My wife is in her 50s and hitting her kinky full stride (or at least things that have not been the norm for the past 20+ years of marriage). I am praying I can stay alongside for the ride. So far there have only been a few bumps in the road where I lost traction which is what brings me here.
I would appreciate any insights and advice from females, males, and especially couples who care to share their experiences.
I am looking for crazy things ladies ask of their men sexually.
Ladies, why did you ask it of him? How did you help him get comfortable with your requests? How did it turn out? Was it what you expected? How could you make the experience easier or better?
Men, how did you feel, respond, what were your thoughts on what your lady asked of you? How did you go about doing it? If it was out of your comfort zone, how did you overcome it?
It doesn't matter what it is she wants to do. If she wants to do it with you, get over any problems you have and just, "Do It". I do not know your wife but some will look other places to fulfill deep desires. If that's OK with both of you, enjoy that.
Trust is probably the biggest issue. If that's there all else is possible. Courtesy and consideration are big things. Respect each other and who you are.
Talk to each other and work out anything that you or she is uncomfortable with. If there's something that looks like a deal breaker, talk about it and when you do, "LISTEN TO EACH OTHER!"
Equality and partnership. Neither is in charge unless both agree and then it should last only as long as the agreement was for.
My wife was not very kinky. She asked for little outside what would be considered "Normal" sex but she absolutely screwed my brains out for 38 plus years. Now it's different.
I agreed to everything she ever asked but I could never have gotten into any heavy BDSM. I am so adamantly against any kind of brutality that I just won't. She never wanted that though.
Good luck, you are one very lucky dude right now, and NEVER think otherwise.
Sound advice, LASAR.
I've always been on the sexually adventurous side and tried to pull out the kinky and exploratory side out of all of my partners. While I've done things in the past that don't interest me anymore, I have no regrets. There's a handful of things that were only worth trying once, but many things that seemed taboo before are now routine for me. My wife is not adventurous at all. Heck, when I ask her about her fantasies it's about as vanilla as it gets. But that doesn't mean I haven't normalized some things that are outside the mainstream. She feels lost 69'ing with me unless she has a toy to use in my ass, when she's on her period she pegs me instead, and once in a while she craves a weekend of debochery in a hotel that has to be satisfied even if it's just down the road.
Try to keep an open mind and let her play. Try to generate some ideas of your own. Keep the communication flowing and let her know when you need a break vs bringing everything to a halt. Sometimes you just need to wrap your head around new experiences just like catching your breath during a workout. Be kind to you.
“But that doesn't mean I haven't normalized some things that are outside the mainstream.”
Yes based on what you do over and over again over time becomes what is normal and after 20+ years we had a routine that was definitely our norm.
“She feels lost 69'ing with me unless she has a toy to use in my ass,”
How so? How or why does she feel lost? And how did this all come about?
“when she's on her period she pegs me instead,”
We also have also done alternative things when my wife is that way. That is usually when we broadened our horizons. I know the things we have done and do would seem simple or plain to most but it was where our relationship took us.
“and once in a while she craves a weekend of debauchery in a hotel that has to be satisfied even if it's just down the road.”
If I may ask, what exactly did that entail? I have no idea what other wives are capable and I have a feeling I better learn quickly to prepare myself.
“Sometimes you just need to wrap your head around new experiences just like catching your breath during a workout.”
EXACTLY!!! I am still trying to catch my breath.
As I mentioned the following is new for my wife over the past year. Amazing as far as a man’s point of view but still took some getting used to since none of it had ever happened to this level, especially the usage of media.
[New for her this past year: masturbation, sex toy play, exhibitionism, more oral oooohhh the oral. Obviously what husband can't be comfortable with this. Then moving into this year she begin to add more and when I am out of town I come home to new collections of vids and pics (again what husband wouldn't love this). She even sends me text, pics, and clips of it all. Holy moly a guy could injure himself with all the stimulus she provides.]
Thank goodness all of the above was a progression and I was able to catch my breath to get used to some of the “new her.” I married a simple woman (beautiful but simple sexually) and grew accustomed to our ways. I am welcoming the new sex but it is a bit overwhelming and often embarrassing. I do not know why but getting a picture on my phone out of the blue of my wife spread eagle with a large toy shoved in her (though I love it) can turn me beet red. And when I am in the hotel room clicking on a clip she attached, I am all alone and even then it can make my blush.
Crazy! I am a grown man married over 20 years, I see my wife nude all the time, bathing, dressing/undressing, laying around, walking around, when making love. Why on earth do I now feel so blasted off kilter? The same goes opposite, my wife has seen me nude as often and somehow now I find myself apprehensive getting hard in front of her when she is going at it with her new found sex drive.
My wife is a pleaser. Frankly, we both are despite the fact that most of our lives have been with people who took but seldom gave back. I can't tell you how much I appreciate a partner who will just do the simple stuff, like offer to get me a drink when she gets home and I'm already crashed out on the couch. Well, that eagerness to please goes into the bedroom, too. Her quick adaptation to my kinkier side emerged out of her excitement at the thought of making me happy. While she had never had so much as a finger up a man's ass before, now she wants a toy within reach so she can take me to that next level.
She's still a shy person in the bedroom, but she's opened new doors and become comfortable with what's inside. You're taking steps down the hallway, just take a look around, enjoy the scenery and realize that there's a very good chance no permanent injuries will come of all this. Continue to take pauses, talk about what freaks you out, and absorb the good stuff into your life and routine.
Good for you. Use whatever tools you need to get what you need. Just never hurt anyone in the process. I'm talking emotional hurt, that's the hardest to get over.
Go take some acting lessons. That can be fun as a couple too. Join a local little theater group and they usually give lessons. Some it's just listening to the director and trying to get rid of the ego part of you that wants to run it all and show how smart you are. There's a book by Robert Morris called Being and Doing.
Most actors that are new think they have to do something. That's wrong, you have to become what you want to portray at some level to do it right. It's called, "Suspension of Disbelief" and every competent actor has to accomplish that or you go away unhappy. At some level they have to make you accept what they're telling you.
I do that in my entire life and it makes dealing with all those fucking things that slam into me a jolt easier.
Write a story about it then write a story about it, after you did it. Don't use the first as a basis for the second. Start a new one then compare them. It's really wild.
I truly do not believe in luck so, I wish you all the best with this.
Glad you had a good weekend. When you mentioned a weekend of unbridled sex I figured you already gone off the kinky cliff. We only get out the horse tack for the really kinky stuff; otherwise the bridle stays in the barn.
Just having a bit of fun (puns intended).
