On another thread we were talking about how drinking affects what a person is willing to do sexually.
I'm not convinced that if my lover does things after drinking that she wouldn't do sober, that she shouldn't be doing them, or shouldn't be drinking, because really she isn't into it.
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pushing sexual limits while drinking
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Quote by bevaire
On another thread we were talking about how drinking affects what a person is willing to do sexually.
I'm not convinced that if my lover does things after drinking that she wouldn't do sober, that she shouldn't be doing them, or shouldn't be drinking, because really she isn't into it.
I know the thread you are talking about but you've phrased the op differently. I think I'd rather post here as the other is vague as to whether he or his wife brings up the subject after a few drinks.
Since the age of 30 I have been totally open with my partners about everything including sex and I've never needed drink to get over any inhibitions. What is the worst a partner can say? No, I don't want to do that or it doesn't interest me! So what, you find something that interests the two of you.
I'm not saying that alcohol hasn't helped if I was doing something I'd agreed to that was out of my comfort zone. The difference being I was sober when we talked about it and I agreed to it.
Anyway it's nice to see a new name in the forums and I look forward to more of your posts. Have fun.
Lovr what dpw said...I mean if you can't do it sober you should nevet do it drunk. Yes one drink and I am a lot more free...but drunk sex is sloppy ...a wee bit yes can loosen u up but if it takes alcohol to get u to do a sexual act...then I say it is a no! Welcome to lush good question!
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NOPE..am NOT gonna be involved in alcoholic sex...NOT my style.
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Quote by dpw
I know the thread you are talking about but you've phrased the op differently. I think I'd rather post here as the other is vague as to whether he or his wife brings up the subject after a few drinks.
Since the age of 30 I have been totally open with my partners about everything including sex and I've never needed drink to get over any inhibitions. What is the worst a partner can say? No, I don't want to do that or it doesn't interest me! So what, you find something that interests the two of you.
I'm not saying that alcohol hasn't helped if I was doing something I'd agreed to that was out of my comfort zone. The difference being I was sober when we talked about it and I agreed to it.
Anyway it's nice to see a new name in the forums and I look forward to more of your posts. Have fun.
I totally agree with this. Me and my partner talk openly about our sexual desires with out the aid of alcohol. We some times have a few drinks to loosen up, but never drunk.
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Quote by CeiranH
If she won't willingly do it sober, then you should not do it when she's even tipsy. End of statement.
You've never picked a girl up at a bar or club and gone back and had sex?
You've never discussed sexual acts with a partner and then she has a couple of drinks to ease nerves?
I'm not talking about taking advantage of a drunken partner, I'm talking about easing nerves or loosening inhibitions.
Quote by dpw
You've never picked a girl up at a bar or club and gone back and had sex?
Never in my life.
Quote by dpw
You've never discussed sexual acts with a partner and then she has a couple of drinks to ease nerves?
Quote by dpw
I'm not talking about taking advantage of a drunken partner, I'm talking about easing nerves or loosening inhibitions.
Yes, alcohol is a great 'release', but there's always the chance that the person can claim coercion. What's said under the influence of ANY recreational drug (alcohol included) cannot be relied upon once the person is sober.
So no, if the person is not willing to even discuss limits of what will be done while 'clean', then it's not going to happen for me.
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Quote by CeiranH
Yes, alcohol is a great 'release', but there's always the chance that the person can claim coercion. What's said under the influence of ANY recreational drug (alcohol included) cannot be relied upon once the person is sober.
So no, if the person is not willing to even discuss limits of what will be done while 'clean', then it's not going to happen for me.
My post said discussed sober, and it's a partner not a pick up.
What about for people who are shy? Do they just not get to procreate?
I for one had my boundaries pushed while tipsy - no regrets whatsoever. I couldn't get there on my own. I'm really glad I had those drinks and found a leader, or it probably would have never happened for me.
I think one key to this question is wanting it. Your too shy to talk about it, but you want it. You can't ask for it, but you want it. Add to that a couple drinks or a smoke and a suggestive partner, and off to the races! Anything wrong with that?
Gotta be others here that moved their sex life with the help of something other than water!! Anyone?
I for one had my boundaries pushed while tipsy - no regrets whatsoever. I couldn't get there on my own. I'm really glad I had those drinks and found a leader, or it probably would have never happened for me.
I think one key to this question is wanting it. Your too shy to talk about it, but you want it. You can't ask for it, but you want it. Add to that a couple drinks or a smoke and a suggestive partner, and off to the races! Anything wrong with that?
Gotta be others here that moved their sex life with the help of something other than water!! Anyone?
If it's needed for you, then you have my sympathies. Getting past shyness is something everyone should strive for...sober.
Of course, in my particular life-style being shy about your wants and needs is usually something weeded out fairly soon.
@DPW: The way me and my girls play, you never do so under the influence...ever. You're either both clean or it doesn't happen.
@Bevaire: The last two words of my previous post says it all - 'For me' - I do hope you can move beyond the needed loosening of alcohol to remove your shyness.
Of course, in my particular life-style being shy about your wants and needs is usually something weeded out fairly soon.
@DPW: The way me and my girls play, you never do so under the influence...ever. You're either both clean or it doesn't happen.
@Bevaire: The last two words of my previous post says it all - 'For me' - I do hope you can move beyond the needed loosening of alcohol to remove your shyness.
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Quote by bevaire
On another thread we were talking about how drinking affects what a person is willing to do sexually.
I'm not convinced that if my lover does things after drinking that she wouldn't do sober, that she shouldn't be doing them, or shouldn't be drinking, because really she isn't into it.
I think there are couple big distinction to note here. You're talking about your lover, presumably a lover you've been with long enough to know her likes and dislikes. If you're with a woman for a while and you KNOW that she is vehemently opposed to anal sex, you've discussed it numerous times and she finds it gross, painful, or disrespectful.. or any combination of those things, and then one night when she is completely trashed and decides she wants to take it up the ass; you her lover know better and should refrain.
Another distinction is if you've just met a woman at a bar, which happens millions of times a week, and you go somewhere more private.. if she's so drunk that she can't consent to anything then that's .
But, if you're with a new lover or just met someone and she's not drunk, but a glass or two of wine has made it easier for her to "loosen" herself up... while still having full control of her faculties, if she (or he) wants to fuck.... go for it. Some people need a little bit of liquid courage, doesn't mean they can't have sex because they aren't capable of consent.
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Quote by CeiranH
If it's needed for you, then you have my sympathies. Getting past shyness is something everyone should strive for...sober.
Of course, in my particular life-style being shy about your wants and needs is usually something weeded out fairly soon.
@DPW: The way me and my girls play, you never do so under the influence...ever. You're either both clean or it doesn't happen.
@Bevaire: The last two words of my previous post says it all - 'For me' - I do hope you can move beyond the needed loosening of alcohol to remove your shyness.
I hate to burst your idealistic bubble but you can preach all you want about doing all of these things sober until you are blue in the face.... Fact is all over the world a couple of drinks helps people relax, even with people they are married to. Don't push your drinking intolerance on to others, that is why we have so many graves of soldiers who died for our freedom in this country. So that we can choose.... Just saying, be careful how you write it, your opinions are respected, don't push them though
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I have no issues with using alcohol to loosen a person up or help them get "courage" to do something (as others have also stated) they WANT to do but maybe could not get the courage to do. But I do have a problem if the act is done in a total drunken condition and you know the person would NEVER even consider it if sober.
I think some people have taken what I said in an entirely negative light and I apologize for coming across as some type of teetotaler.
Personally - ME - I will not accept discussion about what/when/where with someone who has had drinks. Alcohol affects each person differently, I can have a couple glasses of wine and not be affected much. One of my girls get's tipsy on half a glass.
Yes, I do wish more could be open with out it, but I also realize that some cannot - I feel a bit sorry about that, but understand the perceived need at times.
Personally - ME - I will not accept discussion about what/when/where with someone who has had drinks. Alcohol affects each person differently, I can have a couple glasses of wine and not be affected much. One of my girls get's tipsy on half a glass.
Yes, I do wish more could be open with out it, but I also realize that some cannot - I feel a bit sorry about that, but understand the perceived need at times.
A lot of interlocking matters of degree here... A couple drinks v.s. smashed. Pick up v.s. partner. Taking advantage v.s. mutual exploring. And how far beyond the boundary?
These should absolutely be defined before suggesting any hard rules. I doubt anyone's condoning , or taking advantage of a person that can't think. We need to explore every one of these matters of degree before giving advice to a casual enquirer.
I hope the guy who could have explored pushing the boundaries with his wife is still around to read this, rather than going off and repressing this possibly mutual desire for the next 20 years. I truly believe we humans would still be in caves if it weren't for a bit of natural encouragement.
These should absolutely be defined before suggesting any hard rules. I doubt anyone's condoning , or taking advantage of a person that can't think. We need to explore every one of these matters of degree before giving advice to a casual enquirer.
I hope the guy who could have explored pushing the boundaries with his wife is still around to read this, rather than going off and repressing this possibly mutual desire for the next 20 years. I truly believe we humans would still be in caves if it weren't for a bit of natural encouragement.
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Quote by kornslayer1
If you do bring drinks into it, then there must be a limit. After that limit, it's just different, and meaningless the next day. Call me crazy.
You're crazy!
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Quote by lafayettemister
I think there are couple big distinction to note here. You're talking about your lover, presumably a lover you've been with long enough to know her likes and dislikes. If you're with a woman for a while and you KNOW that she is vehemently opposed to anal sex, you've discussed it numerous times and she finds it gross, painful, or disrespectful.. or any combination of those things, and then one night when she is completely trashed and decides she wants to take it up the ass; you her lover know better and should refrain.
Another distinction is if you've just met a woman at a bar, which happens millions of times a week, and you go somewhere more private.. if she's so drunk that she can't consent to anything then that's .
But, if you're with a new lover or just met someone and she's not drunk, but a glass or two of wine has made it easier for her to "loosen" herself up... while still having full control of her faculties, if she (or he) wants to fuck.... go for it. Some people need a little bit of liquid courage, doesn't mean they can't have sex because they aren't capable of consent.
I think lafayettemister broke it down perfectly. It isn't exactly black and white. All I have to say is that if you know for a fact that your partner wouldn't do something whilst sober, I would tread VERY carefully in fulfilling that fantasy whilst she's intoxicated regardless to what degree. I think, at the very least, there should be some serious discussion about it.
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Besides, isn't the next-morning guilt of a woman the absolutely worst thing imaginable? Imagine fulfilling your greatest fantasy with a boss, co-worker, neighbor, crush etc, and then the next morning they're not very proud of what they did with you the night before because of their so-called loosened state of mind...
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Quote by RichInMich
Besides, isn't the next-morning guilt of a woman the absolutely worst thing imaginable?
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