Why would a guy be obsessed with having his lover come visit only for a very specified time. No one else is in the picture, no meeting job ect to rush off to. And yet there is a specified time to be out by. And sometimes it's hard to deal with. Will have spent a wonderful afternoon, evening, then it's "" ok you have to leave in 5 minutes" clothes get carried to the couch and a reminder is given to ""focus"". We have had many a negative outcome over this, and it is still a problem to the point where we do not get together because of this separation issue. It is always in this direction, I am never rushing him, even if I do have a shot amount of time available. Any reflections on this particular " always a bachelor"" attitude. Is this very unusual or not?
Highly unusual behavior. There is a reason. The question is - what is the reason? You seem to imply that it's strictly a need for control of the situation. Highly unlikely. But even if it's true, it would be in need of some serious self-examination.
How well, and how long, have you known this guy? Are you sure he isn't married, or in a relationship?
With the information you have provided, something smells funny here.
strange to say the least, as they say Cherchez la femme!
Does he have anything else he does so habitually by the clock? Ask him.
Reminds me of my ex (boyfriend) who had a bit of - I wouldn't say disorder - but a mental 'consition' and he was insanely tedious over time. Like - everything was scheduled in his day by the clock. Of course things happened out of sync and it would ruin his mood.
I found it intolerable because I rarely notice the time
Sounds to me like you're not his only girlfriend.... I would guess it has nothing at all to do with remaining a bachelor, nothing to do with anything you do or don't do.... Are the times you do get together similar each time? and for a similar length of time?
You're a better woman than me, I would only let him rush me out the door once if it were me.
I'm gonna go wit wut Trinky said, cos it makes the most sense. No one deserves that. Id ask him bout it, tell him to explain. Unless ur ok wit that treatment.
†Jinxy Approved†
Thank you all for your thoughtful answers,
first of all there is no one else in the picture,this I know, so that is not the issue. He is very into efficiency, even in his time with me, is he a distant or non present lover, not at all. But his need for controlling everything, being efficient even when we are just relaxing together is omnipresent and our time together is planned in advance because of this fact. He knows that I have become very upset about it, and has made efforts to be "more gentle", and has said to me that he starts preparing my departure one hour in advance, which in my mind really hurts because he is feeling that he wants me gone an hour in advance of the fact, and we are not talking about spending 6-8 hours together, often it is 3 or 3.5. I am so, (too) attached to this man, really love him, and sometimes feel loved back, when I can pretend this part doesn't exist. It upsets him too when I relay my feelings and his response is to say well I need to protect us both so you can't come over for a while", then I feel like I am being "punished" for voicing feeling hurt.
I'm with Dancing_Doll and naughtynurse on this one.
You've got a bit of a catch-22 here, and really, the only one to lose anything in this relationship is you. I really suggest you take DD's words to heart, because she's really got it spot on.
Good luck!
"Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader - not the fact that it is raining, but the feeling of being rained upon." -E.L. Doctorow
Thank you all again. Am I being just a coward?
Oh boy ... this is a tough one. There could be many reasons. What's the timeline like. You have to be out by midnight? ... Or is it earlier? If he spends the night with you and you leave in the morning, maybe he's got a kid ... and he's not ready to make you part of that yet. Maybe he's got issues with a girl living with him for one reason or another. He might not be ready for a serious attachment. There are a plethora of possible reasons for this. We humans are a complicated species. Our brains do weird shit. The more details you give the more we may be able to narrow it down.
Edit: Looks like all this has been done. That will teach me to read the previous posts BEFORE I write my own.
Hmmm. Thanks for the feedback. This is not only about time, but about being efficient, but for what? However, my friend has certain amazing characteristics that keep me really really attached, like his ability to listen, to see his flaws even if he cannot and does not want to change particularly. He is also an amazing lover and a very intelligent and deep person, we have been together, and have been thru a lot, for almost 2 years. I feel like he is my soul mate, a source of great joy, but also sorrow.
Sounds totally OCD if you ask me. I can't believe he gathers your stuff and has you leave. Wow..that's extreme. Unless you get to the bottom of it, you'll eventually reach breaking point..and not return..if if there is not some kind of equality with how much you put into the relationship, it will fail. It's just a matter of time.
Sounds bizarre. Get a new "friend"
I'd run...as fast I could.
Just a couple of questions for you....What would happen I you stayed beyond the allotted time? Do you only meet at his place? Is this really good enough for you?
Quite personally, I think he seems to be self absorbed and perhaps even selfish requiring you to leave by a certain time. His obsession with time may be just one of his little quirks, but do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who isn't truly committed to you? Someone who is constantly pushing you away? From what I see here, he seems to be telling you that the relationship is strictly friends with benefits .... if you continue to see him, that is all it will likely ever be, there is an old saying about paying for milk when you already own the cow. Perhaps you should consider spending less time trying to force the relationship into what you want and should look elsewhere for the special man who will cherish the time that the two of you spend together. A man who will do things to prolong the time it takes to say good night at the end of the evening.
I think that if you continue to settle for what he is willing to give, then in the long run, you will end up resenting him. Especially if you are wanting more from the relationship. Not only do you risk resenting him in the long run, but you may ultimately appear unavailable to the one who will treat you the way your heart seems to be longing to be treated. You can still go back to being just friends with him and no benefits ....
If I were you, I would search my heart to decide if what you have with him is truly enough for you. Good luck!
Good answer my love very insightful
