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BDSM 101

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MoonlightSerenity
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Adding to what MistressS has just said I would like to point out a few other things.

Learn what allergies your sub has if they have any and make sure that all items that you use will not trigger this, and keep their epipen nearby in case they need it. And always be wary in case it gets set off.

Also the same with those of you whose subs have asthma - make sure that their inhaler is within reach at all time and that the sub can have constant access to it if the need arises. Also make sure that you know the symptoms of an asthma attack in case your sub has one during play.

If you're doing bondage keep a close eye in case your submissive ends up fainting while they're tied, if this happens stop immediately and get them out of it as soon as possible. It would be unwise for someone to be bound if their prone to fits and epilepsy as it could be triggered by accident during the session and thus being bound could seriously harm them. Also be wary if you are prone to fits or epilepsy when thinking about tying someone up in case you fit and the person you have tied can't do anything to help you.

Rope suspension is not for beginners at all, not even for novices. It is for experts who have went to others for training in such a thing.

Also please if you do decide to do bondage, especially suspension, make sure that your equipment is of a very high quality. Otherwise it may not be safe to use and could end up snapping. So don't skip out on the more expensive ones for a bargain, and check the quality of everything you get. Also keep an eye on your equipment as everything is prone to wear and tear, and this can be deadly. Commons ones you have to watch out for is rope wearing out and loose stitching in leather work, especially at key points of the item as these will take the most strain.

If you are doing suspension be careful as to what you attach your sub to, as like above it could snap. A good quality and sturdy frame will be the best for those of you who don't want to screw hooks into your walls. And if you are doing rope bondage then a bondage ring will be the best to attach to your frame as they are made for bondage.

Some advice to those who want to use ice cubes and frozen dildos for heat play - I have been told that if you use them by placing them inside someone after they've just came out the freezer with frost all over them that they can cause serious internal injury. So to avoid this let it heat up for a bit before you attempt to insert it.

One thing that may seem interesting to those wanting to get into heat play is fire play, this is something that should not be done without training from a professional, reading about it is not enough. Candles do not fall into this category as the wax is pored and the flame is not near the submissive. Wax that isn't massage candles but are supposed to stay and harden on the skin can be fun for the sub, but keep it away from the genitals and hair, as it can hurt both (if you do get it in the hair then a nit come is your friend to help get it all out). If it's a regular massage candle then you can get it in hairs, just be sure to rub it all in.

With regards to knife and medical play (the latter has not been discussed yet) be sure to sterilize everything after play, as a simple drop of blood or body fluid can wreck havoc on your sub or yourself next time that they are used. And if you are breaking the skin at all (which is not for beginners at all as you could seriously harm your sub) then make sure that you clean the whole area where you worked so that you don't spread diseases and such. Good disinfectants are mainly alcohol based, but make sure that they are safe to use when it comes to using them again. For metal items holding them in a flame such as one from a candle is also a really good way of sterilizing such items. But do not use the stuff you can get from the supermarkets that are for cleaning your house, as these may prove dangerous (they have those warnings on them for a reason).

Also make sure that the area and items used are sterile before every use and after every use, and if possible get yourself some rubber gloves that medical professionals use as it can help to stop the spreading of things that can harm your sub.

Medical play is something that needs great care, as most things used are from the medical industry and are used by trained professionals. Learn what the item is originally for and how to use it before even thinking of putting it anywhere near your sub. Unless it's things like a wartenberg wheel (which are a great introduction into medical play) as they are fairly simple to use and are usually what everyone gets into first. This area can cause a lot of pain to the submissive so you need to make sure that your submissive is okay with pain before you attempt medical play.

For needle play, do not do it at all unless you are a trained in how to do it by a professional as this involves breaking the skin and can be highly dangerous if you do not know how to do it.

Violet wands also need training in how to use them. But they are not to be used on people with pace makers or those who are sensitive to electric shocks. I do not know much at all in this area as it is something that many will refuse to do because of the nature of it.

Also no matter what you're doing make sure to have some plasters, basic wound cream in case the skin gets broken (Savlon in the uk is a really good brand) and some bandages in case they end up twisting an ankle or something like that and need it to be protected.

BUT IF YOU OR YOUR SUB IS INJURED DUE TO A HEAD INJURY OR ANYTHING THAT MAY SEEM SUSPICIOUS STOP THE SCENE IMMEDIATELY AND SEEK MEDICAL ADVICE.


EDIT - Breath play is something that is as dangerous as knife and needle play and should not be attempted by anyone who suffers from asthma or similar as it involves cutting off breathing for short periods of time during play and is not for beginners at all! I should have put that in earlier but I forgot.
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sexyfun77
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Thank you for posting this. There are so many people who don't know much.8TkQZ5vjW0boIZ8Y
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I have read this thread through twice now. The advice and opinions of Dom and Sub are all valid and I find that I learned a couple of things even though I have lived the lifestyle for many years. Some of the play mentioned I have not done (Limits and personal preferences mostly) I was given formal training... By that I mean my Masters were actually trained in the arts and they trained me beginning as a "pet"... I am a natural submissive. I am also trained as a "switch" and I was many years after becoming a "slave" trained to be a "trainer" then I became an "alpha" and just a few years ago i became a Mistress myself. I did not know myself going in that I could learn all these new tasks and find inside me the person I am today.

This lifestyle is not for everyone. It takes dedication, many years of study (book wise as well as human observation) and to top it off there is always more to learn, more to do, added responsibilities of being the whole me. I am still mostly submissive... But I was trained by the best and thus I give the best to my pet/slave/sub that I can. It is a job I love but one that I take seriously. I found that I agreed with most every aspect of what was said here. I tend to lean towards being a strict Mistress and a loyal but strong willed sub. That is who I am and because of that switch aspect, my Dom(s) have to be stronger willed and willing to take me to task for my short comings.

I do feel that a warning on "couple" BDSM as I call it, should be given... Topping from below is a common thing in this relationship. My experience, my training and my observations lead me to this statement. There will always be the exceptions that prove the rule however.... Love has many forms, takes many turns and twists and grows, changes and even fades over the years. I was married to my Master. IRL married, I was wife, mother and slave. It was a full time job to say the least. In that confusing dynamic I began to see all the different facets that make up the person I am today. I do not regret any of my experiences good bad or ugly. The only thing I miss is the life itself. I miss being able to give up control when I am submissive. I miss switching midstream and going for broke to please us both. I even miss being the Mistress to my long lost pet.

Every life is a journey of self discovery and finding your "place" in the world... Mine is (mostly) on my knees aiming to please... But then there is that other small percentage that comes to the fore and states its readiness to be heard and acted upon.

I hope this thread continues and is added to continually. This is a wonderful life. It is a gift that one can give themselves for a while or for life...

But as with any relationship it takes much work and communication. Trust and loyalty... And it needs LOVE...

I plan to check back often and maybe even add tidbits as I go...

Had I stayed in the life today would have been my 20th anniversary.... Perhaps that is why I posted this...

To all of "Us" out there... Do what makes you happy but harm nothing...
MoonlightSerenity
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I wonder why no-one's talked fully about different types of play yet? So I feel like doing it for everyone.

Bondage

Bondage play is the act of tying up one's sub and restricting their movement in one way or another. This can be acheived mainly through the use of ropes, but it is more common for those just trying it out to get under the bed restraint kits and practise on those before moving onto ropes. Cuffs and chains are also very common in bondage. It is one of the most popular form play that there is.


Humiliation

This type of play involves humiliating the sub through various different means. It can be anything from making your sub submit to you in public places to having friends around and making fun of your pet. This is also another very popular type of play but it can be very stressful on the sub and some can't stand it.


Electro

Electro play is a type of play where violet wands are used during play and various other forms of electric stimulation. This is NOT for beginners as it involves electricity and can be fatal, so find a professional to train you before you attempt it.


Edge

Edge play is playing right on the boundries of what both sides are willing to submit to. This can be a very difficult thing to do as it can tip one of the participants over and hurt them. It is mainly used for people to test their endurance and see how far that they can go. In this play safe words will be used more than in different types of play. This is NOT for beginners.


Blood

Blood play is where letting blood is common or expected. Care must be taken so that main arteries and vital organs and body parts are not damaged. This is NOT for beginners.


Breath

Breath play is where one of the participants breathing is controlled and restricted during a play session. This can come in the form of gas masks, ball gags and consensual strangulation. Lots of care must be used to make sure that whoever is being controlled doesn't end up with permanent damage and that they don't suffocate. This is NOT for beginners.


Impact

This is very popular, mainly with punishments. This involves hitting the sub and anything that causes an impact on them. You should not hit a sub in their stomach or head as this can cause internal injuries that may not be seen, and take care when hitting genitals. The safest place to hit a sub is on their buttocks.


Knife

Knife play is any play that uses a knife as the name suggests. Great care should be taken so that the skin isn't broken. This is NOT for beginners.


Heat

This involves playing with hot and cold things, such as ice and wax. This is very suitable for beginners.


Fire

This involves using a naked flame near a participants body. This should only be done by those taught how to do it as it can be very dangerous. This is NOT for beginners.


Medical

Medical play is play using various different medical appliances during play. This can have some things for beginners and some that are for experts.


Pain

This involves causing pain to the submissive. It can have things such as canning, flogging and whipping. Nipple clamps and such can also come under this type of play.


Sensation

This type of play is where the sensors of the sub are played and toyed with by the dominant. Examples of this can include sensory deprivation, most commonly sight with blindfolds, and adding and modifying certain senses such as taste play with can include dripping various different tasting things onto the subs tongue.


Pet

THIS IS NOT BESTIALITY! This involves the submissive dressing up as an animal of their choice and taking on some of the characteristics of that animal. Common animals chosen for this are kittens, puppies and ponies.




Age and Role plays have not been discussed here as age play breaks the site guidelines and roleplay can get dangerously close to it.

I hope that this helps a lot of people out in choosing what type of play that they wish to take part in.
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MoonlightSerenity
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Can someone please talk about Sub-Drop and Sub-Frenzy please as it's something I've not seen mentioned in here yet.
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I'd love for my partner to be more dominating since I'm submissive in nature in the bedroom, but I'm not sure how to approach him about it.
We dabble with handcuffs and toys but that's the extent of it.

Any suggestions on how to introduce it?
MistressS
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Quote by Molly92
I'd love for my partner to be more dominating since I'm submissive in nature in the bedroom, but I'm not sure how to approach him about it.
We dabble with handcuffs and toys but that's the extent of it.

Any suggestions on how to introduce it?

The most obvious thing I would suggest would be is just talking to him about it, and telling him how you feel. Since you already try some light bondage, I'd imagine he is open to the idea of it. You could also try reading some stories or watching some porn together, dropping hints about how some of the things look interesting or fun, to see if he agrees and wants to try them and then talk it over.

If he is interested, but not sure about it, try suggesting having a scene one night, where you can both agree to try out some things to see what you do and don't like.

Hope things go well for you both, have fun and be safe.
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Thanks MistressS smile I'll give it a go x
MoonlightSerenity
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This thread needs new posts......

Sub/Dom(me) Frenzy

I feel like I should mention this as I've seen it happening of recent times.

Sub/Dom(me) Frenzy in a nutshell is when a new sub or Dom/me just wants to do anything and everything. Often during this they throw caution to the wind and end up harming themselves. They don't pace themselves and some don't take the time to learn how to do things safely, they'd rather just be doing the stuff straight away and worry about the consequences unless they happen.

The best way to sort this out is by having a more experienced Dom/me or sub keep them in line to make sure that they don't hurt themselves and to watch out for them until such a point as they think the Sub/Dom(me) frenzy stage is over.



If anyone has anything more to say on this matter or thinks I'm wrong don't be afraid to speak out.
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Ok I'll weigh in on this subject...
I am new to Lush Stories and this forum, but I have been a R/L Master for many years now. My slave was first My wife. She and I developed the trust part of our relationship long before we entered into the D/s realm, although for Me being a Dom has been a lifelong thing. Once she found out about My "dark side" and she understood better that I wasn't some wife-abusing pervert, she got interested in it as well.

Ok so much for the background info....

Now , the first thing I would like to speak on is terminology. The O.P. (original poster) was correct in her definitions. However, I still see the terms D/s and BD/SM used interchangeably and they really shouldn't be. D/s (Domination/ submission) is the lifestyle those of us who are into this sort of thing live. It is a valid lifestyle that two people enter into willingly and after a lot of discussion.

BD/SM on the other hand, are aspects of the D/s lifestyle that can be used if desired. You don't have to tie someone up (bondage) to dominate them. My pet and I are connected by a bond stronger than any rope. You also aren't always disciplining in D/s either. My pet knows the rules and (for the most part) obeys My wishes because she wants to please Me. Not because she is afraid of discipline. And I can discipline her without even touching her, simply by showing My displeasure in what she did.
As for the S and M parts, I don't practice Sadism or Masochism although I know that some do. My pet and I have a loving, devoted relationship. We were married, but we have gone beyond mere wedding vows...we are more than Mr. and Mrs. We are Master and slave.
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Quote by rxtales


You should always make your limits clear, and never worry about what the other person thinks about them. If they are worth your time, then they will understand that everyone has limits, and yours shouldn´t be crossed. If you don´t tell them that you have reached your limit, then you will only end up hurting yourself.


I couldn't agree more rxtales. Very well put. And if the Dom/me is worth the title, they will ask about your limits and respect them. If they don't want to talk about them, don't play with them.
PhareDuFour
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I think there are two kinds of Sub-Frenzy.

The first kind is when a sub first discovers how D/s fits into their life (the A-ha Effect), and they get the feeling they can't get enough of it. You can usually see these people posting in blogs and forums about having "no limits" and how they don't need safe words. It sort of reminds me of that song from Reamonn "Supergirl". They think they can fly. The sub seems to develop this sort of bucket list about wanting to do the entire Kama Sutra in one afternoon, and live the rest of their life in a dark dungeon in chains.

The second kind of sub frenzy is when play sessions pre-occupy them to the point of distraction. This can happen even with experienced subs, particularly when they come under new ownership, and can range from everything to spontaneous continuous orgasming right out of a dead sleep (believe me, this is worse than having hiccups) to things like forgetting to feed the cat and take out the trash because they are constantly thinking about what their Dom/me is going to do to them.

A responsible, experienced Dom/me will be able to recognise Sub Frenzy and take His/Her sub down and bring them back to reality. Usually this entails requiring strict discipline from the sub so they learn better self-control.

It's a real condition; not something a sub does just to get attention. Being brought up to a state of very high sexual arousal (psychological higher than normal sexual arousal) releases high amounts of endorphin in the body - a drug your body naturally produces that has an effect similar to heroine. Being constantly in the state of high sexual arousal will make you crave sex. A responsible Dom/me needs to teach His/Her sub/slave how to control this craving.



I also think there are two kinds of Sub-Drop.

The first kind is the "curtain call" sub drop. After the sex ends, and the sub slowly winds down after being in a very high state of sexual arousal. The bliss slowly wears off, and their conscious kicks in. Depending on what their Dom/me asked them to do, they may start to get very emotional mixed signals. For example, if the Dom/me was able to bring them to sacrifice their pride to do something the sub usually believes is humiliating, they may be "dropping" into the zone of self-recrimination, and their self-worth may erode to sub-zero levels. Female subs can drop down into this "He/She doesn't love/like me anymore 'hole'" after a session, because female body produce higher levels of oxytocin during sex than men do. Scientists believe this to be the "need to be cuddled" hormone. This is why Dom/me aftercare is essential after the "curtain call". It safely brings the sub back down and strengthens their sense of self-worth.

The second kind of sub-drop is the "absent Master/Mistress" sub-drop. Not everyone in a D/s relationship lives it 24/7. Many have to be satisfied with 24/2 (weekends), online relationships, or once-a-month public dungeon sessions. And then there are other circumstances like Master/Mistress has to take a plane to New York for a week, or Master/Mistress has decided to severely punish His/Her sub/slave with the "silent treatment". I am certain that if you conducted a sub poll and asked them what kind of punishment they would rather have:

a) 20 strokes of the tawes or the cane over their naked skin, or
b) the silent treatment for 24 hours

about 90% of the subs would pick "a" hands-down - especially if they already experienced "b" once or twice.

The worse case-scenario which is practically pre-programmed sub-drop is when a Master/Mistress discards their sub/slave, especially if They do this without reason or explanation.

Not being able to communicate with their Master/Mistress is pure psychic torture for many subs, and many can drop like a pebble in an empty, deep, dark well. That's because the one person they really need to pick them up isn't there. And they fall into this deep depression, where they begin to doubt everything good about themselves. They say it’s worse for slaves than it is for subs, but if you ask any sub who's been abandoned by their Master/Mistress, I’m sure they'd disagree with that.

The only safe-guard against this kind of sub drop is a responsible Master/Mistress who communicates more often with His/Her sub/slave, or by making sure that the sub/slave has other people to look after His/Her property in His/Her absence – be it the sub/slave’s close friends or relatives, other poly-household members, or trusted Munch contacts. Some websites recommend putting together sub-drop kits to combat depression if they can’t handle 24/2 arrangement, and the Master/Mistress can’t communicate with them due to other situations like marriage to vanilla partners. The kits include things that make a sub feel more secure such as favourite movies, books, music, a security blanket, even things like stuffed animals, sweets and recordings of their Master’s/Mistress’ voice.

For the worst-case-scenerio kind of sub drop (Master/Mistress dumps you), the only thing that helps if a sub can’t pull themselves out of the deep dark well, is seeking group contact, regardless if it’s related to the lifestyle or not. Healthy positive contact and communication is really the only way to combat this kind of sub drop effectively.
Si vos postulo me, sed non vis me, oportet me manere.
Sed si vis me, sed non vos postulo me, oportet me abire.
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MistressS thanks for all the info.
I'm a sub looking for a trustworthy Dom. Haven't been successful .
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Thanks to all the doms and subs that have submitted input on this thread, since joining lush i have became interested in finding out more about this lifestyle and the information that has been provided on here has really helped alot. Thank you smile
julynn
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Quote by sottomesso
MistressS thanks for all the info.
I'm a sub looking for a trustworthy Dom. Haven't been successful .


Finding the right Dom takes time, it's not like going to the store and pulling one off the shelf. It can take a long time to find the perfect fit for your needs. Key is to be patient. Never meet and take a Dom/me collar within a few mins or hours of meeting. It takes time to build the trust use that time to really get to know them. Velcro collars are so wild.

When talking with a potential Dom ask questions. Never be afraid to ask questions if they are reluctant to answer or you feel you they aren't giving you clear answers then that is the first flag that they may not be for you. Trust your instincts if you get that feeling then listen to it. Many times your instincts are correct and will save you from future hurts.

Make the conversation like an interview cause they are asking you questions as a potential mate to them and you should learn about their limits (hard and soft) as well. There isn't a lot of talk of a Dom/me's limits but they have them as well and if your limits aren't compatible then probably the relationship isn't as well.

Always be true to yourself and be true to them.

Sorry had a thought and just went with it....
No one can make you jealous, angry, vengeful, or greedy -unless you let him.
- Napoleon Hill
BakingMadMolly
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I think I'd like to try being submissive to my partner, since the idea of being controlled really turns me on. However, I need some guidance and everything I've found online links back to 50 bloody shades of grey at the minute, or hardcore porn sites.
Does anybody have any advice on how to start off with experimenting and how to bring up the subject with a partner? I'm curious to try it all out smile
BlackTalon
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As I didn't read every post I may be covering something that was already said, but as it is My opinion on it, if it was covered before, this may shed more light on the subject or a different perspective.
I am a Master in the 24/7 BDSM lifestyle.. I don't "scene" or "play" this IS My life and how I live it. (I use Master/slave and "she" for slave because that is easier than typing every gender and form of the M word and is what I'm used to personally)

The difference between BDSM and abusive relationships is.. CHOICE.. abusers attempt to TAKE power... mostly because they aren't in control of themselves enough to allow anyone to trust them enough to willingly submit.

One of the most common misconceptions about BDSM is that W/we are A/all in it 24/7 ... many ppl are part-time. I personally am 24/7 and feel some major differences play out among titles.. which could easily translate to professional terms such as- Master (professor) Dom/me (teacher) Top (student). There are things in common with each title such as respect, trust, consent and safety, and within each title a multitude of variations based on personal preference.

In My opinion..and its a VERY strong opinion... the only true Master/slave relationship is 24/7. a slave doesn't choose "when" to submit..( this is still a choice, but it is a base desire, a need rather than want, to find someone she can trust enough to give herself to fully ) she NEEDS to submit and allow her Master to control every aspect of her life as He sees fit... this is NOT a relationship to be taken lightly... as a slave you better be able to trust the person with your life...because that is exactly what you are handing them. I personally feel that a slave is the most powerful person in BDSM. There is great responsibility as a Master to make sure your slave's needs are fulfilled ..from mental health up to and including.. nutrition..hygiene..grooming..and simple things most ppl never think about. Granted...most Masters don't take things to that extreme, but it is a possibility many never consider. Masters not only spend time researching new aspects and even things they already know, they check things outside their own comfort zone too, as aspects of those may intertwine or give insight into other things as well... We are constantly thirsting for knowledge on how to push/test/train our slave to achieve excellence (as that is Our job).. many think We are power hungry assholes that demean women, In reality a true slave can feel unworthy or useless if not pushed to achieve their goal, which is to achieve perfection thru the eyes of their Master...as perfection can never be obtained thru one's own eyes, and a Master's duty is to help them achieve that. I also feel it borders on impossible for one Master to properly care for multiple slaves, as even one can be a challenge. Adding another becomes a juggling act and one will feel neglected, not saying that it couldn't work with a slave/sub situation, but this is based on My high opinion of what a Master/slave relationship requires.

Dom/mes & subs (may be either 24/7, part-time or even just occasional play referred to as "scenes"), they generally have considerable knowledge about BDSM. I don't feel those who are Dom/mes & subs are specifically lower on a BDSM scale... they, IMO, just don't choose to take things to such an extreme as a Master/slave relationship.

The term I find a problem with is Top/bottom ... I have never met anyone in the life that is 24/7 that say's "I'm a Top" ..to me that term has been reserved for ppl who dabble... are just a lil kinky... or occasionally have a "scene".

Part of My point in establishing this...is live within your comfort zone(this may be confusing for some, as it is sometimes a Masters job to push boundaries, but that is what a slave is comfortable with) ... don't try to be something you aren't comfortable with .. or with someone you aren't comfortable with and especially don't tell ppl you're a Master when you've a slight knowledge of BDSM, it is quite possible you may be laughed out of a channel

on a lighter note.. most don't realize that it is actually the submissive who holds the power... it is something they give freely to those they choose.
Knowledge is nothing if not shared, with your slave, your community, and those wishing to enter into it. So I will continue to look for topics to give My opinion about, yes opinion.

*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
Ravyn
Cock Connoisseur
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Quote by BlackTalon
Dom/mes & subs (may be either 24/7, part-time or even just occasional play referred to as "scenes"), they generally have considerable knowledge about BDSM. I don't feel those who are Dom/mes & subs are specifically lower on a BDSM scale... they, IMO, just don't choose to take things to such an extreme as a Master/slave relationship.


I respectfully disagree with this part of your posting and yes I do realize that its your opinion and this is mine. A submissive can have the same desire and resolve as a slave but just prefer to not be referred to as a slave. Just because I do not like that term does not mean that I cannot live out a 24/7 D/s relationship to any extreme. It can be just as extreme and intense as any Master/slave relationship with the choice of being referred to as a submissive and not a slave.
BlackTalon
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Quote by Ravyn


I respectfully disagree with this part of your posting and yes I do realize that its your opinion and this is mine. A submissive can have the same desire and resolve as a slave but just prefer to not be referred to as a slave. Just because I do not like that term does not mean that I cannot live out a 24/7 D/s relationship to any extreme. It can be just as extreme and intense as any Master/slave relationship with the choice of being referred to as a submissive and not a slave.


If you see yourself as a slave but prefer to be called something else... then aren't you still a slave, just by another name?

does not a rose by another name smell as sweet?
Knowledge is nothing if not shared, with your slave, your community, and those wishing to enter into it. So I will continue to look for topics to give My opinion about, yes opinion.

*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
Ravyn
Cock Connoisseur
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Quote by BlackTalon


If you see yourself as a slave but prefer to be called something else... then aren't you still a slave, just by another name?

does not a rose by another name smell as sweet?


Again, I disagree and we will just have to chalk it up to that smile
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I am glad that I read this. I have been wanting for the past 5 years to learn more about BDSM a lot of good information out there but this explains it better than i have ever seen it. I plan not to suppress this any more. Thanks again for ideas but mainly fir the information.
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I wish to fnd a mistress with which i can explore my submisive side

Please contact me here or through yahoo.com at js7761
upforit
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I think I'd like to try being submissive to my partner, since the idea of being controlled really turns me on. However, I need some guidance and everything I've found online links back to 50 bloody shades of grey at the minute, or hardcore porn sites.
Does anybody have any advice on how to start off with experimenting and how to bring up the subject with a partner? I'm curious to try it all out smile
Pussy_Predator
Advanced Wordsmith
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Here are some posting i have found that could help out a bit ....

Online BDSM Dating Tips
On dating sites, submissive women are often inundated with junk messages, many from apparently crazy men. Here's how to cope:

Set mail filters, if available. This shunts messages from undesirable correspondents into a bulk folder. Do mention your filter settings in your profile text, so someone who troubles to read it will know if he fits your criteria.

Delete your picture, or post a non-provocative one. Gals with pics, especially slutty ones, are far more inundated with junk messages. You can often attach a pic to a message, or mark certain photos friends-only, so you need not be faceless to everyone. Don't post a pic of a fetish model, unless it's you.

Be descriptive in your profile text. Don't be that girl who either has nothing to say, or lacks the courage to say it. Try to answer three questions: What are you like, as a person and a partner? What would your ideal match be like, as a person and a partner? How do you envision your ideal relationship? Keep adding to and adjusting your profile text over time; it can take a while before you're pleased with how it reads.

Seem savvy, even if you're not. Presenting yourself as a newbie seeking teachers is a sure way to attract carnivores hunting for easy prey. It's safer to disguise your lack of experience (e.g. "I'm not new to kink") in your profile. You can share your actual background later with folks you establish a rapport with.

Request a message keyword. Append a request like this to your profile text: "When messaging me, please start your note with the phrase 'dancing bear' so I'll know you read my whole profile."

Browse your competition. A LOT of the subgirl profiles on some kinky dating sites are fakes — scammers, bored teens, who knows? Make sure your profile doesn't look like one of them!

Immediately block anyone who's rude, without responding. When a dom contacts you, you're a stranger to him. Genuine doms are respectful to strangers, and especially respectful to kinky strangers. Don't feel bad about blocking a jerk; it's best for you both. And don't get into arguments with jerks!

Read profiles and reach out. In my experience, the gals who initiate contact turn out to be much more interesting than those who wait for guys to make the first move. And doms like to be approached — it makes us feel attractive and powerful! Don't take it personally if you don't hear back; you can't tell what's going on in the gent's life at that moment.

Use an anonymous account for email correspondence. I've found many gals give out their primary email address after a short dating-site exchange. It's safer to give someone you haven't met an anonymous email which you only use for dating or kink purposes.

Be inquisitive and skeptical. Many so-called doms online are bullies or nuts hiding behind BDSM. Even guys who seem nice enough in person in public may be unfeeling jerks behind closed doors. Your best defense against these types is asking numerous questions — about previous relationships, other gals they're seeing, friendships with other kinky people, successes and failures in romance and life, how they build relationships, etc. (See How to Interview a Dom...)

Let a prospect earn your trust over time. Genuine doms are patient and sensitive and concerned about their partners. They're not in a hurry to be addressed as "Sir", give you orders, punish you, or "own" you. They recognize that you wish to put yourself in an extremely vulnerable position in a romance, and that you need to get there gradually.

Be very patient! If you're looking for people to play/scene with occasionally, that's not so hard to find. But if you're seeking a long term partner, you're looking for a needle in a haystack; it will take time.
Pussy_Predator
Advanced Wordsmith
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This is another that could help out since we as people make mistake's on what we think we look for....

What to Look For in a Dom/Master
The skill set required of a dom in a lifestyle D/s relationship is rather different than that for a top in an S&M scene, although there's overlap. The focus of this article is lifestyle doms. (See Relationship Variations article.) Most of these traits are straight out of the best-practices manual for vanilla relationships!

Note: I run the risk of simply summarizing my own style as a dom here. I've tried to look beyond that, and solicited feedback from sub friends.

Honesty and transparency. He answers any question you pose, shares things you should know unprompted, and hides nothing about his life. He's willing to discuss previous relationships in detail, and doesn't blame breakups mostly on the ex-partners.

Has tried kink and craves more. He wants kink for how it makes him feel, not just because you want it. He's not conflicted about it. He enjoys educating himself on the topic, and has kinky friends and/or mentors. (Because it's easier to meet appealing men in ordinary social situations, many sub gals make the mistake of falling for vanilla guys who seem to have dominant attributes. Vanilla boys cannot be converted to doms!)

Vanilla chemistry. You like each other as people, not just as kink providers! He likes you as much as you like him. He doesn't pull you into D/s dynamics until you get familiar with each other. (This can be hard to resist! See D/s Gravity article.)

Compatible life patterns and goals. Some subs, and doms, are more adaptable than others. But in general, chemistry is not enough; you need basic alignment in schedules, habits, needs for solitude & attention/affection & kink/sex, and social patterns (e.g. a social butterfly may not be well-matched to a homebody). Career and family needs and dreams also need to line up, or be adjustable!

Vision and clarity. He has a picture or plan for the future of the relationship. He sees possible paths from the present to that place, and makes the current path clear to his sub. The journey may well alter his vision of the destination, or the route to it.

Emotional sophistication. He's aware of his own feelings and issues, and able to discover and understand yours. He can ask for help when he needs it and lend help when you ask. He's not easily angered or hurt, but will promptly and calmly tell you when he is. He'll call you on your stuff, and allows you to call him on his.

Dedication to self-development. He's constantly working on himself — especially emotional and social skills. He's at peace with who he is, but isn't complacent. He learns from his mistakes. (This trait can fill a lot of gaps if he learns quickly, but it's not a substitute for missing abilities.)

Curiosity and fascination. He's profoundly interested in you, and your dynamics together, and the aspects of himself that you enable him to explore.

Intuition and empathy. He's good at reading you, and eventually predicting your likely responses in key moments. He communicates his insights about you. He has a sense of how you feel, which impacts his own mind-state.

Humility and confidence. He knows his weaknesses and vulnerabilities. He knows his strengths. He takes risks wisely. He doesn't mistake authority for knowledge and understanding. He owns it when he's at fault or has failed.

Sets limits and pushes limits. One point of D/s is redefining both partners' boundaries, emotionally and physically. A dom guides this process, both by setting beneficial restrictions on his partner, and working to dismantle barriers she may have towards him.

Patience and flexibility. He's willing to invest the time and care necessary for a deep relationship. He knows you're not superhuman. He can take "no" for an answer when necessary. He can devise or embrace alternate routes to his objectives.

Appreciation and encouragement. He conveys to you how good he feels with you. He celebrates your talents and accomplishments. He doesn't criticize you unfairly or needlessly. He urges you to pursue your interests, to hone your strengths, to address your weaknesses. (Appreciation can be overdone. A sub should draw greater meaning from acts fulfilling her partner's needs than from praise for performing them.)

Knowledge of the body. He can touch you in an observant way, or a directive one. He learns how to play your body like an instrument. He is aware of his own body. He can sense when either of you needs rest.

Financial stability. He has his own living space. His debt to income ratio is manageable. (Disposable income to spend on fetish gear is nice, but do-it-yourself projects can replicate much of it. Wealth is not essential to happiness, in fact it can get in the way.)

Cares for himself. He's sensible about nutrition, sleep, exercise, grooming, clothes, car, etc.

If you find a gent with all of the above qualities, and he's into you, be willing to bend over backwards and forwards for him daily. He's a rare find!

What's Irrelevant

Looks. How someone feels to you in person — through eyes, voice, energy — is far more important than how statuesque or photogenic he is.

Need for control. Some doms like to supervise a sub closely and often, others do so far less. How dominated a sub feels is not a matter of how often her dom barks orders. Most control freaks don't qualify as doms.

Social and workplace dominance. Romance novels describe heroes who somehow control every situation they encounter. No one does that. Almost all kinky gents are employees of some kind. And anybody is comfortable in certain social situations and less sure of themselves in others.

D/s experience. If a guy hasn't "owned" a sub before, it doesn't mean he's not qualified. Talent and dedication to honing it are more crucial than experience.
Guest
Lurker
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BDSM 101 - Answering the ehow

"Gentle" Dominating
·         Push her against the wall/bed/floor/table. Hold down her wrists (above her head, behind her back, by her sides). Lean your weight against her to create the feeling like you are dominating her body. Push your knee between her legs and roughly spread them wide. "Spread wide for me, sweetheart."
·         Manhandle her. Put your hands all over her as if you can't get enough. Grab her breasts, squeeze her ass. Worship her. "God I love this hot/tight ass of yours". "This hot/tight ass of yours is all mine tonight." "You have the hottest/tightest little body ever." "Your body was made to be fucked by me."
·         Kiss her like you need it to breathe. Grab her chin and pull her mouth to yours, plunge your tongue in her mouth.
·         Run your fingers through her hair and pull gently. Tug her hair so that it forces her to look up at you, give her a sexy smirk, and kiss her roughly.
·         Grind your hips against her, let her feel your arousal pressed against her. "Can you feel how hard you make me?" "Fuck, you make me so hard." "I can't wait to shove this into that sweet pussy of yours." "God I need/want to be inside of you."
Getting more aggressive...
·         Light scratching: Use your fingernails and scratch along her back or lightly dig your nails into her ass.
·         Spanking: Slap her ass. Mix it up, don't just spank her a billion times: spank, rub it with the palm of your hand, grip it with your hand, slap it, etc. "I fucking love your tight little ass". "This beautiful ass is all mine...in fact I think I should leave a mark so you'll remember who it belongs toslap".
·         Biting: Bite her nipples, alternate with licking and swirling your tongue around the nipple.
·         Orgasm Denial: "Do you want to cum?", force her to say yes, then "I want to hear you beg for it." She begs. "Louder". She begs some more. "Good girl..." Proceed to make her come. Or tease her some more... "No I don't think I'll let you just yet..."
·         Forced Orgasms: "I want you to cum NOW." "Come for me, baby." Proceed to make her cum after you say these things. After you've made her come, "Have you had enough?...I don't think you have. I want you to come again for me." "I want to feel you soak my fingers/cock/tongue with your delicious juices". "I fucking love making you come, I think I want to do it again..." Make her cum again.
·         Have sex with clothes on. Ideal if she's wearing a dress/skirt - hike up her dress and fuck her like that. If she has pants, rip them off roughly. Move her panties aside (but don't take them off!) and screw her like that. "Look how wet you're making your panties...what a dirty little slut you are."
·         Make her pleasure you. Force her on her knees and suck you off. "Get on your knees now." "You're going to suck me until I'm satisfied." "Suck me with that talented little mouth of yours."

"Consensual Role play"/Light BDSM - So please, please tread carefully with this section, by "role play" I mean CONSENSUAL with consent, if at any time she says the safe word, STOP IMMEDIATELY.

Pay attention to her body language - if it appears like she is not enjoying something or starting to hesitate, STOP IMMEDIATELY, ask her if everything is okay, MAKE SURE THINGS ARE ACTUALLY OKAY. Again, please DO NOT continue if you have any doubts whatsoever. Constantly monitor her and your actions throughout this - remember your boundaries, STICK TO THEM. If you are interested in these activities, find resources and do your research, consult BDSM subreddits. Please, please play safe!!
·         Gagging: Gag her with a piece of cloth, fuck her with her panties on, take them off, and shove them in her mouth. (Because her mouth will be gagged, you must have a "safe gesture" as a sign to stop if things get too much.) BE SAFE...safe...and safe.
·         Bondage: Buy rope, tape, handcuffs, four-poster bed restraints, etc. OR improvise and substitute with a scarf or belt. Tie up her wrists behind her back (then force her to suck you off), tie her to the bed frame and tease her. Safety point: NEVER leave someone tied up alone in a room (if you need to leave to go to the bathroom or anything like that, make sure you can hear her if she calls out to you. NEVER LEAVE SOMEONE GAGGED AND TIED UP.).
·         Degrade her. Call her a dirty little slut/whore/cunt/bitch. "The only thing you're good for is to be fucked/satisfying me." Make her degrade herself "What are you?" "What are you good for?" "You're my slutty little whore. Say it." If she hesitates, punish her with a slap/spank. "Not fast/quick enough. Let's try again. (Repeat the question/your demand)." If you're satisfied, "Good girl" or "That's better." If not satisfied, punish her until she gets it right. Make her call you "Sir" or "Master". Punish her every time she forgets to refer to you as that.
·         In contrast to degradation: Praise her for satisfying you so well and being your "good little girl/slave". Tell her how pleased you are with her behavior and how good she's pleased you. Reward her.

In BDSM Role play 'The SOUNDS' plays an important part. Let's get to it:

·         Sounds: Moan, whimper, gasp when your man is rough-handling you. Let him hear how turned on he's making you.
·         Beg for it. Vocally: "Oh please" Him: "Please what?" You: "Please, I want you inside me/I want you to fuck me." Gasp/whimper out his name. Body language: show him how desperate you for him, move your hands across his back/chest, put your arms around his neck, press your body tight against his. When you feel his erection, glide your hand down the front of his pants and feel him through it, whisper in his ear: "I want this so badly."
·         Don't let him do all the work: When he's on top, wrap your legs around his back to bring him deeper. If you're not restrained by him, keep your hands on him, run it across his back/chest, through his hair (use light fingernails if he likes that sort of thing).
·         Shy kisses: I like doing this when my guy is being particularly a bit rough with me. I'll give him gentle kisses, on the mouth, on his cheek, along his neck and collarbone. This feels amazing when he gets more aggressive, it's like the more gentle I try to be with him, the more he'll assert his dominance as if saying "none of that bullshit, I call the shots." So I'll try to kiss him gently, but he'll just grab the back of my head and turn it into an aggressive kiss. Incredibly hot. It's very hard to explain the mentality behind this one, but it's like the more rough he is with me, the more I want to please as if to see if I can get him to be "gentler" when I really want the opposite ;) But it gets me into that nice submissive mindset that I really have no control.
·         Let him dominate you while YOU are on top: Me and my guy like to do a lot of different positions during sex. Often times, he'll just say "Get on top" or "Ride me", and will shove me on him. He places his hands on my hips and controls me by thrusting upwards and shoving me down on his cock. Great position to lean over and moan/whimper in his ear while he's thrusting into you. Other times, he'll make me please him by being on top. "Ride me", then he puts his arms behind his head and smirks up at me, while I do all the work. At this point, show him how desperate you are to please him. This is the time when I really like doing the "shy" kisses cause I can lean over him and kiss him gently on the lips/neck.
·         Being disobedient...on purpose: Sometimes it's no fun being the perfectly obedient little slave...how else am I going to get punished? ;) So often times I will disobey on purpose...I do this by:
1) In BDSM play: Taking too long to obey an order, outright refusing an order ("Please no"), purposely making a mistake (Him: "You're nothing but a dirty little cum-loving slut whose only good for being used. Repeat it." Me: "I'm nothing but a little cum-loving slut whose only good for being used." Him: "You forgot "dirty" <slap> <spank> "Try again."), not refering to him appropriately (i.e. "Master").
2) In "consensual play": Resisting - try to "fight" him off, struggle. Keep your legs closed tight, this will force him to FORCE them open. Use your hands to push him off - this will make him pin your wrists down. While I'm doing this, I like protesting: "No, please no". "I don't want to, please stop." Him: "Do you think I care what you want? Now shut up, you're here to do what I want."
·         Blowjobs: Suck him off as if there is nothing else you would rather do. Moan while you have his cock buried in your mouth (yes this may be difficult - but is possible when you're just playing with the tip). Use your hands (assuming they are not tied up) and pull his waist to you as if you are desperate to get more of him into your mouth. Do what your guy likes in terms of body language - i.e. if he likes your eyes lowered, keep them lowered, look up only to coyly ask him if you're satisfying him, or if there's anything else you can do to please him.
·         Beg to please him: "Please, I want to suck you off", "Please let me suck you off", "Please, will you cum in my mouth/face/chest/stomach/pussy/ass?"
·         Remind him that he controls your orgasms: Again more begging. "Please let/make me cum." "I need to cum so badly, please master." "I need you to make me cum, please I'll do anything." While saying this, show how desperate you are, rub your wetness against his cock or fingers, spread your legs wide for him.
·         Apologize when you're disobedient: Beg for forgiveness "I'm sorry master. I didn't mean to. I'll do whatever you want, please forgive me." "I won't disobey/forget/struggle next time. Please don't be angry." "I'm sorry master. Please punish me for disobeying. I will be/do better next time."
·         Thank him: Thank him for giving you pleasure/reward. And for letting you please him "Thank you for letting me suck your cock." "Thank you for the pleasure he gave you."

BDSM lifestyle is based on love, trust, respect and consent.
 
Guest
Lurker
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Quote by giveintome
BDSM 101 - Answering the ehow

"Gentle" Dominating
·         Push her against the wall/bed/floor/table. Hold down her wrists (above her head, behind her back, by her sides). Lean your weight against her to create the feeling like you are dominating her body. Push your knee between her legs and roughly spread them wide. "Spread wide for me, sweetheart."
·         Manhandle her. Put your hands all over her as if you can't get enough. Grab her breasts, squeeze her ass. Worship her. "God I love this hot/tight ass of yours". "This hot/tight ass of yours is all mine tonight." "You have the hottest/tightest little body ever." "Your body was made to be fucked by me."
·         Kiss her like you need it to breathe. Grab her chin and pull her mouth to yours, plunge your tongue in her mouth.
·         Run your fingers through her hair and pull gently. Tug her hair so that it forces her to look up at you, give her a sexy smirk, and kiss her roughly.
·         Grind your hips against her, let her feel your arousal pressed against her. "Can you feel how hard you make me?" "Fuck, you make me so hard." "I can't wait to shove this into that sweet pussy of yours." "God I need/want to be inside of you."
Getting more aggressive...
·         Light scratching: Use your fingernails and scratch along her back or lightly dig your nails into her ass.
·         Spanking: Slap her ass. Mix it up, don't just spank her a billion times: spank, rub it with the palm of your hand, grip it with your hand, slap it, etc. "I fucking love your tight little ass". "This beautiful ass is all mine...in fact I think I should leave a mark so you'll remember who it belongs toslap".
·         Biting: Bite her nipples, alternate with licking and swirling your tongue around the nipple.
·         Orgasm Denial: "Do you want to cum?", force her to say yes, then "I want to hear you beg for it." She begs. "Louder". She begs some more. "Good girl..." Proceed to make her come. Or tease her some more... "No I don't think I'll let you just yet..."
·         Forced Orgasms: "I want you to cum NOW." "Come for me, baby." Proceed to make her cum after you say these things. After you've made her come, "Have you had enough?...I don't think you have. I want you to come again for me." "I want to feel you soak my fingers/cock/tongue with your delicious juices". "I fucking love making you come, I think I want to do it again..." Make her cum again.
·         Have sex with clothes on. Ideal if she's wearing a dress/skirt - hike up her dress and fuck her like that. If she has pants, rip them off roughly. Move her panties aside (but don't take them off!) and screw her like that. "Look how wet you're making your panties...what a dirty little slut you are."
·         Make her pleasure you. Force her on her knees and suck you off. "Get on your knees now." "You're going to suck me until I'm satisfied." "Suck me with that talented little mouth of yours."

"Consensual Role play"/Light BDSM - So please, please tread carefully with this section, by "role play" I mean CONSENSUAL with consent, if at any time she says the safe word, STOP IMMEDIATELY.

Pay attention to her body language - if it appears like she is not enjoying something or starting to hesitate, STOP IMMEDIATELY, ask her if everything is okay, MAKE SURE THINGS ARE ACTUALLY OKAY. Again, please DO NOT continue if you have any doubts whatsoever. Constantly monitor her and your actions throughout this - remember your boundaries, STICK TO THEM. If you are interested in these activities, find resources and do your research, consult BDSM subreddits. Please, please play safe!!
·         Gagging: Gag her with a piece of cloth, fuck her with her panties on, take them off, and shove them in her mouth. (Because her mouth will be gagged, you must have a "safe gesture" as a sign to stop if things get too much.) BE SAFE...safe...and safe.
·         Bondage: Buy rope, tape, handcuffs, four-poster bed restraints, etc. OR improvise and substitute with a scarf or belt. Tie up her wrists behind her back (then force her to suck you off), tie her to the bed frame and tease her. Safety point: NEVER leave someone tied up alone in a room (if you need to leave to go to the bathroom or anything like that, make sure you can hear her if she calls out to you. NEVER LEAVE SOMEONE GAGGED AND TIED UP.).
·         Degrade her. Call her a dirty little slut/whore/cunt/bitch. "The only thing you're good for is to be fucked/satisfying me." Make her degrade herself "What are you?" "What are you good for?" "You're my slutty little whore. Say it." If she hesitates, punish her with a slap/spank. "Not fast/quick enough. Let's try again. (Repeat the question/your demand)." If you're satisfied, "Good girl" or "That's better." If not satisfied, punish her until she gets it right. Make her call you "Sir" or "Master". Punish her every time she forgets to refer to you as that.
·         In contrast to degradation: Praise her for satisfying you so well and being your "good little girl/slave". Tell her how pleased you are with her behavior and how good she's pleased you. Reward her.

In BDSM Role play 'The SOUNDS' plays an important part. Let's get to it:

·         Sounds: Moan, whimper, gasp when your man is rough-handling you. Let him hear how turned on he's making you.
·         Beg for it. Vocally: "Oh please" Him: "Please what?" You: "Please, I want you inside me/I want you to fuck me." Gasp/whimper out his name. Body language: show him how desperate you for him, move your hands across his back/chest, put your arms around his neck, press your body tight against his. When you feel his erection, glide your hand down the front of his pants and feel him through it, whisper in his ear: "I want this so badly."
·         Don't let him do all the work: When he's on top, wrap your legs around his back to bring him deeper. If you're not restrained by him, keep your hands on him, run it across his back/chest, through his hair (use light fingernails if he likes that sort of thing).
·         Shy kisses: I like doing this when my guy is being particularly a bit rough with me. I'll give him gentle kisses, on the mouth, on his cheek, along his neck and collarbone. This feels amazing when he gets more aggressive, it's like the more gentle I try to be with him, the more he'll assert his dominance as if saying "none of that bullshit, I call the shots." So I'll try to kiss him gently, but he'll just grab the back of my head and turn it into an aggressive kiss. Incredibly hot. It's very hard to explain the mentality behind this one, but it's like the more rough he is with me, the more I want to please as if to see if I can get him to be "gentler" when I really want the opposite ;) But it gets me into that nice submissive mindset that I really have no control.
·         Let him dominate you while YOU are on top: Me and my guy like to do a lot of different positions during sex. Often times, he'll just say "Get on top" or "Ride me", and will shove me on him. He places his hands on my hips and controls me by thrusting upwards and shoving me down on his cock. Great position to lean over and moan/whimper in his ear while he's thrusting into you. Other times, he'll make me please him by being on top. "Ride me", then he puts his arms behind his head and smirks up at me, while I do all the work. At this point, show him how desperate you are to please him. This is the time when I really like doing the "shy" kisses cause I can lean over him and kiss him gently on the lips/neck.
·         Being disobedient...on purpose: Sometimes it's no fun being the perfectly obedient little slave...how else am I going to get punished? ;) So often times I will disobey on purpose...I do this by:
1) In BDSM play: Taking too long to obey an order, outright refusing an order ("Please no"), purposely making a mistake (Him: "You're nothing but a dirty little cum-loving slut whose only good for being used. Repeat it." Me: "I'm nothing but a little cum-loving slut whose only good for being used." Him: "You forgot "dirty" <slap> <spank> "Try again."), not refering to him appropriately (i.e. "Master").
2) In "consensual play": Resisting - try to "fight" him off, struggle. Keep your legs closed tight, this will force him to FORCE them open. Use your hands to push him off - this will make him pin your wrists down. While I'm doing this, I like protesting: "No, please no". "I don't want to, please stop." Him: "Do you think I care what you want? Now shut up, you're here to do what I want."
·         Blowjobs: Suck him off as if there is nothing else you would rather do. Moan while you have his cock buried in your mouth (yes this may be difficult - but is possible when you're just playing with the tip). Use your hands (assuming they are not tied up) and pull his waist to you as if you are desperate to get more of him into your mouth. Do what your guy likes in terms of body language - i.e. if he likes your eyes lowered, keep them lowered, look up only to coyly ask him if you're satisfying him, or if there's anything else you can do to please him.
·         Beg to please him: "Please, I want to suck you off", "Please let me suck you off", "Please, will you cum in my mouth/face/chest/stomach/pussy/ass?"
·         Remind him that he controls your orgasms: Again more begging. "Please let/make me cum." "I need to cum so badly, please master." "I need you to make me cum, please I'll do anything." While saying this, show how desperate you are, rub your wetness against his cock or fingers, spread your legs wide for him.
·         Apologize when you're disobedient: Beg for forgiveness "I'm sorry master. I didn't mean to. I'll do whatever you want, please forgive me." "I won't disobey/forget/struggle next time. Please don't be angry." "I'm sorry master. Please punish me for disobeying. I will be/do better next time."
·         Thank him: Thank him for giving you pleasure/reward. And for letting you please him "Thank you for letting me suck your cock." "Thank you for the pleasure he gave you."

BDSM lifestyle is based on love, trust, respect and consent.
 


All very good advice. I am always looking for answers to questions and I think you answered everything smile