advice, please, for someone wanting to write a story with some bondage in it

Hello. Can people please give me some advice to help me as a writer.

First off, a disclaimer: I have never personally been interested in BDSM, and am largely ignorant about it. The idea of domination/submission has never turned me on. And anything remotely painful is, for me, a complete turn-off. So I have never written anything remotely BDSM-based, and tend to avoid stories in that category. Very sorry: please do not take this as a criticism of you or any of the things you enjoy!

However, the germ of a story is forming in my mind. Without going into too much detail, it involves a man who gains pleasure (excitement? catharsis?) from being tied up and fucked. Not dominated, not hurt, not exploited, not imprisoned. Just tied up and fucked by a lovely woman. I suspect that his pleasure comes from two things:

1. The physical sensation of ropes, fetters, chains against his skin.

2. The psychological feeling of helplessness, and of being "bound" to his lover by the trust he places in her and his willingness to make himself vulnerable by her.

Do these feelings resonate with anyone? Can anyone describe to me in greater depth the sorts of feelings/ideas which go through the mind of someone who gains pleasure from either or both of the above points?

Hope that is not too ridiculously specific? Hoping someone can help me on my way to getting to the bottom of this story and this character. Thank you so much! (Feel free to PM me, if that's easier for you.)

Grusha

I'm mostly not into the pain aspects, myself, but your points resonate with me. While the feelings of soft ropes against me, being bound, or being shackled by cold, hard steel and chained are sensual and erotic, the psychological feelings (your second point) are what does it for me.

Being bound and helpless takes away all your control and ability to reciprocate, leaving you with the ability to do nothing except receive. If you trust the person and they know how to stimulate your mind and body, in tandem, masterfully, the entire universe goes away and you just become a vessel to receive pleasure. You willingly give yourself to them, so you may receive sexual delight.

Take this with an ocean of salt as I've never done anything close to this in real life but, imo, you hit it with one word: trust.

That to me is the root of BDSM and is what I have tended to write about in many (many!) stories here. Forget the whips and chains and masks and dom/sub power, it's that willingness to surrender control of your pleasure to someone else, and have them take that trust and turn it into an instrument for exploring boundaries.

Look at it this way: with no props, you can give the recipient a single word that they can use to escape at any time. Then you can tell them to stretch out and hold onto the headboard or position themselves in a particular way and have carte blanche over their mind and body for as long as either of you can muster. There's no physical bondage going on: the recipient is willing and could choose to leave at any moment by uttering a single word, yet doesn't, because they have afforded complete trust in the other person to take them places they could never reach alone.

Having "no restraints" is then a test of wills. How much can the giver give to drive the receiver out of their mind with lust/need, without them feeling the need to back out? How much the recipient can endure or beg is the feedback that guides the giver, to fuel the action and take both parties where they need to be. Adding the physical restraints can enhance the excitement of the experience because then the options are even more limited and the sense of helplessness could be enhanced, but it's by no means a requirement for successful BDSM play (again, imo: willing to be corrected by those who have actually tried it). Being shackled in your own mind by a supportive and trusted partner is equally as powerful as being shackled by rope or handcuffs.

Further to this, one incredibly important point is that placing trust in someone for any length of time is physically and mentally demanding. So a period of nurturing afterwards by the giver - of rebuilding the recipient's psyche and comforting them for as long as they need - is vital for a symbiotic experience.

As long as there's the opt-out (control given to the recipient) and the post-experience grounding, any physical instruments in between are entirely at the discretion of your imagination.

Hope that helps a bit.

Grusha, I like you venturing into the unknown and can't wait to read your take on this subject.

Also, at some point add in a blindfold. Adds a whole other level of emotions and other senses come into play. What does your character hear? Smell? Taste?

For me, bondage is of course trust. Nothing builds a deeper connection like putting your well being in another's hands and having that person take care of you. But there'd always be an ounce of fear I think, and I think a little fear gets the blood pumping, heart racing even more.

For me submission doesn't mean a passive person either. I manage my own household, finances, demanding job, so the thought of someone taking control in the bedroom is very appealing. I don't have to think - just FEEL. Your man might be this way too. A powerful, dominant man outside the bedroom.

As for the feel of ropes or handcuffs, you could do a lot with that. What the tightening of steel against his flesh symbolizes. **Not trying to plug myself, but I did this is Can You Find Freedom in Handcuffs? story, if you wanna see what I mean.

Best wishes, Grusha!

Ah yeah, forgot to mention the blindfold. That's an underrated and powerful tool. Good catch, Kimmi.

Aso, an interesting point about the dominating / workplace thing. From my rudimentary observations, many super headstrong and successful people with busy careers sometimes appreciate the exact opposite in the bedroom and like to relinquish control. Maybe a balance thing?

That brings an intriguing dynamic where a comparatively meeker personality can assume the Alpha role in the bedroom, which can be a rush for both parties. Good story/character fodder as there's built in tension. See my Tabby series as an example.

Thank you, Krystal & WW & Kimmi, for your very thoughtful and varied advice. I think my challenge is that this is not going to be a BDSM story in any fashion, and I am clear that the pleasure the character takes does not derive from being dominated. He just likes being tied up and fucked - and I'm trying to work out why, because he is not in any way submissive. Getting to the bottom of his character is proving a fascinating journey.

Thanks for your recommendations of stories of yours to read - which I will do forthwith!

If you can't move, you're forced to feel. If you're not tied and someone does something ticklish, you squirm away. If you're tied, you're forced to feel that sensation and trust the person doing the deed will push past where you would normally go alone, but not go too far.

It's the same for teasing or edging someone. If you're alone, or with someone else and not tied up, you control the narrative to a certain extent. If it feels good, you thrust faster, or arch into the sensation. Even if you're edging yourself, there's only so much you can take before you want that rush of pleasure. Being tied up takes that option away. You can't move, all you can do is feel and wait, maybe eventually beg. But it takes you into a zone that you just can't really get to by yourself, or where you have control over your situation. And that's exciting.

Totally agree with the others that those with a submissive nature who are inclined to relinquish control in the bedroom may be the polar opposite in their daily life. Sometimes the madness of the day, the stress, the decision making, directing people... sometimes you just want to be able to forget all that and say, this is about me and pleasure.

I've heard 😇

Quote by GrushaVashnadze
Getting to the bottom of his character is proving a fascinating journey.

I love the way you phrase that. Characters really do take on a life of their own and can surprise the writer. It's joyous

Best of luck with the writing x

Quote by Jen
I love the way you phrase that. Characters really do take on a life of their own and can surprise the writer. It's joyous

Best of luck with the writing x

Why, thank you, Jen. That's the nicest thing you've said about me... 😊

Quote by Jen
Characters really do take on a life of their own and can surprise the writer. It's joyous

Tell me about it. I have had characters turn quite differently on the "page" than they initially appeared in my imagination. Which then can mess with the story and force me to take things in a different direction than I might have intended. But those are often the best characters, too.

Thank you, all, for your advice. The story resulting from these inquiries is up now:

It is entitled Akedah - and is my Biblical take on rope bondage...

Here is a link, in case you have a minute:

www.lushstories.com/stories/hardcore/akedah

Warning: it is very rude.

Grusha