I had previously asked the question about masterbation and I received a great many replies (for this I thank you).
Unfortunately I have another question which is semi-related.
I had the thought that my bf's lack of interest had to do with his enthusiasm for self-pleasure. After having spoken with him, I have learned the truth; but it is just as perplexing and damned annoying.
He is simply not interested in sex.
Do any of you (ladies or gentlemen) have any clue what might a gal in my position could do about this? This is a new one for me and since I'm not ready to take a vow of celibacy, what else might I be able to do?
Quote by DBarclay The comedian Benny Hill was that way inclined.
Is that true DB? You wouldn't think so with his particular brand of comedy. I rather like to think of him as a role model in the Sensuous Dirty Old Man sort of way.
Quote by DBarclay The comedian Benny Hill was that way inclined.
Is that true DB? You wouldn't think so with his particular brand of comedy. I rather like to think of him as a role model in the Sensuous Dirty Old Man sort of way.
He led a very quiet life alone in a small apartment, and rarely socialized
his work was his life. I know a few of his TV girls. he never was anything but a quiet man
off set they say.
At least you pinpointed that it is his problem and your not the cause..... so as bad as that is, thats good for your psyche ..... Keep positive.... but then one must push the envelope to achieve the results, so keep trying and lets wish for the best...... So many other issues may be the result of the lack of interest..Complex! Good luck
First off, he's twenty (which I thought would work in my favor -- how wrong I was)
Secondly we've been dating for about six months.
Third, I had considered the possibility that he is asexual (I discovered this phenomenon when I studied psychology) but I was hoping it was just a case of applied hypochondria and that I was reading too much into it.
Lastly, unfortunately it may be his issue, but I'm the one who has to live with the results and it is destroying my self-esteem.
I have asked him to see a physician, but since he doesn't think there's anything wrong, it's a lost cause on that front.
If he's not getting into you, he's just not that into you. A man who loves a woman either wants her all the time, or loves her enough to make her believe he does. Move on...your self-esteem should not be in this guy's hands.
I have thought about that several times, but I am just not able to at this moment. I have been able to 'break the ice' so to speak with regard to other ways to entice him.
FYI, I have told him that when he gets aroused reading stories, he can come to me and then cum with me. It has been helpful on this front I am happy to report.
I still get paranoid when he goes into the shower (that's where he most often masterbates) but I am learning to cope. Most of the time I chide myself for being a silly girl and just tell myself to get over it.
I don't know Ling, his whole obsession with a) doing it in private b) cleanliness - the shower thing, leads me to believe he could have mental problems related to sex - maybe thinks it's dirty or something.
He needs to book an appointment with Dr Zafia MD for a thorough evaluation.
Quote by nicola I don't know Ling, his whole obsession with a) doing it in private b) cleanliness - the shower thing, leads me to believe he could have mental problems related to sex - maybe thinks it's dirty or something.
He needs to book an appointment with Dr Zafia MD for a thorough evaluation.
In some ways I think he is afflicted with that particular hang-up... thinking sex is dirty. But in other ways, I KNOW that isn't the case. It's just figuring out which is which...
And thanks for the offer... but I think I'll pass on that one for the moment
There has to be a reason that he isn't interested in sex. I like to masturbate, but that still doesn't stop me from wanting the real thing. Something must have happened to him previously. Explore that, and see what he says. And, if something was the cause of it, see if you two can work it out as a couple. If everything is fine and nothing is wrong with the poor man, then see if he is open to you having your needs satisfied by someone else. I could just say get yourself a B.O.B (battery operated boyfriend) and a share in Duracell stock, but it sounds like you want something more, such as human contact.
Ferte in noctem animam meam, Illustre stelle viam meam. Aspectu illo glorior, Dum capit nox diem. Cantate vitae canticu, Sine dolore acte, Dicite eis quos amabam, Numquam obliviscar.
Quote by strangerknocking What does he read and get horny, maybe you should try some role playing.
Well without going into it overmuch... he likes ... unusual things with regard to what turns him on. Macroism is the technical term and it was another new one for me. Unfortunately it's not something that can be done in real life (that I know of).
We have compromised in that he will read the things that make him hot, and then bring the results to me. Wish me luck!
Well without going into it overmuch... he likes ... unusual things with regard to what turns him on. Macroism is the technical term and it was another new one for me. Unfortunately it's not something that can be done in real life (that I know of).
We have compromised in that he will read the things that make him hot, and then bring the results to me. Wish me luck!
Ling
Never heard of "Macroism". But, I'm glad that you two were able to find a solution. Good luck!
Ferte in noctem animam meam, Illustre stelle viam meam. Aspectu illo glorior, Dum capit nox diem. Cantate vitae canticu, Sine dolore acte, Dicite eis quos amabam, Numquam obliviscar.
Ling, there may be something you haven't considered. How much experience does he have with women? In the shower with his hand, he's a major stud, and he never fails to make you happy. In actuality, he might well be terrified of getting it on because if he fails to please you, he'll feel like a complete failure. If he fails, you'll leave him for sure, if he can't succeed, he's not much of a man, and so on. At his age, it's easier to stick to the fantasy that always works, than to venture into new territory.
Reassure him, tell him no matter what the end result is, you will still want him. You might even play down your experience so he feels that you don't have super high expectations.
I ran into this with my last boyfriend before I met my husband.
Once I convinced him that just BEING with him was the most important thing and that I wasn't some super-vixen that expected perfection every time, he mellowed out. Yeah, the first few were less than spectacular, but with some understanding and a little direction, he got to be pretty capable. I hope his next girlfriend appreciated it!
"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere." - Groucho Marx
Quote by castlequeen Ling, there may be something you haven't considered. How much experience does he have with women? In the shower with his hand, he's a major stud, and he never fails to make you happy. In actuality, he might well be terrified of getting it on because if he fails to please you, he'll feel like a complete failure. If he fails, you'll leave him for sure, if he can't succeed, he's not much of a man, and so on. At his age, it's easier to stick to the fantasy that always works, than to venture into new territory.
Reassure him, tell him no matter what the end result is, you will still want him. You might even play down your experience so he feels that you don't have super high expectations.
I ran into this with my last boyfriend before I met my husband.
Once I convinced him that just BEING with him was the most important thing and that I wasn't some super-vixen that expected perfection every time, he mellowed out. Yeah, the first few were less than spectacular, but with some understanding and a little direction, he got to be pretty capable. I hope his next girlfriend appreciated it!
He's capable of turning me on and getting me off, with the exception that he expects me to be ready to go whenever he says 'you ready?'. He has some 'moves' but he rarely uses them. I've tried to make him understand how this makes me feel, but he turns it around to be MY problem, not his.
and just tell myself to get over it.
