I'm struggling deciding whether I should come out to a friend and tell him that I'm bi or not. Part of me says just keep it to yourself, the other part wants someone to know. I've known this friend for over 20yrs, we don't hang out much, but we do keep in touch and have lunch or happy hour once in a while to catch up. We are both married and wives know each other, but are not friends, we've probably hung out as couples maybe 3 or 4 times in 20yrs.
He hasn't shown me any indication that he's bi at all, but did confide in me that he had an affair once and that he and his wife no longer have sex. So we've talked about intimate things before. He also told me his son came out to them last year.
I'm attracted to him intellectually, plus it helps that he's good looking too. To be honest, in my fantasies, I'm hoping that it may spark an interest and that we become bi lovers. I've always wanted to play with a real friend ever since my teenage years.
So the question is “Should I tell him I'm bi or not”? what do you guys think?
BTW - Having happy hour with him this Friday.
Cheers!
In my opinion no . I would keep it to yourself . Regardless of being Bi, what you may encourage is a relationship with another whilst in an existing relationship. So in effect you would be cheating on your wife . All I can see from this arrangement is somebody getting hurt and a 20 year relationship at risk .
I would, for one, its obvious you wont rest until you tell someone. If this person is a true friend then he/she would not pass judgment. The Truth will set you free. This is a start, trust me, after telling your friend, you will feel like a Ton has been removed off you, its not like your committing to some crime. Its FEAR. F-alse, E-vidence A-ppearing, R-eal. Go for it sweetie.
Does your wife know your bi?
I have the exact dilemma!
Don't tell your friend, but do tell your wife. I did, and it is soooo much better. I still don't get to run around and have sex with other people, but at least the person I do have sex with knows my innermost feelings and doesn't hold it against me. It took a long time and I had to offer many hints, but eventually we both came to a much warmer and full relationship.
Telling your friend probably will backfire and you want to take that chance after a 20 year friendship? Let him come out to you and if he is interested, he will! Or maybe he will not! You will still have a friend and that is a real good thing to have!
If your wife knows and accepts the possibility that you may wish to act on your instincts, then I don't see a problem, unless your friend turns out to be a closet homophobe. If your wife doesn't even know, tell her first and see if she can love you for who you really are.
Bethany beat me to it once again. Ask yourself whether being honest is a pro or a con. Ask your wife whether she'd be interested in trying an MFM.
Personally I would advise against it in the circumstances you have outlined. I would wait until you become closer friends and perhaps meet more often and get to know his sexual preferences.
First "Is your wife cool with it?" If not, go slow and easy. When you are together, alone, make a statement about gays. If he is positive, just tell him gently that you like hime and you are bi. If negative, back off. No harm dome. If he is positive, go for it.
Veteran Bi Guy
The romantic bi guy.
Stay horny my friend.
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