Potential Dom seeks sound advice.

Rookie Scribe

6 Nov 2013

I have met a young lady recently. We have struck up a friendship that has quickly heated up, and is now on the brink of a sexual relationship. We have met twice in person, and text each other constantly.

In our earlier correspondence, this young woman said some things that led me to believe she desired to be a submissive. I decided to take a chance and began addressing her in a way that I imagined a Dom would address his sub. Nothing too outlandish, just powerful, assertive statements about what I required of her, as well as what her punishments would be should she disobey me.

Needless to say her response was overwhelmingly willing and enthusiastic. She confessed to me that being dominated was a longtime fantasy of hers.

I was surprised to find myself becoming very aroused by how she was deferring to me, and the thought of her surrendering herself to me seemed very appealing.

To make a long story short, we have planned to have a sexual rendezvous soon where we will explore this new dynamic of our relationship.

Here is my dilemma: I know next to nothing about being a Dom. Up to this point I have just been following my natural instincts, to some success. However I fear I may have "talked too good of a game", so to speak, because my potential sub now believes that I know precisely what I am doing, at all times, and that I have some grand master plan laid out for us. Unfortunately, this couldn't be farther from the truth.

I am currently in the midst of my own preliminary research, but I wondered if some of the more experienced among you might be willing to share some basic pointers about what a prospective Dom should be doing to prepare for this type of relationship. Sort of a Doms 101 type discourse.

Any and all advice is appreciated.

Tl:dr - Newb Dom needs tips on starting out.

ProfessorFox

Active Ink Slinger

7 Nov 2013

I wouldnt call myself an expert in this field even though I do consider myself to be Dominant in the bedroom. I think there is a lot of misunderstandings when it comes to the D/s relationships. First and foremost I wouldnt recommend believing that there is a specific set of things you have to say or do. Being a Dom in my opinion is more about what kind of person you already are, not being something you are not. A lot of people enjoy being given a set task to do. They may not feel like they are amazing lovers, but they enjoy being told what to do sexually so they know how to please their partner.

Being a Dom doesnt mean you have to be a ass, you dont have to be cruel, or mean. It just means that you enjoy being in charge of the situation. If she enjoys the idea of you taking charge in the bedroom, then take charge. Think about what its like if you have ever Cybered online. You are telling her what you want to do with her, what you want her to do. Its the same thing in practice. "Take off your robe, turn around slowly." Tell her what you want from her. Have her call you Sir, or Master, or whatever you two want. Like a lot of aspects of sex, the popular idea and the reality are very different. Be yourself, talk to her and listen to what she says. The most important thing I would say, and I will leave you with this is; the Dominant and submissive relationship should be based on trust and compassion. Remember, she is making herself *very* vulnerable to you right now, physically and emotionally, if you have any code of ethics you live by, then dont misuse the situation. Treat her like a queen, just one who has never done something like this before and you are showing her how it works. Thats kind of the best way I can think of putting it. I am sure there will be several more comments below this with more advice for you.