I've been thinking about this for a long time. Is it possible for a lass to be too understanding?
I don't like playing games, and toying with emotions. I prefer to be straight-talking and honest, although kindly and with respect. I've read here that many people like the chase. Numerous friends have said that we should leave the opposite sex wanting more. I just think that if you like somebody, and they like you, you should do things you like together, and be honest about it. And have some fun!
When I joined Lush, I was fresh out a barely-there relationship. We began to get very close very quickly after months of me supporting the lad through a break-up with his long-term partner. I realised I liked him, but I never said anything until he did first. Just a few days after that night, his ex appeared on the scene again, and he went back to her. I know he loved her very much, but he was beginning to move on. or so he said. I was obviously nothing much, since he stopped talking to me, pretty much.
Before him, I had a relationship of sorts with somebody who was in a broken marriage. He told me his situation, and I was prepare to wait for him when he asked me to. During that year of waiting, he asked me to have sex with him (I wasn't ready), and when I said no, he asked if he could take me up the bum instead. I know, my alarm bells went off, but I tried to be understanding.
He told me many fantasies of his, including some horrific imagery, some of which was legal, some of which wasn't. I tried my hardest to understand why he liked those things, or the idea of them, at least. I never judged him. I always listened to what he had to say, and if I ever struggled with things he said, I told him so, but never rebuked him for being honest.
As his personal life hit a downward spiral, he began to lean on me more and more. I was very ill with depression, but I tried my hardest to be there for him, to give the advice he asked for, to send him little care packages (which he asked for), and not say the things I knew would hurt him. I always found a nice way to give him the truth he was asking of me. Eventually, things came to a head (arf arf), and he decided to unleash some very hurtful words at me. Apparently, the only reason he was in any kind of friendship with me, was because nobody else would. He wanted me to "experience being loved".
And before him, there was a lad at college who spent weeks telling me his troubles, who asked me to be his girlfriend. We had spent so much time together (me listening, him whining, finding fun things to do that he enjoyed, and finding the brighter side of things where we could), and stupidly, I really liked him (despite how much his whining annoyed me). So I agreed. He suddenly confessed he quite liked my best friend, and told me he needed to go and confess it, so that he could get it out in the open and move on. He said he could then be with me freely. I didn't really understand (I still don't).
However, I agreed, and when he hadn't returned an hour later, I got suspicious and went to my friend's room. He was sat on the bed, and she was sat behind the desk. She acted awkwardly. and he couldn't get out of there fast enough. It turned out that he'd tried to snog her (even though she had a boyfriend), and he thought that by telling her he was going out with me, she would somehow be consumed with passion for him. She wasn't.
Whilst this is a long post, it's not nearly enough detail to make any assumptions about me, them, or the situations, but I want to know if it's my fault. Am I stupid for trying to understand people, and listen to what is important to them? I read things on here where I make snap judgements about people, and what turns them on, or what they are like. But I try my hardest to try and understand why they think like that. None of us are perfect, but is it my own downfall that I try to see where others are coming from?
So far, all it has done is lead to me getting both hurt and passed over for people who are "more attractive, sexier, better-looking, nicer" people than I am.
Should I really try and play cards that aren't mine, and try to be "sexy and alluring"? It's just not me. I'm not any of those things they say they are looking for. Do I care too much about other people? I know one of my faults is caring too much what others think about me, but is it a sex crime to want to please and listen to them, and desire that same respect back? Do I really have to play mind games to be found attractive? Maybe I am just the equivalent of the whiny "nice guys", but I just want to love and be loved with honesty and openness. Am I scuppering my own chances of that happiness by being so understanding?
Thank you in advance for honest replies.
