Thought I start a fun topic.
A few nights ago I was blowing my fuck buddy and I looked up at his face just to see his expression and he says:
"You have evil eyes."
LMAO
I have never heard anyone say I have evil eyes before.
Funny? Can't think of much. My sense of humor evaporates - things are either an extreme turn on or entirely a turn off.
But fucked up and beyond strange? Yeah - lots of that. LOL .... looooots of that. I seem to draw that out of people.
It wasn't actually what was said. In fact, I'm pretty sure it would be spelled, "Yaaaaaaaaeeeeeeiiiiiaaaaaa!"
From my point of view, it took a moment for it to even be funny. I think for a full three seconds I was completely baffled. No only was a limited amount of blood going to my brain, but I was completely immersed in the pleasure of outdoor coitus with a very nubile creature. We had a concealed spot on a college campus very close to the school track area. She was on top of me, I think enjoying herself as much as I was. And then, suddenly I hear an ear splitting, "Yaaaaaaaaeeeeeeiiiiiaaaaaa!" And the girl is completely gone. In a split second she had moved from sitting astride me to some position over my head entirely out of my sight. You're probably thinking what I was. Aliens? Ninjas? Is my penis still where it's supposed to be?
I looked down to find a very friendly stray dog between my legs almost the same position where I had last seen the disappearing damsel. He had pricked up ears, a wagging tail, and a nose that I'm told was approximately three degrees fahrenheit.
Now I'm normally a canine friendly kind of guy, but in this case he was not "man's best friend."
I was having sex with a lady friend and right while we were at it the phones rings. I told her not to answer but like always, she didn't listen so I just kept going kind of slow while she spoke to her mother. Obviously, this gave her ample reason to end the call, but before she did, her mom asked if I would be joining them for dinner that weekend. When I said I'm coming, I meant more than just the dinner.
the funniest thing she ever said was...........when I first went to get my face into her cunt and eat her.........she said......that's going to make you sick......I had to keep myself from bursting out laughing.......
We hadn't started the fucking yet, and I was between her legs licking her pussy- her heel come down on my head and since my mouth was open it made an odd audible "CLUNK".
It took her 5 minutes to stop giggling.
We were fucking in the bedroom while dinner was cooking. The timer goes off and she says, "Fuck it, we can order pizza."
We were going at it and my orgasm was getting way to close and I was thinking of many things to stop it and all I could come up with was saying wicker furniture in my head when it came out of my mouth four times while I came. She jut sat on me laughing
So Fuck Buddy was doing anal to me, he was just on the last few strokes to the big finish when behind the door a little voice pipes up:
"Daddy can you make me toast and a drink."
The mood changed for hot and sexy to OMG hahaha what great timing Billy. When Fuck Buddy is about to get me something to eat or a drink I now mock Billy's voice and go "Daddy can you please get me toast and a drink."
He just laughs and rolls his eyes.
My first wife had natural firm 38Ds. She was starting to get into the feminist crap her older sister was into. We had many talks about it, and I agreed with a lot of it. One night she's on top, and we're going at it, and she looks down at me over these 38s and I'm fondling them with my hands and eyes, and she says, "There's more to me then my boobs! My eyes are up here." I kept going and said, "Yeah, but right now your boobs are all I can see!" She laughed at how crazy it all sounded and we never had another problem with me and her boobs.
With a former fiancé I was doing her doggy style, hot and heavy, and the phone rang. I just let it go, and she said either answer it or take it off the hook. So I took it off the hook, but didn't push the off button. Later as we laid there exhausted I heard, "Hello, hello" coming form the phone. I lifted the receiver and said, "Uh, hello." It was my mom. Her response was, "Does this mean I might be a grandmother?"
I fucked a guy who I met in a club one time and every time he pushed into me he kept shouting "thanks be to jesus for this opportunity!" I laughed so much and he kept asking why. I don't think he realised and still doesn't know to this day. I fucked him again a few months later and it was the exact same but I kept myself from laughing this time, which was very difficult.
"We've fallen and we can't get up!!!!"
To explain. Early last year I moved in with a buddy of mine to cut costs and save us both some money. He knew that I was bisexual and at first said he didn't know if he was comfortable with me having guys over in my room or not. But after a few days said go for it...he just hoped he couldn't hear us.
Well the first night that I had a guy over...it was a mutual friend of ours. We were really going at it when the bed broke. I mean it really broke and threw both of us naked into the floor between the bed and the wall. No matter how we tried we couldn't get up. We had to yell for him to come help us. When he walked in the room and saw us -- me on top -- my fuck buddy yelled...."We've falled and we can't get up."
That reminds me of the night of my 2 year anniversary when I was married. My wife and I had gone out to eat and something I ate didn't agree with my stomach. I bloated up and had so much gas as if I had eaten beans but I didn't.
I did fairly well. I was so horny. I had thought about just begging for a pass that night but my dick was doing my thinking. We had been going at it for awhile and I was holding it in, but at one point she wrapped her legs around me and squeezed and that did it. I let out the loudest explosion of gas ever.
It got quiet and then she just burst out laughing. The harder she laughed the more she tightened. I thought at one point she was going to squeeze my dick off. We both ended up coming just from her laughing. It was weird.
We had just finished and were lying still entwined when I had one last spasm and my partner said ''Parting shot?''
These really had me in stitiches. You guys are so funny. x
