Sorry, but girl-to-girl: he either needs therapy for a medical or psychological issue (e.g. depression) or you need a new boyfriend.
First off, how old is he. And second, if he's under 50 have him get a complete physical and tell the doc what's up so he'll know what to look for.
He is probably A sexual ..meaning he has little or no interest in sex
It is said that around 1% of the population is so inclined
The comedian Benny Hill was that way inclined.
That's cute.
Even if an episode of Benny Hill wasn't too good, the ending always was.
How long have you guys been going out for?
At least you pinpointed that it is his problem and your not the cause..... so as bad as that is, thats good for your psyche ..... Keep positive.... but then one must push the envelope to achieve the results, so keep trying and lets wish for the best...... So many other issues may be the result of the lack of interest..Complex! Good luck
So many responses... greatly appreciated.
First off, he's twenty (which I thought would work in my favor -- how wrong I was)
Secondly we've been dating for about six months.
Third, I had considered the possibility that he is asexual (I discovered this phenomenon when I studied psychology) but I was hoping it was just a case of applied hypochondria and that I was reading too much into it.
Lastly, unfortunately it may be his issue, but I'm the one who has to live with the results and it is destroying my self-esteem.
I have asked him to see a physician, but since he doesn't think there's anything wrong, it's a lost cause on that front.
Ling
Sassy Red-haired Beach Kat/Dune Goddess
If he's not getting into you, he's just not that into you. A man who loves a woman either wants her all the time, or loves her enough to make her believe he does. Move on...your self-esteem should not be in this guy's hands.
I don't know Ling, his whole obsession with a) doing it in private b) cleanliness - the shower thing, leads me to believe he could have mental problems related to sex - maybe thinks it's dirty or something.
He needs to book an appointment with Dr Zafia MD for a thorough evaluation.
What does he read and get horny, maybe you should try some role playing.
There has to be a reason that he isn't interested in sex. I like to masturbate, but that still doesn't stop me from wanting the real thing. Something must have happened to him previously. Explore that, and see what he says. And, if something was the cause of it, see if you two can work it out as a couple. If everything is fine and nothing is wrong with the poor man, then see if he is open to you having your needs satisfied by someone else. I could just say get yourself a B.O.B (battery operated boyfriend) and a share in Duracell stock, but it sounds like you want something more, such as human contact.
Ferte in noctem animam meam, Illustre stelle viam meam. Aspectu illo glorior, Dum capit nox diem. Cantate vitae canticu, Sine dolore acte, Dicite eis quos amabam, Numquam obliviscar.
Would you be able to tell us please more regarding Macroism and how it pertains to your situation? I did look this up and found very little on it.
Macroism... same thing as macrophila, I assume?
Ling, there may be something you haven't considered. How much experience does he have with women? In the shower with his hand, he's a major stud, and he never fails to make you happy. In actuality, he might well be terrified of getting it on because if he fails to please you, he'll feel like a complete failure. If he fails, you'll leave him for sure, if he can't succeed, he's not much of a man, and so on. At his age, it's easier to stick to the fantasy that always works, than to venture into new territory.
Reassure him, tell him no matter what the end result is, you will still want him. You might even play down your experience so he feels that you don't have super high expectations.
I ran into this with my last boyfriend before I met my husband.
Once I convinced him that just BEING with him was the most important thing and that I wasn't some super-vixen that expected perfection every time, he mellowed out. Yeah, the first few were less than spectacular, but with some understanding and a little direction, he got to be pretty capable. I hope his next girlfriend appreciated it!
"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere." - Groucho Marx
and just tell myself to get over it.
