to my second issue. Though I need to have a thick dildo to massage my p spot to best effect my poor asshole doesn't recover for hours afterwards and I'm left feeling very uncomfortable for some time. I have tried desensitizer creams and gels but haven't found one that works really well so far.
Please, if you can recommend any good products I will be eternally grateful ?
nok lube or condoms going in me just give to me all of it in and hard as a rock
I can't recommend a desensitizer because I've never needed one but on the lube front I highly recommend the 'Pjur Aqua' lube range. I get the one for women and I see they have an anal desensitizing range too. I have tried the majority of lubes out there and this is the one I keep coming back to because it doesn't vanish halfway through or become sticky. It doesn't have a weird taste or smell either.
"A dirty book is rarely dusty"
These day's I find eau natural good for me but if choosing a lube I would suggest K-Y Gel it's water based.

I like to use coconut butter.I heat it up so that is nice and warm, and besides that its all natural