Ok so I have a boyfriend, and since we met I have added spice to his sex life. I bite and I scratch. I even write my stories. I asked if he has read any but he says he does not want to read my past sexual experiences? Yet he would not explain why. So fellas why would he not want to read them he wont even read my fantasy stories??
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What does is mean when your boyfriend doesnt want to read your sexual experiences?
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Quote by ashflower
Ok so I have a boyfriend, and since we met I have added spice to his sex life. I bite and I scratch. I even write my stories. I asked if he has read any but he says he does not want to read my past sexual experiences? Yet he would not explain why. So fellas why would he not want to read them he wont even read my fantasy stories??
He must feel insecure would be my guess. Maybe he thinks that maybe your past experiences were so hot that he doesn't match up and he's worried that you'll leave him? A secure, confident guy like me would love to hear this kind of stuff and I'd even find it a real turn on ;) I hope you figure things out
Raised on Blackroot
Quote by naughty_uk_guy69
He must feel insecure would be my guess. Maybe he thinks that maybe your past experiences were so hot that he doesn't match up and he's worried that you'll leave him? A secure, confident guy like me would love to hear this kind of stuff and I'd even find it a real turn on ;) I hope you figure things out
You're being disingenuous. A guy can be secure and confident and at the same time not want to hear about your past sexual history, particularly vivid stories about it.
It's not something that would necessarily turn me on. I mean, I sure as hell wouldn't wan to watch any sex tapes my SO made with other men. That's effectively the same thing with the stories you are writing (if they are true accounts). I am as secure and confident as the next guy. Doesn't mean I wanna read about my SO fucking other dudes in the past, just like I wouldn't wanna watch her boinking some other dude on tape. Or, put another way, it isn't something I'd go out of my way to read.
As far as not reading your fantasy stories as well? Who knows. Maybe he thinks they have some semblance of truth in the past and particular things make him uncomfortable.
I dunno. Maybe you'd make him more comfortable reading your stuff if you had some kinky sex/role-play and turned that evening or use elements from that evening, into a story you'd write.
Question though. Does he even read erotica in the first place? Not everyone enjoys it.
Active Ink Slinger
some guys just don't want to know. doesn't want to be compared to them, doesn't want to think about your exs.
Active Ink Slinger
It means he is immature and insecure as a man, I LOVED hearing about my GF & wife's experiences....Steve.
Quote by ashflower
Ok so I have a boyfriend, and since we met I have added spice to his sex life. I bite and I scratch. I even write my stories. I asked if he has read any but he says he does not want to read my past sexual experiences? Yet he would not explain why. So fellas why would he not want to read them he wont even read my fantasy stories??
Who knows. He might have been more ok in the past, only for him to come back and haunt him and cause problems. He'd have to explain it to you.
My husband told me right when we met that he never wanted to hear anything about my sexual past. He was mute on the reasons until I became offended. Turns out - he had a sordid sexual history and didn't want *that* to come between us. By establishing we didn't talk or share anything at all about our sexual pasts we sidestepped any potential landmines (in his view). I still don't know how many women he had been with.
Honestly? I think he doesn't know each other. LOL he was a military guy who grew up in California and was extremely attractive. I put the estimates to be rather high. Maybe higher than me.
With your boyfriend you need to be certain he understands whether these are based on real experiences or not.
If there's nothing in your stories actually about your sexual history with your exes and he's just jumping to a conclusion, then there's the concern that you engage in a hobby and he wants nothing to do with it.
That can be personally hurtful and its up to you to decide how important it is that he knows and reads them. For me, it's essential that my husband reads at least some of my stories. I want him to be aware and care to some degree about something I enjoy.
He is the type that plays video games and a conservative man. If I went to a nude beach he would not want to partake. I think he is self conscious. For he is unwilling to let me clone his willy. Cause glow in the dark clone a willys are awesome. Its not like people would see the dong and be like oh that's your boyfriend. He has not had a lot of girlfriends and most of them has cheated on him.
He certainly sounds conservative and perhaps somewhat shy... I think he may not want to read your stories for a couple of reasons... I think he is afraid of being "shocked" by your fantasies and possibly turned off... Or that he would start to imagine you acting out your fantasies with previous boyfriends... It definitely sounds like he does not want to think of you with any other man or of your previous sex life... Of course then there is the possibility that he is afraid he may read your stories and feel he is unable to "compete" with previous lovers and feel inferior in bed... Confidence is definitely missing in his life... As far as the clone-a-willy, I am guessing he is imagining it wont "measure up" to other toys and is focused solely on the size issue... I was a bit apprehensive about making one for an ex a couple years back... But for her it was all about it being a part of me and turned out to be fun making one 
...
Ultimately it comes down to him opening up and talking about why he doesnt want to read them and what his concerns and fears are... Your reassurances can help him open up as long as he wants to be open and honest with you... If he doesnt want to or cannot out of fears, then it is a slow burning fuse that will explode some day... The best of luck to you!!!
... Ultimately it comes down to him opening up and talking about why he doesnt want to read them and what his concerns and fears are... Your reassurances can help him open up as long as he wants to be open and honest with you... If he doesnt want to or cannot out of fears, then it is a slow burning fuse that will explode some day... The best of luck to you!!!
Quote by MadMartigan
You're being disingenuous. A guy can be secure and confident and at the same time not want to hear about your past sexual history, particularly vivid stories about it.
It's not something that would necessarily turn me on. I mean, I sure as hell wouldn't wan to watch any sex tapes my SO made with other men. That's effectively the same thing with the stories you are writing (if they are true accounts). I am as secure and confident as the next guy. Doesn't mean I wanna read about my SO fucking other dudes in the past, just like I wouldn't wanna watch her boinking some other dude on tape. Or, put another way, it isn't something I'd go out of my way to read.
This exactly!!!
Wild at Heart
Quote by ashflower
Ok so I have a boyfriend, and since we met I have added spice to his sex life. I bite and I scratch. I even write my stories. I asked if he has read any but he says he does not want to read my past sexual experiences? Yet he would not explain why. So fellas why would he not want to read them he wont even read my fantasy stories??
Maybe he just doesn't think your writing is very good and he's being nice.
Quote by ashflower
Ok so I have a boyfriend, and since we met I have added spice to his sex life. I bite and I scratch. I even write my stories. I asked if he has read any but he says he does not want to read my past sexual experiences? Yet he would not explain why. So fellas why would he not want to read them he wont even read my fantasy stories??
I have nothing to gain by knowing, and since it would bother me a lot, everything to lose.
Active Ink Slinger
Would you want to read about him having sex with somebody else?
Active Ink Slinger
what is the point in telling him about what you did to other guys? where's the turn-on in that? why not write what you'd want to do to him?
or better idea: just do it. :P
also, why would you write about fucking other men if you know he's been cheated on in the past? that can send some messed up signals toward a guy in that state of mind. i'd even venture to say that's borderline cruel and unusual punishment towards him.
there's a reason why most people don't ask how many sexual partners their SO has had. we don't want to know that shit. that would be like him writing about how he loved sucking on his ex gf's huge tits and you were an A cup. it's just not right and only benefits the writer in a perverse way.
or better idea: just do it. :P
also, why would you write about fucking other men if you know he's been cheated on in the past? that can send some messed up signals toward a guy in that state of mind. i'd even venture to say that's borderline cruel and unusual punishment towards him.
there's a reason why most people don't ask how many sexual partners their SO has had. we don't want to know that shit. that would be like him writing about how he loved sucking on his ex gf's huge tits and you were an A cup. it's just not right and only benefits the writer in a perverse way.
Story Verifier
Hi,
Neat question. Some guys like to hear about it, some guys don't like to hear about it. That's all it is. I happen to be one of the ones who doesn't like to hear. I have adored my wife for 43 plus years. I will do anything (and have) for her, but I do not want to hear about her old boyfriends.
As far as "Immature" goes, bull shit. (I think I can say that here.)
I'm 71 now, have 6 kids, 3 girls, 15 grand kids, 7 girls, and 2 great grand kids, both boys. She was 5 years older than me and already had 4 kids, 2 boys, 16 and 14 and 2 girls 13 and 9 when I married her. In my immaturity I managed to get them through most of the problems and make everyone of them my kids and managed to get them all grown up, successful and with families. They all call me dad and come to me with problems because I'm the soft touch, not mom.
Well, they used to. Now the youngest is 36 and they make their own decisions, which is exactly what I was after. 5 years ago, at Christmas, it hit me. "I'm no longer in charge." I went around to each of them and told them that and gave them a big hug and thanked them for being my kid. Every one of them was sad hearing it and spent time reassuring me that I was still "Daddy" and always would be. That is one of the all time greatest ego trips.
In all of this what I have noticed was that the immature ones talked and bragged about their conquests and what their girl/boy friend could do. Yeah, a couple of the girls did talk to me because they all trusted me. I NEVER called them anything but, "My kids" and I never repeated what I heard, not even to their mother and that used to REALLY piss her off. As I cozzied them into understanding that every one of us is different and taught them to see past the surface, they changed their attitudes and talked less and listened more. They all learned to think.
Summary:
We are all different and trying to use our own personal feelings as a filter to describe some one else's choices is wrong. It's judgemental and immature.
Paul
I am the sum of all my decisions, good and bad, as are you. They are just different.
Neat question. Some guys like to hear about it, some guys don't like to hear about it. That's all it is. I happen to be one of the ones who doesn't like to hear. I have adored my wife for 43 plus years. I will do anything (and have) for her, but I do not want to hear about her old boyfriends.
As far as "Immature" goes, bull shit. (I think I can say that here.)
I'm 71 now, have 6 kids, 3 girls, 15 grand kids, 7 girls, and 2 great grand kids, both boys. She was 5 years older than me and already had 4 kids, 2 boys, 16 and 14 and 2 girls 13 and 9 when I married her. In my immaturity I managed to get them through most of the problems and make everyone of them my kids and managed to get them all grown up, successful and with families. They all call me dad and come to me with problems because I'm the soft touch, not mom.
Well, they used to. Now the youngest is 36 and they make their own decisions, which is exactly what I was after. 5 years ago, at Christmas, it hit me. "I'm no longer in charge." I went around to each of them and told them that and gave them a big hug and thanked them for being my kid. Every one of them was sad hearing it and spent time reassuring me that I was still "Daddy" and always would be. That is one of the all time greatest ego trips.
In all of this what I have noticed was that the immature ones talked and bragged about their conquests and what their girl/boy friend could do. Yeah, a couple of the girls did talk to me because they all trusted me. I NEVER called them anything but, "My kids" and I never repeated what I heard, not even to their mother and that used to REALLY piss her off. As I cozzied them into understanding that every one of us is different and taught them to see past the surface, they changed their attitudes and talked less and listened more. They all learned to think.
Summary:
We are all different and trying to use our own personal feelings as a filter to describe some one else's choices is wrong. It's judgemental and immature.
Paul
I am the sum of all my decisions, good and bad, as are you. They are just different.
I am always a gentleman.
Active Ink Slinger
He possibly is feeling insecure as someone posted above, just make him comfortable eventually he will want to curiosity is killer :P or tell him you posted a story about him and yourself that alone will spark curiosity
eventually he will want to curiosity is killer :P or tell him you posted a story about him and yourself that alone will spark curiosity Quote by MadMartigan
You're being disingenuous. A guy can be secure and confident and at the same time not want to hear about your past sexual history, particularly vivid stories about it.
It's not something that would necessarily turn me on. I mean, I sure as hell wouldn't wan to watch any sex tapes my SO made with other men. That's effectively the same thing with the stories you are writing (if they are true accounts). I am as secure and confident as the next guy. Doesn't mean I wanna read about my SO fucking other dudes in the past, just like I wouldn't wanna watch her boinking some other dude on tape. Or, put another way, it isn't something I'd go out of my way to read.
As far as not reading your fantasy stories as well? Who knows. Maybe he thinks they have some semblance of truth in the past and particular things make him uncomfortable.
I dunno. Maybe you'd make him more comfortable reading your stuff if you had some kinky sex/role-play and turned that evening or use elements from that evening, into a story you'd write.
Question though. Does he even read erotica in the first place? Not everyone enjoys it.
Quite right. This about covers it.
I just shake my head when folks instantly jump to "he is insecure".... it is like when someone tells you that your car is a POS, and you retort that they are just jealous... um, no, your car just might be a POS. If a guy does not want to read past sexual exploits of his SO it is not an indicator of anything other than he does not want to read about them. His reason could be anything, but to default it to insecurity or him being "conservative" is IMO misguided. He could be a super freak, and very confident, but still not want to read about his SO with other people.
Active Ink Slinger
I think it sounds like he is insecure, and maybe he thinks he can't live up to your previous sexual encounters. You said he is a little conservative so he could be afraid that you telling him your fantasies that he would be expected to perform them.