How to deal with sub-drop when you're NOT in a bdsm relationship?

12 Jul 2015

I've been struggling with this for quite some time, now, and I haven't really come up with anything helpful.

Long story short - someone suggested that the extreme highs and lows I experience during and after sex are a type of sub-drop. Of course, I'm quite familiar with all the elements of this per fiction and online articles as well as discussions online with others who are in a bdsm life dynamic of some fashion and such - but applying what I've read to real life seems nearly impossible because my husband is not a dom - and he doesn't see me as a sub in any regard.

When you're in a vanilla relationship and you experience this type of thing doctors and others will advise you on how to END it: no extreme highs = no extreme lows. But I want my extreme highs. I don't like the idea of possibly letting that go. So I'm trying to grasp ways of handling the drop. The extreme lows are truly killing the last little bit of a sex life I do have.

Any input would be greatly appreciated.

17 Sep 2015

First, congratulations on achieving highs great enough to result in "sub drop". Many people never realize that level of pleasure. As to how to deal with it, communication. Talk to your partner and explain what you need following an intense experience. May be you need to be held, or caressed, or just kissed as you come down. It's still part of the experience and it can be a valuable bonding time for you both. He may not realize your need and just thinks when you cum, you're done. If you communicate your needs to him, it gives him the chance to take care of them. This, I believe, is the best place to start in any type of relationship.

With a whisper, a touch, a kiss,
I showed her the path,
She ran to the arms
Of baby's safe harbor.

28 Sep 2015

Quote by Metilda

Long story short - someone suggested that the extreme highs and lows I experience during and after sex are a type of sub-drop. Of course, I'm quite familiar with all the elements of this per fiction and online articles as well as discussions online with others who are in a bdsm life dynamic of some fashion and such - but applying what I've read to real life seems nearly impossible because my husband is not a dom - and he doesn't see me as a sub in any regard.

Is it a predictable pattern? Meaning do you experience a post coital low each and every time?

Do you receive or have you discussed aftercare as babys_safe_harbor suggests?

What do you feel / yearn for in that low? Observations you have about that state and what makes it a low for you might provide additional clues as to how you might mitigate it.

29 Sep 2015

Quote by Babys_safe_harbor
First, congratulations on achieving highs great enough to result in "sub drop". Many people never realize that level of pleasure. As to how to deal with it, communication. Talk to your partner and explain what you need following an intense experience. May be you need to be held, or caressed, or just kissed as you come down. It's still part of the experience and it can be a valuable bonding time for you both. He may not realize your need and just thinks when you cum, you're done. If you communicate your needs to him, it gives him the chance to take care of them. This, I believe, is the best place to start in any type of relationship.

Quote by TantricDrummer

Is it a predictable pattern? Meaning do you experience a post coital low each and every time?

Do you receive or have you discussed aftercare as babys_safe_harbor suggests?

What do you feel / yearn for in that low? Observations you have about that state and what makes it a low for you might provide additional clues as to how you might mitigate it.

Predictable - not really. Though it more so seems to happen when it's been a while since we've had sex. It's ridiculously random - and sometimes it's not so bad.

But yeah - what I need is the same each time - closeness. Spontaneous sex on the fly used to be just fine. Maybe it's age, but I'm not handling quickies very well more than anything.

And thanks, both of you, for responding. Sorry I didn't see your response sooner, Safe Harbor.

10 Nov 2015

Ok, strictly dealing with the subdrop here and nothing else. Before you play/fuck/make love what have you . Have a few things in place, gatorade, chocolate, a soft blanket, pjs whatever comforts you, have some natural sugar in your breakfast the day after, and load up on protein for lunch the next day. When you play hard and hit sub space your endorphins are running full throttle in your body, after you come out of that situation and your body recognizes that it doesn't have to run so hard, there is a deficit which is the cause of subdrop. The things I mentioned will not take it away, but it does help you to get through it. Also it wouldn't hurt to be in contact with the person you played with in some form throughout the next day. Hope this helps.

Really, sex and laughter do go very well together, and I wondered - and I still do - which is more important.