I'm fairly new to Lush but experience tells me to try and make sure this post has no spelling and / or grammatical errors, so as not to annoy anyone...so be kind!
I've had some lovely open conversations with people in the chat rooms and privately and I guess that because it's fairly anonymous it allows me to express things, not just sexual, that I wouldn't do in everyday life.
I've begun to wonder whether its healthy to allow others into my innermost thoughts when I don't talk to my Wife about such things? Am I opening up to 'strangers' in a way that I should do so, to my wife?
I know the obvious answer would be to talk more to my wife and to be honest about my desires and kinks, but lets be honest, that's not an easy thing for most people to do and for you folks in America, I'm English so we like to keep any unpure thoughts in a secret box within a cupboard in a boarded up room at the back of our mind!
I've been married fifteen years and adore my wife, but she is not particularly open minded so Lush has given me an outlet to realise I'm not a pervert for still having sexual desires at forty, but has anyone else experienced feelings of guilt from having a secret life on Lush? If so, how do you deal with it?
Hey Humdrum,
Sorry you're feeling a little bit of guilt over your lush profile.
I do understand what you mean: here on lush we're all accepted. You can be kinky. You can be naughty. You can let your inner self out of the box... It's really hard to do that in every day life.
I don't understand why we have been taught from a very young age that sexual desires are something to be ashamed of. They're not. They're natural. But society, and probably your wife don't exactly feel the same way.
There is nothing wrong with having an account here. But chatting with other people, and by letting them in you are not cheating on your wife. You're here to feel normal. And that's important.
I would, however, recommend letting your wife in on some of the things you fantasize about. (I say this with hesitation, since I do not know you and I don't know what it is your fantasizing about or your wife's personality.) Try to let her in slowly. Don't sit her down on the couch one day and say,... "HEY! So I discovered I would really like it if you'd do me in the ass with a strap on, while a midget on a unicycle watches."
That's just going to send her running for the hills. Instead, start by telling her you want to buy a unicycle! (Ok, I'm obviously kidding about this... but you get the point. Baby steps.)
I'm assuming that part of the problem is that you're sex life isn't exactly rocking at home so you are coming here to type out some of your sexual frustration. And in doing so you have discovered many things about your sexual desires and preferences. 15 years is a long time to try to keep a sex life exciting. Talk to her about that first. Maybe there are some 'vanilla' ways that you could spice things up with her at home...(hot oil massage that leads to sex maybe?) get a little bit of the sex life back and as that grows, maybe both of your fantasies could as well.
I'm married, as well.
Face to face is akways more difficult for me. I think you might be viewin it differently. For me, lush was a way for me o become more comfortable with myself. If I'm not comfortable with myself there is no way I'm going to open up a new, vulnerable wound to my husband. Is that wrong? No - that's the way I have always been.
Maybe you should consider it 'getting to know thyself' before you worry about your wife Getting to know that same part of you.
Thank you both for the replies, I think (and obviously this is from a man's point of view) that if a woman sat a man down and told him, her sexual desires or told him she wanted to spice things up in the bedroom, he would be more likely to think "this is great!" Certainly if my wife told me she liked watching porn or that she masturbated to it, I would find that a huge turn on.
However, with those roles reversed, I think the man telling the lady the same thing, she's more likely to feel hurt and betrayed. I certainly think my wife would and the last thing in the world I would want to, would be to make her feel that way.
i mam married, i am here, and been here for a long time!
i do not feel guilt, why, because this is so much fun, and so nice people i have met.
we all have doubts, but then that is what life is all about.
relax, enjoy, go with the flow, and have fun.
I can't say I feel guily. But I get what you mean. I'm about as me as can be here as I would be in person. My only thing is I wish the ones I know IRL could be as open as I know they want to.
I'm not naieve and well aware we all have urges of some sort but social stigmas, no matter where you're from, is what leads to the possible guilt you feel. Do t be ashamed. We are human, we all feel the same urges. Again social stigmas is what really has us conflicting on what we feel guilty of.
I dunno, just my opinion tho. I'm only human and I could be wrong.
My husband knows about this and sometimes joins me On here but he does not know how often i visit lushland or the extent of some of the things i get up to.
This does make me feel guilty sometimes but i am a more sexual women for it so he benefits any way!
This is a safe place to explore sexual thoughts and ensures i will not feel lost within my own desires.
Honesty is the best policy.
She is your partner for life and you should be able to talk to her about everything and anything. You should not assume you know how negatively your wife is going to respond to your sexual feelings. It just may open a whole new door for you, hopefully not out the door.
I find Lush to be an outlet to let my inner most sexual desires come to a front. Enjoy your time here and don't fret to much on it.
I certainly felt guilty when i first joined. I share everything with my wife except for my life on Lush. She is a very private person and does not like any social media sites so she certainly would not like this one.
I too am 40 - nearly, 40th coming soon- and have very different needs in our sex lives these days.
So at first it felt bad but only because it felt like i was somehow living a lie.
Now i'm ok with it and the reason i am ok with it is because i am true and open in my profile and in my posts. I make a point of the fact that i am happily married and i would not be embarrassed if my wife did ever see anything that i wrote. In other words my behaviour online has been and always will be exactly the same as offline. I am flirty yes but true to my friends and to my wife.
I hope this helps in some way as i did feel the same when i first joined.
Absolutely not. I've met some pretty incredible people on here (you know who you are ;) and don't regret joining Lush for one minute.
I'm a very sexual, sensual person and having this outlet is perfect and balances everything out in my life.
I'm single right now so I don't have the added guilt of being unfaithful to my partner, although as some have said that is kind of bogus... really since it helps us open up to things sexually, to explore and become more confident in ourselves, which I'm sure benefits your partner as well ;)
Ok, this is getting long, but that's my two-cents. :P
You're definitely not alone. Welcome to the club. Same age, same guilt when I first joined, and same situation with my wife.
I think Oldfaithful sums it up perfectly. Be honest, be respectful, and there's nothing to feel guilty about. Easier said than done, I know. But trust me, it passes.
Those conversations at home are hard, I know. And that's coming from a guy who used to do transexual phone sex calls in front of his wife. But we've inexplicitly re-pruded since, and we have trouble telling each other what we want.
I think Rebecca's right, you've got to reopen those lines of communication. Baby steps, sure, but get 'em open.
Good luck...to us all.
My latest story is a racy little piece about what happens when someone cute from work invites you over to watch Netflix and Chill. Nope. No guilt here. Bf knows...thats as far as it goes. Nobody's business but mine really.
I actually left Lush through guilt but have now re-joined, as I've come to realise it is healthy for me personally to have a 'safe' environment where I can talk about sex with the opposite sex (and not cross the line in to the physical).
Nope. It's my account and my writing. My partner has an account too, so there would be no point in hiding things from her even if I were inclined to try. I feel great about my using Lush, and as far as I can tell, she does too.
Not guilty. Excited. ;-P
Actually nobody knows about my lush account. ** ssshhhh
I would never feel guilty about doing anything that I love to do
