Join the best erotica focused adult social network now
Login

What in your opinion is the difference between a Daddy and a Master

last reply
21 replies
3.2k views
0 watchers
0 likes
mixedbabygirl
Rookie Scribe
0 likes
I've been asked this question several times by people newer to the lifestyle and no my opinion but I'd be interested in knowing the opinion of other seasoned Dominants and Submissives
Guest
Lurker
0 likes
Like many things in BDSM things are not always clearly one way or the other. A Daddy can be a mentor OR a Master. Daddies fill more than one role even in the possessive. Also Daddy Doms are often referred to as Sensual Doms. They too can be one and the same, OR different. What truly defines each is not just the titles, but the dynamic between the couple. Far too often people get too caught up in wanting to overly define roles or terms. I prefer to use the terms as more of a broad classification to help initially identify an overall "type" of role, but not fix it to a rigid parameter.
Master_Jonathan
Active Ink Slinger
0 likes
Like JohnC said, what you call each other is an individual thing and there really is no clearcut rules as to what defines each role. I know some women prefer to be called submissives than slaves because the word slave leaves a nasty taste in their mouth. Does that make them any more or less submissive?
I don't play the DaddyDom thing because I don't want to see My girl in little girls clothing. I want an adult submissive. That is My preference and that of My girl as well. But that doesn't make it right or wrong. Some people do like the DaddyDom role and to each his or her own.

D/s and BDSM are types of lifestyles that can and should be "customized" to fit the individuals participating. Don't get so hung up on titles that you lose sight of what you are there for. To enjoy each other. It doesn't matter if you are a Master, A Dom, A Daddy, or Sir. Nor does it matter if you are a submissive, a slave, a SAM or a Brat. What you are to each other is what's important.
Guest
Lurker
0 likes
He brings up some other good points. But I have to clarify one thing, not all Daddy Doms are into "age play". Not all Daddy Doms have "littles". I admit thought that this imagery is often thought of first when the term is used. It is also why I tend to avoid using it in general public. A Daddy Dom can (and often does) have "adult" submissives. For many the role is simply one of a mental distinction between a more mature Dom and His more tender and "youthful" (mentally) submissive and His desire to protect in a more caring way than what may be perceived in other types of Doms.

Like I pointed out above, Daddy Dom and Sensual Dom can often (and often are) interchangeable. And it does not, for a great many, hinge on the submissive wearing little girl clothing or being a "little". And even if they are, that dynamic does not center on (another misconception that is out there). There are cultures (Hispanic for one) that use the term Daddy or Poppy as a title for the more mature partner in a caring and loving relationship. Age play or reverting isn't part of the dynamic.
WeldonPerv
Rookie Scribe
0 likes
I see myself as a Daddy Dom to my little and she addresses me as Daddy and I her with terms like little one and baby girl. I think for me I view a Master as being more terse and severe perhaps but as a Daddy there is a strong element of caring and gentleness that I perceive as being less in a Master scenario. That is not to say that Masters do not care for their submissive counterparts at all. I think it is really a difference in how that care is expressed.
mixedbabygirl
Rookie Scribe
0 likes
Thanks all as a submissive with my own view on the terminology it's not to hear a Dom's point of view I agree with JohnC because I call my Dom Daddy but we are most definetely not interested in the little girl age play as we already get enough of the weird looks with our realistic age difference but I have had harder Dom's before him and they were Master not Daddy does that make him any less a Dom no but a different kind it's just difficult to explain to other curious would be submissives because you're right no one D/S relationship fits any sort of mold
Guest
Lurker
0 likes
Can a woman chime in? I had a Master and Daddy and he tried every dynamic but I failed. I believe a Master is different from a Daddy because the language is different and the need is different.

But that is my experience alone and perhaps other people have other experiences.
Guest
Lurker
0 likes
Quote by NickiC
Can a woman chime in? I had a Master and Daddy and he tried every dynamic but I failed. I believe a Master is different from a Daddy because the language is different and the need is different.

But that is my experience alone and perhaps other people have other experiences.

I think it is semantics. The same as a Master can be a Sensual Dom or a more "hard" type. They are both "Masters". Does a Master stop being a Master if you call him "Sir"? No. Neither does a Daddy stop being a Master because you simply call him Daddy.

BUT... you can be a Daddy and NOT be a Master, but instead be a Mentor. The same as you can call a Mentor, Sir. The dynamic dictates, not the title in itself. And with "Daddy" I believe it has a wider range of uses than some other titles. Kind of like Sir does.

I believe the dynamic may have failed because it was not what the both of you needed. But the D/s roles were not any less Master/sub, D/s, or however folks want to express it. The dynamic was just not fitting a particular need.... kind of like buying the wrong car. If you buy a car that is too small for your needs it didn't stop BEING a car. You just needed a bigger car. ;)

And heck, not all dynamics work between people even if they are looking for and needing the same things. More than roles, titles, and dynamics need to match. YOU DO. It is kind of like saying "I love redheads who are chubby!". That does not mean every chubby redhead will be a match for you. And if a relationship fails, it did not mean what you both were not what you were; the relationship just failed.

Also not all D/s relationships are suited for Daddy/babygirl or Sensual Dom/sub (which is still Maser/sub). Maybe the dynamic was just off and you needed a different type of control? That does not make a Daddy any less of a Master, it just makes Him not the TYPE of control you need. SM has even harsher control and dynamics. Would those in an SM relationship think anything other than that hard of a dynamic is less of a Master? I don't think so.. or I would hope not. Because they are not.

On another note, but related.... I don't believe it is proper to use the term Master if you do not have a sub dedicated to you. I see many Doms online use the term Master, but then state they are looking for a sub/babygirl/slave/etc. I do not believe you ARE a Master unless you are actually in that role. You are simply a Dom. And IMO the same goes for slaves. You can't BE a slave unless you have a Master. It may be the role you like to take, but until you are owned, you are simply a free agent, or sub.

But that is how I see it... others may view it differently.
mixedbabygirl
Rookie Scribe
0 likes
Quote by JohnC

I think it is semantics. The same as a Master can be a Sensual Dom or a more "hard" type. They are both "Masters". Does a Master stop being a Master if you call him "Sir"? No. Neither does a Daddy stop being a Master because you simply call him Daddy.

BUT... you can be a Daddy and NOT be a Master, but instead be a Mentor. The same as you can call a Mentor, Sir. The dynamic dictates, not the title in itself. And with "Daddy" I believe it has a wider range of uses than some other titles. Kind of like Sir does.

I believe the dynamic may have failed because it was not what the both of you needed. But the D/s roles were not any less Master/sub, D/s, or however folks want to express it. The dynamic was just not fitting a particular need.... kind of like buying the wrong car. If you buy a car that is too small for your needs it didn't stop BEING a car. You just needed a bigger car. ;)

And heck, not all dynamics work between people even if they are looking for and needing the same things. More than roles, titles, and dynamics need to match. YOU DO. It is kind of like saying "I love redheads who are chubby!". That does not mean every chubby redhead will be a match for you. And if a relationship fails, it did not mean what you both were not what you were; the relationship just failed.

Also not all D/s relationships are suited for Daddy/babygirl or Sensual Dom/sub (which is still Maser/sub). Maybe the dynamic was just off and you needed a different type of control? That does not make a Daddy any less of a Master, it just makes Him not the TYPE of control you need. SM has even harsher control and dynamics. Would those in an SM relationship think anything other than that hard of a dynamic is less of a Master? I don't think so.. or I would hope not. Because they are not.

On another note, but related.... I don't believe it is proper to use the term Master if you do not have a sub dedicated to you. I see many Doms online use the term Master, but then state they are looking for a sub/babygirl/slave/etc. I do not believe you ARE a Master unless you are actually in that role. You are simply a Dom. And IMO the same goes for slaves. You can't BE a slave unless you have a Master. It may be the role you like to take, but until you are owned, you are simply a free agent, or sub.

But that is how I see it... others may view it differently.




I agree with you JohnC on your other note I am an owned sub but receive dozens of messages a day from Master's who want to own me. I agree with you if you do not currently own a sub you are not a Master and if you accept another Master's sloppy second you are definitely not a Master i have been in D/S relationships before where I was allowed to play with permission without my Master but never ever was I to call another man sir or master or daddy or submit to whoever I was playing with
CupcakeDrizzle
Advanced Wordsmith
0 likes
I'd say there is really no clear definition or distinction unless the people involved give it one. I've never understood why things always have to have a specific label or a set specifications to each role. It'll change with every relationship you come across. It's not cut and dry...we all make it our own.
Guest
Lurker
0 likes
Quote by mixedbabygirl




I agree with you JohnC on your other note I am an owned sub but receive dozens of messages a day from Master's who want to own me. I agree with you if you do not currently own a sub you are not a Master and if you accept another Master's sloppy second you are definitely not a Master i have been in D/S relationships before where I was allowed to play with permission without my Master but never ever was I to call another man sir or master or daddy or submit to whoever I was playing with

Titles sometimes have more than one meaning though. Calling another man Sir, when he is not your Daddy or Master is not disrespectful to your Dom. It is a title of respect, and it can be said by anyone. For instance, outside the D/s world, I am quite often called Sir by both males and females. When people contact me here, I have been called Sir by both male and female. And I am often called Sir by subs who are my friends, or in general. I am A "Sir" not "THEIR" Sir.

Master on the other hand does not have that same ability.

Daddy CAN have the multiple use, but it is a bit trickier. In my opinion if the Daddy is a MENTOR and He is not currently in a relationship, then calling him Daddy is fine. If he IS in a relationship with another sub, IMO you should seek her permission before calling him Daddy and the mentor relationship should be known and agreed to by all parties.

Master on the other hand.... like I have posted, is only to be used by a couple in a relationship. It is not a casual greeting or show of respect.

As for playing with others..... that is between the D and s and their agreement and dynamic. Some relationships allow it (and even command it), and others do not. It is yet another thing which both parties MUST be on the same sheet of music and agreement on . Not forced or with reservations, but clear willing agreement.
Guest
Lurker
0 likes
Quote by JohnC

Titles sometimes have more than one meaning though. Calling another man Sir, when he is not your Daddy or Master is not disrespectful to your Dom. It is a title of respect, and it can be said by anyone. For instance, outside the D/s world, I am quite often called Sir by both males and females. When people contact me here, I have been called Sir by both male and female. And I am often called Sir by subs who are my friends, or in general. I am A "Sir" not "THEIR" Sir.

Master on the other hand does not have that same ability.

Daddy CAN have the multiple use, but it is a bit trickier. In my opinion if the Daddy is a MENTOR and He is not currently in a relationship, then calling him Daddy is fine. If he IS in a relationship with another sub, IMO you should seek her permission before calling him Daddy and the mentor relationship should be known and agreed to by all parties.

Master on the other hand.... like I have posted, is only to be used by a couple in a relationship. It is not a casual greeting or show of respect.

As for playing with others..... that is between the D and s and their agreement and dynamic. Some relationships allow it (and even command it), and others do not. It is yet another thing which both parties MUST be on the same sheet of music and agreement on . Not forced or with reservations, but clear willing agreement.


I have to agree with some of this.

While being called Sir is a measure of respect, I do not let any but my two call me that. It's a special thing between us.

I do not consider myself a 'Master', as my pair are not live-in. That would be the deciding factor for me, even though we do have contracts and they "belong" to me.

As you've said, a Daddy could very well be a mentor, but I'm a bit uneasy in having the term used in that manner. To me, a Daddy would be someone involved in a certain type of relationship with his sub, one that I personally would never have.

As to playing outside the relationship. My two understand and even approve and I let them sometimes have their freedom - with certain select individuals. That freedom for me is what brought my second sub 'T' into my and 'B's' lives. They have become not just 'slut-sisters', but also good friends outside the environment of D/s - they're room-mates now, sharing an apartment.

But, as you say, it's up to the pair whether they will allow it and as in all things relating to our little world, negotiation and consent rule.
Guest
Lurker
0 likes
Quote by CeiranH


I have to agree with some of this.

While being called Sir is a measure of respect, I do not let any but my two call me that. It's a special thing between us.

I do not consider myself a 'Master', as my pair are not live-in. That would be the deciding factor for me, even though we do have contracts and they "belong" to me.

As you've said, a Daddy could very well be a mentor, but I'm a bit uneasy in having the term used in that manner. To me, a Daddy would be someone involved in a certain type of relationship with his sub, one that I personally would never have.

As to playing outside the relationship. My two understand and even approve and I let them sometimes have their freedom - with certain select individuals. That freedom for me is what brought my second sub 'T' into my and 'B's' lives. They have become not just 'slut-sisters', but also good friends outside the environment of D/s - they're room-mates now, sharing an apartment.

But, as you say, it's up to the pair whether they will allow it and as in all things relating to our little world, negotiation and consent rule.

Exactly. The dynamics are often different, as you clearly point out with your relationships. And as I pointed out for me, "Sir" is a title that I am comfortable with and seems to come naturally from those inside or outside the BDSM community. I do not demand it, or even request it. It just is. So even if an owned sub calls me Sir it does not bother me. If it bothers her Master, Daddy, Dom, whatever title they have settled on, then please do NOT call me Sir. But in reality, they probably also call Mr. Jones who works at the hardware store (and is 60 years old) sir as well. The term sir and the respect it brings/conveys tends to be universal. It is HOW it is used that is often not.

The KEY, is making sure all involved know, understand, and agree to the dynamics put in play. There are few things that are set as a steadfast rule, more like guidelines and suggestions. Respect, understanding, trust, free will, and agreement are the crucial aspects... the rest are much more fluid and set to the needs and desires of those involved.
Guest
Lurker
0 likes
I should point out that being called Sir by those in the community is different to me than a casual 'sir' from a random person.

Those in the community know me and respect that quirk of mine. Those outside do not know of it, so I calmly accept the title as they mean it in a completely different way.
Guest
Lurker
0 likes
Quote by CeiranH
I should point out that being called Sir by those in the community is different to me than a casual 'sir' from a random person.

Those in the community know me and respect that quirk of mine. Those outside do not know of it, so I calmly accept the title as they mean it in a completely different way.

Oh I understand. I tend to just take it as it comes. If I know that it is simply a sign of respect and not submission, I am fine with it. If a sub was to get too "close" and it became more than a simple sign of respect, I would not allow the title to be used.

But with that said, also know that many in the BDSM community REQUIRE subs to call them by Sir, even their subs when addressing other Doms. So yes, couples should discuss this and set the rules... much like safewords, and other aspects of the relationship/dynamic.
olfart
Active Ink Slinger
0 likes
I prefer to be as a daddy figure, loving, understanding. Not as a master, I don't want to dominate.
Guest
Lurker
0 likes
Quote by olfart
I prefer to be as a daddy figure, loving, understanding. Not as a master, I don't want to dominate.

Are you in the lifestyle? I ask because it seems that you are missing the whole concept of a Daddy Dom. And just because someone is a Dom does not mean they are not loving, understanding, etc. Sensual Doms (of which I am) tend to be a more caring and "loving" Dom, but make no mistake, they are still Doms and dominate the sub. Simply being in a dominant role does not mean to repress or abuse. Just like being in a sub role does not mean you have to be abused or be a doormat with no say in things or input into situations or the relationship.

ADDED: I have to add though, that there is an exception to a Daddy NOT being a Dom... when they are topped from the bottom by a brat. They then become the sub, even if the role is typically a Dom role. There are far more professed subs who are really Doms than one might think. Simply wanting your partner to dominate you sexually and be rough does not make you a sub. What determines that is the overall dynamic of the relationship, not the role you may play in the bedroom. Who is directing things? Who is dictating what goes on, when it goes on, and how it happens? If it is the "sub" then he/she is not really a sub at all. And the Dom is not truly a Dom at all. There is nothing wrong with that, but it is what it is... and is not what it is not.
Unknown User
0 likes
I am a sub and I am a Little.

I think JohnC and others summed things up in the BDSM correctness very well and they are seasoned. I am more new, and do not wish to seem out of line, so I will tell "my" D/s relationship.

It is NOT always true the male is older. There is a the senior male with age difference where the female could be looked at more like a "real" daughter~ HOWEVER in our scenario I am the older one, someone significantly older in fact, yet I am also the Little. I am not the young Mistress. Basically I am the MILF. Yet the dynamics are such that I am both, a sub and a SWITCH -but much more a submissive who can be an adult submissive - or I can vacilate and present age that ranges (except I do not do the Akachan-infant play/diapers)... and yes it does involve age-play and what is considered . Costumes and clothing are fine. Lolita and cute dresses and school uniforms and anything I like, he likes, and I look good in and feel comfortable- no problems so far. Costumes and such are not nessicary either. It is pretty versatile. He is Daddy. He is the only Daddy like that or person that I have been with in BDSM and vice-versa.

He started as a Master. We quickly became monogamous and fell into what worked for us. It is not just about sex, (it is the relationship as a whole), but it has that kink and very kinky elements to it. There is a sensual adult side and there is more than one element. We do separate things pretty definitively n our natural ways and how we view things in our own minds [for us].

As my Daddy, there are no other submissives and none he would add. It would be unthinkable. He likes that I am a captive audience, but we are also very much inlove. Besides the Daddy-Dom which I call Daddy and have no problem doing so, I am called his Good Little Girl or Baby, we also roleplay as Japanese okami and these roles coincide, an ookami and a kitsune, just as our real life selves are inter-ethnic as well. It is very complex for us, but we never had to stop and think or create, the way it happened was as easy a flow as the way our relationship happened. It seems as easy as a fantasy itself.

It is both a loving D/s relationship, protective and guarded as it is kinky. It is as natural in creativeness as it is sexual. Neither of us knew any specifics of such things when we started and it was through our own experiences.

As it was said, D/s Daddy-Dom's do not necessarily do age-play or have their girls dress as a little girl, nor is it necessarily about iother taboos or anything else like that... ohhh, but sometimes it IS. We have been involved in the BDSM and been doing this almost since the moment we started dating, which is soon to be two years. It has worked very well so far and ours IS interwined with several topics not allowed to discuss here on Lush: taboos. My point to disclisure and saying that, even being risky to do so, is that, despote these other relationships mentioned here and what was said, there ARE relationships of D/s who have these elements, whether it is much less common or not.






footnote: lol ~ I AM dominated, (some daddy's do~ just perhaps differently in SOME cases. I am also opinionated, etc), I DO get punishment and discipline, but it is sexy and not harsh or painful except for the throw-me-down, tie-me-up, do-me-on-the-stairs passionate sex,slap my tush, lol, that we both enjoy... but again, this is NOT a relationship with other people involved or negotiable to that, so he is much more loving than harsh or demanding.
1HornyHungryOkami
Active Ink Slinger
0 likes
Quote by 1LovelyKinkyKitsune
I am a sub and I am a Little.



footnote: lol ~ I AM dominated, (I am also opinionated, etc), I DO get punishment and discipline, but it is sexy and not harsh or painful except for the throw-me-down, tie-me-up, do-me-on-the-stairs passionate sex, lol, that we both enjoy... but again, this is NOT a relationship with other people involved or negotiable to that, so he is much more loving than harsh or demanding.



Everything you said about your Daddy-dom baby is very true and Yes I am very loving, loyal, and very natural being a good/naughty daddy to you only. I do like the part where you said your my milf and you know what Daddy likes about you my naughty milf & baby. ;)
You are a very good girl to your daddy and that makes me very happy. I do love everything you said about me and about you lol ;)
overmykneenow
Active Ink Slinger
0 likes
The difference lies in the personality of the sub. Those looking for "daddys" generally have some kind of unresolved Elektra Complex issue going on while those looking for a master tend to show traits of codependency - compliant, putting the needs of others first. The narcissistic tendencies of self-styled "masters" provide an opportunity to fulfil the desires of the codependent. The codependent needs to serve, the narcissist needs to feel exalted. In the most extreme cases this can prove self-destructive as they both symbiotically feed each others addictions.
Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.

Why not read some stories instead

NEW! Want a quick read for your coffee break? Why not try this... Flash Erotica: Scrubber
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
0 likes
The spelling.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

Unknown User
0 likes
Quote by sprite
The spelling.


English is not everyone's forte OR first language.

Quote by overmykneenow
The difference lies in the personality of the sub. Those looking for "daddys" generally have some kind of unresolved Elektra Complex issue going on while those looking for a master tend to show traits of codependency - compliant, putting the needs of others first. The narcissistic tendencies of self-styled "masters" provide an opportunity to fulfil the desires of the codependent. The codependent needs to serve, the narcissist needs to feel exalted. In the most extreme cases this can prove self-destructive as they both symbiotically feed each others addictions.



Haha. Personally, this does not work for me. I do not believe in the Freudian {Wikipedia} "Electra Complex." (Unless - as you spelled it, you mean the "Elektra" as in the assassin ["Family & Early Life" - Wikipedia] Then, my memory is vague but still does not apply, in either scenario to me. I am not saying what you summed up might not apply to some people but the tidy little box/es do not apply to everyone. If we were all like cookie-cutters then professionals would have their work made easy and so we would not even need them.

You simply cannot speak for everyone, (even if you hit very close to home in the general sense of what may be for many). Sorry, but as much as the rationale may smack of truth ~ there are times for many exceptions and that is exactly why I did not state my opinion but told only of my own D/s relationship... because it did NOT completely fit the aforementioned molds and, again, does not neatly conform to the complexes or oedipus' you mentioned. It is just the way it is, and I have some grasp and understanding as to why.

Note: References were made to: Freudian oedipus'/Carl Jung complexes. Greek mythos - Sophocles re: Agamemnon (his daughter Electra). - {I HATED that family story} VS. Marvel Comic Elektra Assassin {One of my FAV comic book characters of all time}.