Me and my girl have been together for a year. And I love her more than one loved anyone I'm my entire life. I could never love someone as much as I do towards her. I plan on spending my whole life with her. She's beautiful and caring and I love her unconditionally.
But, I can't shake the urge to want to have meaningless sex with random women. I haven't acted on these, but it gets harder and harder. I don't want to get involved with anyone, Just want to have hot dirty sex with strangers like I used to.
Just want some opinions. I'll probably get A LOT of hate, but I just wanna see.
You are young, this is the time of your life...as much as you may love your girl, just sounds like you met her too soon and you aren't ready to settle down just yet. You are not wrong for that...however, you would be if you act on it. If you truly loved her, she would be enough for you. If you feel the need to screw around, love her enough to let her go and not be so selfish. Just my 2cents. Good luck!!!
You might be a shitty person, but not for this reason. Talk to her and let her know how you feel, if she loves you she will respect you and lesson. She might not like it and you may never fulfill this urge, but take it from me, as a man you might always have this urge, how you handle this makes you the man she can love or not. I want you to think about this way, hot dirty sex will only last for a short time, the love you have with her can last forever. Be strong for her or cheap and shitty and change your life with her forever. IN MY OPINION NOT WORTH IT!!
There's a reason your name is DocterLove. I just need to learn to push the urge aside. I've never wanted to send my entire life with someone before, and I'm trying my hardest not to fuck it up
DoubleDs, she does fulfill my needs and my every fantasy. I just think I miss the adrenaline rush you get when fooling around with a stranger.
we all have that fantasy but most of us get over it
I have no idea whether you are a shitty person or not, I rather doubt it. But if your relationship with your girlfriend is that important to you then this is where self-discipline and self-control comes in
Everyone has urges and desires, its perfectly normal, but, you need to ask yourself if one night of hot dirty sex with a stranger is worth jeopardising the loving secure relationship that you have with your girlfriend. Most people go through a lifetime searching for what you have with your girlfriend and a few never attain it. If you act on your urge you will be satisfied only momentarily, but, if you do, you will have a lifetime of regret and heartbreak if your girlfriend ever found out.
Kahlil Gibran said if we compared both our faults and virtues with others, collectively, we'd all only laugh at our lack of originality. But as for your quality as a human being..... well, you wouldn't be the first person to cheat if you follow your sexual impulses to have sex with others, it's inevitable to desire others, but if you're both in a committed relationship, obviously you'd be shattering your relationship with your lady, whether she knows it or not. You just have to decide which is more important. Your sexual fulfillment or your relationship with her. If you do decide on the former, then at least man up enough to tell her first and go your separate ways rather than betray her trust. You might break her heart, but at least you'll have kept faith with her while together. Good luck with it either way.
A shitty person wouldn't be asking for help with this. He'd just go out and fuck around and not care whether he was a shitty person or not. I understand and empathize with that need to sleep around. New sex is a wonderful thing, and who knows... maybe your girlfriend would enjoy the same freedom. I speak from experience because I am in an open relationship and it has worked out amazingly well, but you need to get on the same page with this, and that requires a LOT of discussion and TRUST! Are you willing to give your girlfriend the same freedom to sleep with random men? Find a way to broach the subject, just to find out her reaction, without sounding like its already a position you're committed to. My boyfriend was the one who first asked me if I'd enjoy sleeping with a couple of his friends, and after a lot of talking about it, I agreed. Who knows! Your girlfriend may be as open-minded too. But be warned... she might get a lot more outside sex than you do! Can you handle that?
...or, you can be a good boy, and keep it in your pants!
Well, No Hate whatsoever!!!!!! (I would expect nothing less from this group...)
But your dilemma is a common one for men and women both... To HAVE these feelings does not in any way make you a 'shitty person'... To CHEAT on a girl you love really does... I'm a Middle Aged man, the ONLY regrets I have are those where I DEEPLY hurt women, (note the plural) I really cared about... And I DID... QUITE KNOWINGLY AND DELIBERATELY... Far too often for my actions to be excused as folly... When it FEELS wrong it usually is, (despite the fleeting pleasure) and the pain caused to a trusting lover, in my experience, is really not worth a transitory pleasure...
(And you NEVER think that at the time... You think that when she's packing her stuff and leaving you as you say, "Oh, HANG ON A MINUTE!!!!!") They usually don't...
My turning your query around was not meant to be in any way hurtful or arch... But we often think THE RULES don't really apply to us in certain circumstances... ("It meant NOTHING, it's JUST sex, It Didn't MEAN anything...") And funnily enough that's often true... FOR YOU.... Perhaps not so much for the person who trusted and loved you and expected better from you... The person you've hurt, who's confidence and self-worth you've PISSED on, the person who would NEVER have done that to you...
Yet everybody has the feelings you describe... So how does ANYONE stay faithful?
For myself, and MY GOD IT CAME TO ME SO LATE, it was the realization that SHE has the same feelings, desires, FRUSTRATIONS, boredoms and 'mehs!' *laughs!* as I HAVE... So REALIZE that your lover, in a sexual way, has many dimensions... She's NOT just ONE GIRL...
My current girl and I play all sorts of FRANKLY STUPID role-plays BUT, (and humor is ESSENTIAL here!) it can be a whole lot of fun.... (An example, and my Miss is a girl who matches me in appetite... To play ourselves as Younger Versions... In that I'm the horny boyfriend and she's the Good Girl who'll only go So Far... Or will she??? Or she's a Call Girl and I'm her trick, or we're just two married people who meet in a bar...)
It may well be that you are TRULY not ready to settle down... but if your feelings for your lady are as you describe... Well, that happens Less Often than all of us might wish it did... Tread Carefully... Good Luck.
xx Steph
Thanks for all the advice. I really appreciate it. Didn't think I was gonna get so much feedback.
I'm just gonna work on pushing feelings aside because she's the most important thing in the world to me and I don't know what I'd do without her. .......btw, item relationship would never happen, she gets jealous very quickly lol
I'll just stick to having fun in here. She doesn't mind me being on here.
Before I met my wife my average relationship lasted about six week. I liked variety. When I met my wife I knew she was the love of my life and I knew she wouldn't tolerate me screwing around. Temptation is everywhere but I've been faithful to her for the last two and a half decades.
I guess it takes self discipline (which isn't something that comes naturally to me). If you want something bad enough would have give up other things.
I really appreciate your question and your dilemma. You are very young being only 21. You've also grown up in an age of constant hyper sexuality. Your generation has seen more pornography, more nudity and sex acts of styles and types that were un-imagined, by the vast majority of the population, just a few decades ago. Does all of this "information" have consequences? Does a constant porn-high impact relationships, or merely make you a better lover/partner/spouse.
To your own self be true. At times those are very tough words. If at your core you know yourself to be a one gal type of guy then acting contrary to your belief will be unfulfilling. An unfulfilled life is not a particularly healthy place and is often demonstrated by chaos: broken relationships, problems with career, loss of friendships and hurting the people who are closest to you.
Even if you can accept that you are in fact a one gal type of guy that doesn't mean that separating yourself from the perceived thrill of hyper sexuality is any easier to part with. I do think that discussing the totality of your sexuality with your girlfriend is hugely important (and to be clear, it does not seem that such currently includes an ultimatum that she has to agree to you having multiple partners or else you are done, rather that you feel yourself having a compulsion to pursue that because of your history). If the two of you can actually discuss this most important matter than you know that your relationship is on a healthy footing. Naturally having a full discussion doesn't mean that the two of you are going to agree on the outcome, but at least you will know each other much better and be able to grow from there. Peace, g.
You need to address your feelings ASAP. Don't lead her on because you don't want to hurt her because you'll do just that. I don't know how to better help you but if you love her like you stated then don't keep on bullshitting her around!
