Taoism : Shit happens.
Protestantism : Let shit happen to someone else.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?
Atheism: No shit.
TV Evangelism: Send more shit.
Buddhism: If shit happens, it is not really shit.
Zen Buddhidm: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit happened before.