Project Semi Colon: Lush Style

Quote by patokl

Kiera, nobody who has been reading this thread thinks you are stupid. Those that do.. they're the stupid ones, fuck'm. You, Rachel and all of you, sharing in this thread, are incredibly brave and far from nuts.

Here's a from me.

Quote by kiera


Thank you very much for this and I apologise for not responding and thanking you sooner for reaching out to me when I was having a tough time, Gael had emailed me privately so I also had already thanked him... Thank you, Rach for the above post as it reminded me that I had not thanked patokl.

This thread is such a beautiful thing, I love how we all look out for each other... I know I look out for if it is posted on and come look in case someone needs help and I want to thank each and every one of you for looking out for me and for you all to know that if you ever need me I will be there for you too.

Big Thank you to Rachel too for creating this thread for us.

Hi Rachel Please may I have a cookie?

Quote by sprite


Get your own damn cookie, pizza burner.

Quote by sprite


hey, thanks for taking time to read, to think, to respond. *hugs* hi.

Quote by a_chica


this is how long between each suicide that ends a life...

I you are thinking it... feel free to talk to me...I am a good shoulder to lean on

Quote by Barbielicious


Thank you, Chica.

Quote by kiera
I was wondering?

I read Sylvia Days books and especially like her Crossfire ones.

In this the main characters are both survivors, him and her.

Her way of dealing is to have therapy and urges him to take therapy but seen as he was by a therapist he is reluctant to go to another as you can imagine...It is in my opinion a great and emotional story and the sex between them is scorching hot...because he uses sex as a weapon to control and she uses sex to feel wanted and loved and feel emotion.

I wondered how many of us use sex that way now?

Quote by kiera
I was wondering?

I read Sylvia Days books and especially like her Crossfire ones.

In this the main characters are both survivors, him and her.

Where as she has in a way dealt with it with therapy, he has not dealt with it at all and needs to dominate her the woman he loves because he was abused and it is the only way he knows to cope/handle his emotions towards her... he never loved anyone before and that wrecks his emotions and leaves him vulnerable to her which he cannot handle seen as he was a survivor by a therapist and the only way he knows how is to dominate her but she is a survivor too so it's an interesting set of books to read on how much they love each other but how difficult their relationship is due to their pasts.

Her way of dealing is to have therapy and urges him to take therapy but seen as he was by a therapist he is reluctant to go to another as you can imagine...It is in my opinion a great and emotional story and the sex between them is scorching hot...because he uses sex as a weapon to control and she uses sex to feel wanted and loved and feel emotion.

I wondered how many of us use sex that way now?

Quote by Hotbbw
I am sure a lot of us use sex as a form to take over the power and control lost during or sexual abuse. It has been the result of research that promiscuity is in many cases this way of taking power/control back.

Quote by sprite


a while back, over a decade now, actually, i escaped from an abusive relationship. i spent most of the following year recovering, pretty close to being a shut in. when i finally 'emerged', i 'cleansed myself' with one night stands. i'd find a bar, pick up a guy, fuck his brains out, and leave. it became a habit - using men for sex. (i used the phrase 'using them' with purpose - they were just a hard cock, nothing more, at the time) i never shared any personal info, didn't want to know anything about them, including names if i could avoid it. it was just fucking. eventually, i got it out of my system. not too uncommon, i believe.

Quote by kiera


And you say I was a terrible lesbian??

Eats my brownie

And hides lol

Quote by sprite


i didn't say i liked having sex with them... *steals your brownie* AND you're a terrible bowler.

Quote by _O2_
My younger sister killed herself back in 1986. There isn't a day that goes by that I wonder if I'd had been a better brother to her that she'd be alive today. Our whole family accepted the fact she was a lesbian and didn't really care as long as she was happy. Somewhere between my getting out of the Navy in 1979, getting married, moving away and having children she got caught up in a nasty relationship, involved with drugs and lost herself. Maybe....just maybe if I had been closer to her and talked with her more she might be alive today.

Quote by _O2_
My younger sister killed herself back in 1986. There isn't a day that goes by that I wonder if I'd had been a better brother to her that she'd be alive today. Our whole family accepted the fact she was a lesbian and didn't really care as long as she was happy. Somewhere between my getting out of the Navy in 1979, getting married, moving away and having children she got caught up in a nasty relationship, involved with drugs and lost herself. Maybe....just maybe if I had been closer to her and talked with her more she might be alive today.

Quote by kiera


Hello

First of all thank you for sharing with us and I am so very sorry for your loss.

I am going to have to agree with Rachel (Sprite) here, there is nothing you could have done because when you reach that point for whatever reason, all of us here have different reasons for reaching that point where you just can't take anymore and want it all to stop.

Rachel says she has a loving wife, I will go one further I didn't have that I was getting divorced after an abusive marriage, but I did have a beautiful 2 year old daughter who depended on me and who I did and still do love more than life itself and that stupid night not even thoughts of her could stop me from popping those 3 months worth of beta blockers I was given for the panic attacks and downing them with vodka... I felt such peace when I lost consciousness the likes I had not known in such a long time... but just to add although I am bitterly ashamed of myself for my actions over 10 years ago she was not with me that night I was alone, I always felt alone.

I didn't call for help, I didn't even leave a note so I was not attention seeking I wanted it to end... My ex said (not my abusive ex who i was divorcing) he just felt something was wrong and came back, found me on the floor, barely breathing and saw all the empty packets of pills... he called an ambulance but also forced his fingers down my throat and made me vomit, which bought me time until they could pump my stomach, but he most certainly saved my life and I am forever grateful for that because I felt no one could help me but I had to start seeing a therapist once I finally regained consciousness and it was the best thing that ever to me, though even now I still don't cope well.

My point here is if she got to that stage like I did no one is to blame, especially not you... sometimes you just get to that stage and it's all you want or need... some of us are lucky like I was and got saved and thank God for it but others don't get saved, but ultimately it is their choice and I am going to say it is a selfish choice because you just are not thinking about the people you are leaving behind... or at least I didn't.

Don't know if this helps or not, but I do know you are not to blame, not at all.

Quote by _O2_



Thank you, Ladies. I've been told before I'm not to blame, I know that deep down inside. My problem has been and always will be that I think too much. The what if's what could have beens seem to float through my mind from time to time. I appreciate your thoughts and I make a point to listen when people talk to me about their problems. If I can't do anything about them I at least listen and try to suggest something to help them.

Quote by _O2_



Thank you, Ladies. I've been told before I'm not to blame, I know that deep down inside. My problem has been and always will be that I think too much. The what if's what could have beens seem to float through my mind from time to time. I appreciate your thoughts and I make a point to listen when people talk to me about their problems. If I can't do anything about them I at least listen and try to suggest something to help them.

Quote by sprite


sometimes, even when people tell you, even if you know, you still feel the guilt - "what ifs" are hard, especially since they can never be answered. i know they always come back to haunt me, and i assume they haunt most of the people in this thread as well as the people who love them. all you can really do is move on and yeah, i find that doing your best to use your experience, to help out others, helps assauge that guilt, or at least make it bearable *hugs*

Quote by _O2_
My younger sister killed herself back in 1986. There isn't a day that goes by that I wonder if I'd had been a better brother to her that she'd be alive today. Our whole family accepted the fact she was a lesbian and didn't really care as long as she was happy. Somewhere between my getting out of the Navy in 1979, getting married, moving away and having children she got caught up in a nasty relationship, involved with drugs and lost herself. Maybe....just maybe if I had been closer to her and talked with her more she might be alive today.

Quote by sprite


sometimes, even when people tell you, even if you know, you still feel the guilt - "what ifs" are hard, especially since they can never be answered. i know they always come back to haunt me, and i assume they haunt most of the people in this thread as well as the people who love them. all you can really do is move on and yeah, i find that doing your best to use your experience, to help out others, helps assauge that guilt, or at least make it bearable *hugs*