A Dominate's thoughts on being a responsible Master

Quote by wolfprincess
a question to the submissives, if you don't mind.

How did you know you where a submissive?

and how did you come about your limits? and or have you found your limits?

Quote by TheQuietMan
I am happy to see this topic in the forums. I can relate to Driverman as I too finally realized what was inside of me for all of these years. I was fortunate to have someone much wiser then me to see what I was not seeing or understanding. without guidance and understanding I would still be searching for what I did not know.

Quote by TheQuietMan
I am happy to see this topic in the forums. I can relate to Driverman as I too finally realized what was inside of me for all of these years. I was fortunate to have someone much wiser then me to see what I was not seeing or understanding. without guidance and understanding I would still be searching for what I did not know. My little was my friend first and she answered so many questions, calmed fears and watch me grow. It was a perfect way to progress to where we are now and DD/little is perfect for us.

Now it is my desire to pass on knowledge to who ever I can so they can understand themselves better and learn how beautiful this life can be. To know that it is not always pain, beatings or misuse. There is nothing more loving that can happen then the moment the sub says. I am yours.

Quote by MsTwizzled
Thank you all for the information being shared here ... It is of great value!

Quote by Nordic_Pixie
I see all the time that people mix up what a Little/babygirl is and what age-play is. This is an attempt to talk about the main differences. I am sure others have more things to add or other perspectives on the subject, and if so, I would encourage you to join in.

Many people describe a little/babygirl as an adult who plays the role of a child at a certain age, which is completely different to how I see it. That definition to me sounds more like age-play which is simply role-play, pretend. I see age-play as a completely separate area of D/s. There is nothing wrong with age-play, but it's just different to a little or a babygirl. Often people get confused by the two, or consider them the same thing. I don't consider that the same thing in the slightest. Age-play and littles can work wonderfully when used together, as the two are not mutually exclusive. Age-play is more about the roleplaying of a child at a certain age, whereas for a little, being childlike is an innate part of their personality.

Being little is not about role-playing a certain age. It is part of your personality and about expressing inner emotions that you can't express in your "adult" life, like vulnerability, innocence, dependence etc. A little's way to do this is to act childlike. A little usually doesn't have a specific age, instead it'll vary along a spectrum. Factors like the environment they're in, the people they're with and their mood may affect how "little" a little is at any given point. If you ask a little (assuming they don't age-play) their age, they are likely to not be sure what to answer, make a guess based on how they feel, or they'll tell you their chronological age. An age-player is much more likely to know exactly what age they are playing as they are more playing the role of a child at a specific age. If you ask an age-player her/his age, then you will usually receive a concrete answer of the age they are playing.

Usually, a little won't snap in and out of their little mode straight away, it's a progression into it and a progression out of it. Age-players tend to be much more flexible in clicking into their childlike role and back out. Littles make wonderful age-players because someone who is naturally childlike can of course pull off the role of a child seamlessly.

A little/babygirl is an adult submissive who needs the positive male role model and craves the protection, but also needs the role close to a submissive. They feel vulnerable and crave protection and gentle care. They do not specifically play or feel at a certain age, they just crave the protection, support, reliability and nurturing nature of a Daddy Dom. It's not about role-playing a certain aged child, it's about expressing those childlike needs to the point that behavior may appear childlike. It's real, part of who the person is, not pretend.

Quote by Master_M
Having been a Dominant virtually all of My adult life, real time, not cyber, I have learned and experienced very much, and, I would not have exchanged any of those times for anything. Having felt the specialness of a woman offering her total and complete gift of herself to Me, to guard, treasure, and protect, that gift, is an almost indescribable feeling. Being poly, I am fortunate enough to have experienced that, more than a few times, and many of these M/s relationships have lasted 5 years, and longer.

Helping guide a sub through their everyday problems, giving them the information that they would need to make the choices best for them, helping them through those many difficult, emotional or physical times, letting them know that they were treasured, appreciated, wanted, in spite of everything going on in their personal lives -- and then, when all those times were overcome, being able to enjoy them, without those things hanging over their heads -- it brings a smile to My face, just writing about them, thinking about them, again.

Hopefully. most of you have never had to go through the worst possible time, of losing one of your treasured subs, when she is being taken away from you, knowing she will never return -- spending those last weeks, days, hours, with her, watching her slowly leaving you, being helpless to do anything to make her physically feel better, only being able to try to help her mentally happy, knowing she is treasured, while still trying to keep her sister subs as strong and focused as possible, but still allowing them their grief, knowing they are losing her, -- is a time that I hope none of You ever have to experience. There is no easy, or best, way -- You just do Your best.

I hope this has helped somewhat. and I wish all of You the best in this New Year.

Quote by Meggsy
I don't accept dominance or submissiveness in my relationships. For me 'companionship' is a mutual agreement and pleasure to enjoy with each other more or less equally.
I know many girls like to be dominated - so be it for them.
Many men I have known would be, if they could be - but not with me.
I am not a master/slave type of person and do not enjoy or engage in that form of relationship, having played the game a few times without enjoying the experience.
If it floats your boat find a crew that is happy with the arrangement - I see no harm in it for consenting couples.

Quote by wolfprincess


Thank you Meggs, yes you are right the lifestyle is not for everyone. and not every relationship one has will be the same.
Companionship is what we also seek though we at times like to have to give up the everyday stress of our demanding jobs or outside lives.

Quote by MdeSade64


I agree with you both. I have been a DOM since forever over 20 yrs. But every one of my partners enjoyed out play. I have never forced a partner into a scene. If they are having fun, then we are having fun. If there is any issue with my partner we stop. No problem.

Quote by MdeSade64


I agree with you both. I have been a DOM since forever over 20 yrs. But every one of my partners enjoyed out play. I have never forced a partner into a scene. If they are having fun, then we are having fun. If there is any issue with my partner we stop. No problem.

Quote by MdeSade64
wolfprincess, I am very patient. I'll leave it to you to tell me when you are randy...oops Ready... Just ask to be my friend and I'll get the hint...:)

A Matter of Choice.

subbyhillygirl:

From time to time, I read posts about submission. Many of them written by Dominants who say, “you have no choice,” and I have to admit, it really bothers me. Isn’t choice the foundation of a happy, functional D/s relationship? Isn’t this a pre-agreed-upon mutual power exchange? Aren’t you supposed to keep her, and care for her, and make sure that no [true] harm comes to her?

When I see Dominants writing nonsense about submissives having no choice, it makes me question their motives. I wonder, for them, is D/s nothing more than an opportunity to abuse someone and call it kink?

When a submissive chooses to defer to her Dominant, she is making the choice to place her Dominant’s needs and desires above her own immediate comfort. She needs more than anything to please her partner, so she must rely upon his good judgment and caring to know when enough is enough. The truth is that we will rarely say “uncle.” Even when we fear things will go too far, we believe in your good judgment and your desire to keep us safe. We put our faith in you, and give of ourselves everything we are and have.

A good Dominant surrenders his ego in an effort to do what is in the best interest of his submissive and of their relationship. She may not always want a spanking; He may not always be in the mood to give it - but he does so to maintain the balance, and to help her feel secure in the structure of their lives together.

So when I read posts under some generic black and white image of a girl kneeling in front of some dude in a suit, it frustrates and upsets me to see, “You have no choice, girl.” Because, yes - she most certainly fucking does.

A Matter of Choice.

subbyhillygirl:

From time to time, I read posts about submission. Many of them written by Dominants who say, “you have no choice,” and I have to admit, it really bothers me. Isn’t choice the foundation of a happy, functional D/s relationship? Isn’t this a pre-agreed-upon mutual power exchange? Aren’t you supposed to keep her, and care for her, and make sure that no [true] harm comes to her?

When I see Dominants writing nonsense about submissives having no choice, it makes me question their motives. I wonder, for them, is D/s nothing more than an opportunity to abuse someone and call it kink?

When a submissive chooses to defer to her Dominant, she is making the choice to place her Dominant’s needs and desires above her own immediate comfort. She needs more than anything to please her partner, so she must rely upon his good judgment and caring to know when enough is enough. The truth is that we will rarely say “uncle.” Even when we fear things will go too far, we believe in your good judgment and your desire to keep us safe. We put our faith in you, and give of ourselves everything we are and have.

A good Dominant surrenders his ego in an effort to do what is in the best interest of his submissive and of their relationship. She may not always want a spanking; He may not always be in the mood to give it - but he does so to maintain the balance, and to help her feel secure in the structure of their lives together.

So when I read posts under some generic black and white image of a girl kneeling in front of some dude in a suit, it frustrates and upsets me to see, “You have no choice, girl.” Because, yes - she most certainly fucking does.