This post is not a question. I guess it's more of a musing that I'm putting forth for your consumption. These are things that have probably been said thousands of times, including probably several times somewhere in the history of this very forum. I don't think I have anything terribly original to say about anything, really. But nonetheless, it's something that's been rolling around in my head for a while, slowly tumbling the unintelligible sharp points, and now hopefully honed into something that's coherent.
So, feel free to agree or disagree. I don't claim to be "right" or to claim any sort of authority, it's just the way I see things based on my own experience, and this seems to be a decent place to air it.
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Why aren't we- not just at Lush, but everywhere in society- more "real" about how physical appearance affects the way we interact? I've come to understand that even discussing how the standards are different for attractive(or, "hot", or "beautiful", or "handsome", or aesthetically pleasing synonym you want to use) people is different based on who's talking about it. If it's somebody who is considered attractive by many, then it's taken as an unnecessary reminder of this double standard; 'scoreboarding' at the expense of everyone else. If it's somebody that's considered less attractive, then it's perceived as whining. Neither constitute any sort of serious discussion of it, though, nor does it negate the objective truth of the matter.
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Confession: I'm complimented often on my physical appearance. I try not to internalize it, for fear that I'd become some sort of snotty, Regina George disciple, though when I think about it, I know that's not who I am or how I handle things. I don't really even know what it would mean to intentionally 'internalize' a compliment. But to some extent, none of us can help but be affected by other people's reactions to our appearance. Why? Because it's front-and-center all the time, it affects everything, and even dictates some things. So even though (or, especially because) I consciously try to not let compliments "go to my head", I'm always very self-aware.
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I know what the so-called membership advantages tend to be for attractive people: people pay closer attention to you, they laugh at shit you say that's not funny (and sometimes at things that aren't even jokes, for fear that maybe it was, and thus they figure a laugh is what's appropriate), and in general, you get credit for being more interesting than you really are. People try to ingratiate for no concrete reason (yes, sometimes they want sex, but sometimes you know this isn't the case).
Then there are the negatives: It will be assumed that any gains you have are somehow ill-gotten, unearned, and due solely to your "looks." You can never be recognized for any skill without a qualifier which mentions your appearance. People will lack compassion and empathy toward you, and hold you to a higher standard. Hardships aren't recognized, because attractive people supposedly have no grounds to complain about anything. Some people will decide to hate you for no reason. They'll be inexplicably adversarial, and for a moment you wonder what you might have done, or what they might have heard about you, until you realize that it's really not about anything personal, because you've seen it before. That person is simply projecting a negative experience with some other female onto you, and the crime is 'being attractive'.
Quick example: page 3 of this thread. Look at 1Ball, with his 'many women are shallow parasites' rant. He would be (and almost certainly will be) quick to point out that he didn't make any comment about attractiveness, but that will be dog-whistle debating at it's best. The inference is clear: "the hot, shallow bitches aren't worth your time, so stop chasing them." It's as if attractive people are somehow predisposed to be manipulative, selfish, shallow, and Machiavellian, all the time.
I totally agree about shallow people in general, by the way- and that's regardless of gender. What I'm talking about is a wholesale, albeit sometimes subconscious, judgment of a girl's intentions and personality based on nothing more than appearance.
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Of course, it doesn't stop with how others treat you, and because one can't help but be affected by it, you can't even think about things without questioning yourself. "Did I actually do something? Am I took quick to assume that I did nothing? Am I acting like a distant ice queen and don't know it? Am I actually undeserving of this thing that I think I've earned? Am I an idiot/bitch/unreasonable person without realizing it, because the subtle social clues, which would normally tip me off to reality, aren't being offered?"
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Okay...so my thoughts aren't as well-structured as I thought. It's more of a ramble. If we had a 'ramble cage', that's where this would go.
But I guess all of this is to say: Isn't a trend of interaction changing based on appearance every bit is as problematic as- and way more common than- being treated differently based on gender or race? Now, granted, the worst-case scenarios of institutional bigotry and worse don't apply, but that doesn't make it any less wrong in practice. Yet, I wonder if there's any way to deprogram ourselves to the point where it doesn't happen. Is expecting everyone to be treated equally an unreasonable and naive expectation, given that much of what I'm talking about happens involuntarily? I'm thinking this is the case, but I still wonder.
Also, is there anything about human interaction that's not affected by physical appearance?
To state these things feels like one big "captain obvious" venture, but on the other hand, are we so resigned to these double-standards that we're unwilling to even acknowledge and discuss them? All experiences and comments welcome. And if not- thanks for letting me waste your time LOL. Sorry that I can't refund it to you.
Artistic Tart
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