Project Semi Colon: Lush Style

Quote by Barbielicious
Self harm.

No one understands and some are horrified when you do tell them.

Quote by kiera


I don't judge..the urge atm for me is almost overwhelming.

All the fucked up shit and stress inside..so easily solved with a cut.

I am not horrified I understand.

Yet I just want to hide in a ball, I am ignoring everyone and I feel so very much alone because they won't understand.

Quote by Barbielicious


I am here if you want to talk to me.

I'm sorry you feel the need to self harm.

you can message me and I'll get back to you anytime, okay?

Quote by kiera


Same goes for you sweetie..I'm just having a crappy few weeks atm.

Quote by kiera


I don't judge..the urge atm for me is almost overwhelming.

All the fucked up shit and stress inside..so easily solved with a cut.

I am not horrified I understand.

Yet I just want to hide in a ball, I am ignoring everyone and I feel so very much alone because they won't understand.

Quote by Verbal


You are not alone dear.

One of my girls cut for awhile when the medical situation with her Mom was getting particularly dire.

It was horrifying as a parent to witness the results. I can't imagine how much more horrifying it must have been to be inside her head while she was doing it. I sympathize. It scares the fuck out of me.

Quote by Verbal


You are not alone dear.

One of my girls cut for awhile when the medical situation with her Mom was getting particularly dire.

It was horrifying as a parent to witness the results. I can't imagine how much more horrifying it must have been to be inside her head while she was doing it. I sympathize. It scares the fuck out of me.

Quote by Verbal


You are not alone dear.

One of my girls cut for awhile when the medical situation with her Mom was getting particularly dire.

It was horrifying as a parent to witness the results. I can't imagine how much more horrifying it must have been to be inside her head while she was doing it. I sympathize. It scares the fuck out of me.

Quote by Verbal


You are not alone dear.

One of my girls cut for awhile when the medical situation with her Mom was getting particularly dire.

It was horrifying as a parent to witness the results. I can't imagine how much more horrifying it must have been to be inside her head while she was doing it. I sympathize. It scares the fuck out of me.

Quote by Gillianleeeza


It is both horrifying as a parent to see that and to have a history of it yourself. Thinking you're to blame for passing on that behavior. So I do "understand" it quite well. Or as well as anyone can. That physical pain can silence or help deaden the mental pain you are suffering at the time. It is very hard to explain it or even expect someone who hasn't had any experience with it to understand. For me although I don't do it anymore the urge is still there. I just learned to channel it into other things. So please anyone who has experienced the urge or has self harmed, it does get better, but can be an ongoing battle. The good news: there are those of us out here that do understand and want to help. Anyone can PM me if they ever need just a sympathetic ear or reassurances that it is just a small part of who you are. It doesn't define you and never will. We are all struggling with something. No one should ever feel alone in their battles. for everyone.

Quote by Verbal


Thank you for expressing your sympathies. She has gotten better, though as Gillian says, the urge is still there. She is just learning to channel it.

And as Gillian also said, we are all struggling with something. I just thought I'd add my own experience (or rather my daughter's).

No one is ever really alone. Reach out.

Quote by Gillianleeeza


It is both horrifying as a parent to see that and to have a history of it yourself. Thinking you're to blame for passing on that behavior. So I do "understand" it quite well. Or as well as anyone can. That physical pain can silence or help deaden the mental pain you are suffering at the time. It is very hard to explain it or even expect someone who hasn't had any experience with it to understand. For me although I don't do it anymore the urge is still there. I just learned to channel it into other things. So please anyone who has experienced the urge or has self harmed, it does get better, but can be an ongoing battle. The good news: there are those of us out here that do understand and want to help. Anyone can PM me if they ever need just a sympathetic ear or reassurances that it is just a small part of who you are. It doesn't define you and never will. We are all struggling with something. No one should ever feel alone in their battles. for everyone.

Quote by sprite
been there a few times myself. you can usually tell when i'm dealing with too much - i pull out the sharpies and use those instead of a blade - trust me, the desire to do more is there, but the ritual keeps me grounded in a way. known a few cutters - KNOW a few cutters. there have been times when i am not sure if my masochistic tendencies are completely sexual or sometimes just me dealing with shit *shrugs* times when i don't care, too.

love you guys - just keep breathing - sometimes that's the best you can do *hugs*

Quote by sprite
been there a few times myself. you can usually tell when i'm dealing with too much - i pull out the sharpies and use those instead of a blade - trust me, the desire to do more is there, but the ritual keeps me grounded in a way. known a few cutters - KNOW a few cutters. there have been times when i am not sure if my masochistic tendencies are completely sexual or sometimes just me dealing with shit *shrugs* times when i don't care, too.

love you guys - just keep breathing - sometimes that's the best you can do *hugs*

Quote by kiera

Quote by sprite
I wrote this up, recently, in the mod thread. Nicola suggested I share it with a larger audience, so here it is - there was a lot of incredibly personal stuff, beyond what follows, btw, that i felt wise to edit out, but the meat, as they say, is still here.

First off, Project semi colon can be found here:

http://www.projectsemicolon.com/

A few things, that some of you, myself included, might take pause at - it's faith based, meaning it has close ties to Christianity. That said, I like the idea enough to share the link - it might not be for everyone, but the idea of it is worthy. here goes...

Among other things, i am employed as a part time volunteer at an LGBT center. One of the kids today - yes, I am old enough to call them kids now - time to start drinking - one of the teens I work with had a semi-colon tattoo on his wrist. What's that, i wondered out loud. are you a writer?

Project semi-colon. I think I'd heard the name once. A semi colon is a pause. Apparently it was taken up by some people and became a thing - a pause, a story not finished. He showed me his scars, too. one on each wrist. We are all writers, even those who don't write. We all have a story to tell. Sometimes, though, people get to the point where they put down the pen and try to end it too early. It's a reminder, he tells me, that there's more to his story. I like the idea. I am planning on doing a little research into the project when time permits. I may even get my own tat. For now, I've drawn one on my left wrist. It's blue. I like blue. The dot bit and the comma are separated by a scar...

You can learn from anyone if you keep an open mind and just listen. Listening, is key, btw. Most of us just need to know that someone is listening. That's something else I get here. I know that I can find someone to listen when I really need it, whether in the forums, or one on one. I asked him about his story. He shared it. It's his though, and not mine. He asked me about mine, and I shared as well and he just listened. Simple as that. It felt good. It went something like this;

Shortly before New Years last year, I tried to kill myself. I have suffered from insomnia peppered by nightmares since I was 21. The last couple of years have been particularly bad. PTSD isn't fun to deal with. I just wanted to close my eyes and know that I could sleep in peace for one night. Figured the only way to do that, really, was to off myself. It wasn't one of the smartest things I've ever done. It almost wrecked my marriage. It almost destroyed a very precious friendship, and it derailed my new found career as a student. I am, currently, struggling again, and may very well go back on meds until I feel I can deal with it on my own. I don't like having to do that, but we have to do lots of things we don't like to keep ourselves healthy. Like eating broccoli... yuck. :)

I still have those thoughts from time to time. I still feel alone, even knowing I am surrounded by people who love me. We all have those moments. I am sharing my story here, but really, this is not about me. This is about all of you; of us. You are not alone. Ever. You all have beautiful stories that need to be finished. You all have people who care about you. Anytime any of you need someone to just listen, just say so. Sometimes it's hard to start talking - this wasn't easy, trust me, but once you do, you forget about it. You need to talk, talk. We all have shit that we go through, have gone through, will go through. None of it is trivial and it's never a contest. Even the "little things" that get to you can still loom large in your life.

This was hard, btw, coming out. I have only told a couple of people here my story. But I am glad I finally got the courage to do it. And, if you don't feel comfy doing it here, remember, people who love you are surround you, if you just open your eyes. reach out to them, to friends and family. Reach out to the community. You'd be surprised at the stories people here have beyond what we publish.

And, when someone reaches out to you, take a moment, a pause, if you will, to listen, to nod, to tell them that yeah, you get it, that you understand. Just listen. It's so very easy, it takes so little time and effort, and yet, it means so much.

xo
rachel

Quote by Simmerdownchick


I think it's so brave of you to open yourself up like this. I have a very difficult time doing that, and so I usually only show a goofy side to most people. I struggle with depression and anxiety every day from a childhood filled with being bullied and about every form of abuse you could name (and yes, I know your'e a social worker, so you could probably imagine). Anyway, thank you so much for posting. I just found the thread and it's really nice to know that when I'm having a bad day I can come here for support. Anyway, enough now because I am not going to get water in my eyes...NOPE!

I REALLY LOVE THE SEMI COLON project.
P.S. I personally don't want to come off of my meds because they keep my stress, anxiety and panic attacks way down.

Quote by Simmerdownchick


I think it's so brave of you to open yourself up like this. I have a very difficult time doing that, and so I usually only show a goofy side to most people. I struggle with depression and anxiety every day from a childhood filled with being bullied and about every form of abuse you could name (and yes, I know your'e a social worker, so you could probably imagine). Anyway, thank you so much for posting. I just found the thread and it's really nice to know that when I'm having a bad day I can come here for support. Anyway, enough now because I am not going to get water in my eyes...NOPE!

I REALLY LOVE THE SEMI COLON project.
P.S. I personally don't want to come off of my meds because they keep my stress, anxiety and panic attacks way down.

Quote by sprite


humor is how i deal a lot of the times. dark humor, often, but yeah, you have probably seen a lot of my posts in here where i'm just throwing stuff out there to be funny. it's a pressure valve. i actually have enough jokes that are in bad taste regarding my attempted suicide that i could do stand up. they're funny, too, though probably not very PC...

meds fuck me up in some ways, so i struggle with the balance of knowing when i am in a place i need that help and when i'm in a place when i am strong enough to go without - personally, i would rather be off them completely, but there have been times when i just needed that extra help... i still get the panic attacks from time to time, but i know how to weather them now. experience, really, is what works of me - i know how and when to ride the waves out. not the best system in the world, but we all deal with shit in our own ways.

an offer i throw out to anyone - if you're having a bad day, if you need to unload, if you just need someone to listen, and throwing it up here isn't enough, PM me or Black box me - i'm always invisible, it keeps me sane, but if i happen to be on line at the time, i will set aside things and listen and maybe even talk you down a bit if that's what you need. it's not a professional thing, it's just a community thing, a community being a group of people with similar interests and a commonality of experiences.

love and hugs, rach

Quote by kiera


Hi Welcome to the semi colon forum

No one judges you here..we all have different stories, some more tragic than others...no one here will judge you they are all too scared of Sprite who will kick there arse if they do.

I would like to reciprocate Sprites offer should you ever need a friend or just a person to talk to please feel free to contact me...Sprite is your better option though and I can personally vouch for it because she has been there for me a time or too and helped me when i was struggling.