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Was it all a lie? (the breakup)

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LadyofSilkandLace
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Hello everyone.
As the title of the topic may suggest,I am nursing a breakup.It had its problems,it was long distance and online and it was mainly a relationship through phone calls and texting.Anyway...I thought we were working out our differences lately and by the phone call last week,he said he loved me so I thought things were on the right track.But then August 1st came and I got a text from him that basically said he wanted to be left alone by everyone including myself.That his tolerance is rapidly dimishing and that with a few days of no interaction he was feeling pretty good and to imagine how good he'll actually feel when he cut everyone off completely?That he is considering it,that nobody he talks to is doing a thing for him,that no one makes him laugh,that he isnt happy to talk to anyone and nobody can help him.that the love for his 'precious people' is gone and they are just burdens he just carries out of habit.that he doesnt need or want them.
That hes miserable and he's holding me back and this isnt good for either of us.That no amount of breaks or days off is going to soften the fact our relationship has given him more head and heartache than he has the capacity to endure.that there is stubborness and idiocy and hes no idiot.What I've done is tell him Ill text and call him when I get back from my vacation till the end of the month and if he still feels the same then I wont bother him again.He agreed to it.
So here's the kicker:turns out that he has done this sort of thing before.its his MO so-to-speak.He gets with a girl,seduces and sweet talks her to a relationship,they get into it and then suddenly it runs out for him and he splits.He is incapable to be comfortable with being close to someone emotionally because he doesnt trust. (this comes from someone who knows him 3 years.I dated him for nearly a year)

My question is this:all this time that I was together with him,all he said,the fact he said he loved me.Did I imagine it?Was I a victim of manipulation?someone's amusement?Because honestly now I dont know what to think
~LadyOfSilk&Lace25 was here~
Dani
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
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Quote by Babydoll24
My question is this:all this time that I was together with him,all he said,the fact he said he loved me.Did I imagine it?Was I a victim of manipulation?someone's amusement?Because honestly now I dont know what to think


Quite frankly, yes to most of the above. You didn't imagine anything. But it sounds like he was using you and anyone else for his amusement. He probably didn't mean it when he loved you...just felt like the right thing to say at the moment. And as much as it hurts, he sounds like a pretty selfish individual to be able to cut off not just you but pretty much everyone just because everyone stopped entertaining him. You're pretty much better off. I know that doesn't help. And I know it sucks that you put yourself out there just to have it thrown back in your face, but it's the truth. He was just using you and everyone else seemingly to pass time. It sucks that you got caught up in it. But if he truly loved you, he wouldn't have been able to throw you away along with the rest of the bunch he's throwing away. I think he was just toying with you because he could.

Go out with friends in a really cute outfit. Let guys you know you won't give the time of day to buy you drinks. Or if you would give them the time of day, slip them your number or get theirs and take a rain check. As harsh as it sounds, you've been had. It totally completely sucks. Your feelings were real, and his weren't. What he did was pretty low. So eat some ice cream. Cry a little. Or cry a lot. Then pull yourself together, go out and get White Girl Wasted. Have some fun. You'll be fine.

░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░
LadyofSilkandLace
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Quote by slipperywhenwet2012


Quite frankly, yes to most of the above. You didn't imagine anything. But it sounds like he was using you and anyone else for his amusement. He probably didn't mean it when he loved you...just felt like the right thing to say at the moment. And as much as it hurts, he sounds like a pretty selfish individual to be able to cut off not just you but pretty much everyone just because everyone stopped entertaining him. You're pretty much better off. I know that doesn't help. And I know it sucks that you put yourself out there just to have it thrown back in your face, but it's the truth. He was just using you and everyone else seemingly to pass time. It sucks that you got caught up in it. But if he truly loved you, he wouldn't have been able to throw you away along with the rest of the bunch he's throwing away. I think he was just toying with you because he could.

Go out with friends in a really cute outfit. Let guys you know you won't give the time of day to buy you drinks. Or if you would give them the time of day, slip them your number or get theirs and take a rain check. As harsh as it sounds, you've been had. It totally completely sucks. Your feelings were real, and his weren't. What he did was pretty low. So eat some ice cream. Cry a little. Or cry a lot. Then pull yourself together, go out and get White Girl Wasted. Have some fun. You'll be fine.



I really wish I were easy to woo sometimes.I truly do.But especially after this relationship in which I changed myself (cause I did) to not smother him cause he's totally not commitment friendly?I got rid of my insecurities for once in my life.I truly felt wanted and loved and especially enough.Beautiful.And I have never felt that.Not ever.And from one day to the next this happening...Im never gonna go back to being totally insecure.Not after this.But I was comfortable in my own skin for once.Who is gonna make me feel like that again?Who's just gonna look and SEE me?no lost pounds,no makeup or a pussy to fuck.just...me?
~LadyOfSilk&Lace25 was here~
MadMartigan
Raised on Blackroot
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Drop him like a rotten egg.

Go do some awesomely fun shit and clear out the gears as it were.

Live your life. Let the good shit come to you. It will.

I call you, you won't know until you try as far as meeting someone new.
LadyofSilkandLace
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by MadMartigan
Drop him like a rotten egg.

Go do some awesomely fun shit and clear out the gears as it were.

Live your life. Let the good shit come to you. It will.

I call you, you won't know until you try as far as meeting someone new.



I seriously wish I could erase it as quickly as he is.I truly envy that.But its gonna take me a while to be able to do this.Honestly have fun and be happy again.I am in the ''fuck off I dont wanna see anyone'' phase.And 20 days with family on vacation tomorrow?really not helping matters
~LadyOfSilk&Lace25 was here~
Dani
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
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Quote by Babydoll24



I really wish I were easy to woo sometimes.I truly do.But especially after this relationship in which I changed myself (cause I did) to not smother him cause he's totally not commitment friendly?I got rid of my insecurities for once in my life.I truly felt wanted and loved and especially enough.Beautiful.And I have never felt that.Not ever.And from one day to the next this happening...Im never gonna go back to being totally insecure.Not after this.But I was comfortable in my own skin for once.Who is gonna make me feel like that again?Who's just gonna look and SEE me?no lost pounds,no makeup or a pussy to fuck.just...me?


I think that's your problem as well. I hate to sound like a cheesy Lifetime movie, but it seems like you're trying to find the love you lack in yourself in someone else. When will YOU see YOURSELF as you truly are?? No makeup, no lost pounds, etc.? It seems like you know it wasn't real but you settled for it, and that's where you messed up. You accepted yourself because he accepted you. But he rejected you and now you're rejecting yourself. That acceptance of yourself should never depend on an outside source. I've had my own issues of insecurities to put to rest. Until you think you're beautiful, any guy could come along and tell you that you're beautiful and you'll accept his acceptance of you. That really isn't good for anyone.

Also, NEVER EVER change the very essence of who you are for anyone. We're people. Change happens...but it has to be for the right reasons. And it has to be for you. Y-O-U.

░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░
simplyjohn
Site administrator
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Quote by Babydoll24



I seriously wish I could erase it as quickly as he is.I truly envy that.But its gonna take me a while to be able to do this.Honestly have fun and be happy again.I am in the ''fuck off I dont wanna see anyone'' phase.And 20 days with family on vacation tomorrow?really not helping matters


I wonder if thats true. Being away from your normal environment and on holiday with family perhaps is an opportunity for you to start to look to the future and start to put that relationship behind you. Please try your utmost during your holiday to enjoy yourself, perhaps let your hair down and dont think about HIM!!. Im not good at these things but we are friends so I wanted to say something .. cuddles.
Guest
Lurker
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it is the problem of relationships that you leave yourself open to be hurt, I read in a book some where that who ever loves least in a relationship has the power. So if you love someone then there is a real possibility that they will hurt you even though they may not mean to. but you have to do it if you want that real deep relationship and it is scary. I do not know if this will help you deal with it, but give yourself some time then you got to get yourself back out there.
Guest
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I have friends, both male and female, who have gotten caught up in on-line and long distance relationships and so far the record of success is zero. Thats not to say they can't and don't work. But boy, it takes an enormous and continuous effort. The one thing they all have in common is the effort skyrockets in the beginning and then over time excuses and bad days and headaches and moms and dogs and cars and whatever excuse can be conjured up is hung out there and eventually those excuses result the bitter end. Men portrayed themselves to be younger and in better shape and the same for women. I've heard nightmare stories of online and long distance lies and deceit. I wouldn't want to emotionally invest in something like that and neither should you. Lick your wounds. Let them heal and find a man who is close enough to hold your hand.
DavidTheDeer
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Hate to say it but it sounds like he was using you, he finally got you to do everything that he wanted, and then he lost interest in you. Either that or he has emotional problems.
LadyofSilkandLace
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by foxjack
Hate to say it but it sounds like he was using you, he finally got you to do everything that he wanted, and then he lost interest in you. Either that or he has emotional problems.



He does have emotional problems.Most of the time he is emotionless nearly.I am better currently as I have lost some weight those days I've been here (about 15 pounds) and continue on some dieting.Hate to say it,but after him,my standards are higher.Also hate to say it but a part of me still hopes he will call
~LadyOfSilk&Lace25 was here~
simplyjohn
Site administrator
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Quote by Babydoll24



He does have emotional problems.Most of the time he is emotionless nearly.I am better currently as I have lost some weight those days I've been here (about 15 pounds) and continue on some dieting.Hate to say it,but after him,my standards are higher.Also hate to say it but a part of me still hopes he will call


The 'my standards are higher' attitude is a positive step forward in my view ... good on you ... hoping he will still call .. thats normal I think but as times goes by that desire/hope will fade away .. something my sister said to me when my father passed away .. 'Time is a great healer' ... so very very true ... cuddles.
Guest
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The guy sounds like an asshole. Just count your blessings and be glad he is no longer a part of you. How well can you really know a person without meeting them in real life anyway? You're better off without him. Find someone who will treat you like the woman you are and will appreciate you for who you are. You deserve so much better than that. Oh and I'm available!!!! LOL!!!!
LadyofSilkandLace
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by dex69
The guy sounds like an asshole. Just count your blessings and be glad he is no longer a part of you. How well can you really know a person without meeting them in real life anyway? You're better off without him. Find someone who will treat you like the woman you are and will appreciate you for who you are. You deserve so much better than that. Oh and I'm available!!!! LOL!!!!



Hahaha seriously offering?And yeah I knew he was an ass.but the no longer being a part of me...he still is
~LadyOfSilk&Lace25 was here~