When you came to know your significant other did you go out of your way to spend time with them?
Call them up often?
Meet their family early on?
Shoot the breeze and talk about random stuff that didn't matter?
Go out of your way to spend time with them as often as possible?
Or do you take a more clinical approach and seek out specific information to see if you were compatible?
How important was it that you were able to figure them out?
I'm asking because this is where I struggle the most when it comes to stories - the relationship beginning and growth without or before sex. In my life - I didn't 'not have sex' - and in fact - I don't recall even 'dating.'
The physical always dominated every relationship first and foremost. . .as a result: I don't know how it's done save for what I've read in stories and seen in movies. . . and I have a feeling it's not that accurate.
This leaves me wondering about a lot of things:
I cannot understand how someone can be a virgin, for example, at the age of 18. How different were their relationships from mine? How different would I have been as a person if sex didn't dominate my life and all the things I do? . . . As a result, none of my characters will ever be virgins.
Or those who aren't virgins, but decide to wait to get to know the person. I can't imagine doing 'things' together and not having sex. It seems impossible for me to do so. Thus, my 'relationship building writing techniques' suck and often, when doing so, the character has sex on the brain 24/7 - though I don't imagine everyone goes around thinking about it like that.
Indeed, sexual appetite and the acceptance of that appetite covers a wide range. When people meet and connect, the attraction normally covers a lot of ground. You may be sexually attracted to someone, but personally attracted as well. Just being with them satisfies that longing, it makes you happy to be there with them, and to see them enjoy being with you. The sexual desire runs hand in hand with that, but you can;t just have sex all day, every day, can you?
(no, seriously, can you?)
If there is a deeper connection than just sexual attraction you WANT to spend time with them, on the phone, in person, chatting about nothing as though silly meaningless unimportant subjects were the most interesting topics ever. As you find out more you find out how they think, how they feel about certain topics, how they react to different situations. It fills out the mystery of WHO they are, and cements the connection.
It's not a chore, or a duty. Its something you want to do, in order to be close to that person.
Hope that helps.
I am very much the same way (but I have enjoyed dating and it was always a part of the relationship). I can't imagine finding another person attractive and wanting to be around them, and NOT wanting to have sex. And frankly if they didn't want to have sex with me, I would worry about things. Sure, there are some people who desire to put off sex until married, and there are other issues as well. But frankly, I don't think I would really be drawn to them for any lasting relationship because sex IS important to me. I do think however, the things people do to get to know each other are the same whether you have sex or not. Sex is only one aspect of the equation.
As for building the characters and relationships for a story, I think it all depends on the length of the story and its intent. Kind of like how I really hate porns that try to be a "movie" or "serious story". I am sorry, that is not why I want to watch a porn film. So keep the "acting" and character building to a minimum, if at all, and let's get to the reason we are all here. ;) Now that does not mean I don't like a good story or novel. I DO! But it depends on what I am wanting, and I tend to like things to be suited for that, not "all purpose".
That brings me to HERE..... I will actually stop reading stories here that have too much build up. I know a lot of gals like that, and that is fine. But I don't read the stories for simple entertainment and to hear a "story", I read them to get sexually aroused and well.... yeah. If I want a "story" I will just read your normal run of the mill book with no sex in it. So depending on what each person is looking for, it may not be a "bad" thing that a story written does NOT have a lot of character interaction and buildup of relationships.
For me i was desperately trying to go out with somone else when i first met my wife. As my mind was very much on someone else we became just good friends for a few months. It was only after i spectacularly failed with the other girl that my wife and i started dating. By then we had already been mates for a while and this was an easy and natural progression for us both.
Hmm - so it seems like everything I did, just without the sex.
Interesting, because I swear that sex was of the highest importance to form a relationship, but I suppose not. Maybe it was of high importance to me, then.
I met someone on a blind date...it was the start of something that was big, then it exploded
Her and her husband lived across the street from a friend of mine, they came over a lot. I got her drunk one night after her husband left, as he had to get up early for work and I seduced her, several times that night, boy she was a good fuck, so I wanted her for myself.
