So, I really enjoy being dominated. My husband knows and is the dominant one in bed, but just not as much, or hard as I would like. My question is what is the most constructive way of getting him to be harder on me, to require more from me, to really punish me when I need it? Thanks for the help!
My girlfriend and I starting dating after we were friends and after discovering that we both like BDSM. We have for two years now talked about what we both want, expect, and goals that we wish to accomplish. We talk about our D/s lifestyle on a daily basis so that there are no surprises in the middle of our play. Communicate, communicate, communicate. It's the key.
Thanks for the advice. We have talked about it in the past, which is how we got to this point. But things are at a stand still. He says he doesn't want to really hurt me, but I want it harder. I guess some is better than nothing, but it is kind of a tease.
There can be a huge difference between D/s (Domination/submission) and S&M (Sadism/Masochism). There is also a difference between "rough sex" and domination. The latter is a power exchange that can go beyond the bedroom activities, the former is "harder" but still often vanilla in nature. Think about the whys and wherefores of what you mean. "Harder' doesn't have to mean abuse, whereas "rough sex" can include elements of abuse and physical bruising, etc. Domination is, I think the experienced will agree, as much mental and personality strength as it can be physically and sexually. The so-called boundaries may blur as people find their personal preferences, needs, and limits.
This is actually a very common problem in a loving BDSM relationship, I had the same "problem" with my husband. he was always a rough player, but with me, he is too in love to hurt me, just tell him that it is what you NEED, not just want, and ask him to go slowly, amplifying his intensity as he goes forth.
Or, ask if you may seek a second play-master to work with you, I have and it's great!
"When its too kinky for everybody else, its just gettin' good for me."
(Kinky Freedman)
Communicate, talk to him of your needs, of what you want, how far you need to go. If you have to, test him to see how he responds to a specific need of yours. If he responds in a positive way then let him know about it, what it did for you. Communicate.
