I was soul searching when my wife said she wanted kids, and I said I didn't actually want any (she knew my stance before marriage).
In the end, she said she'd leave if I wasn't going to father children for her, and I thought I could perhaps change my lifetime mindset of not wanting kids, especially as I loved my wife to bits.
Long story short, 5 years later, I don't really like having kids. I have no free time, I have little fun anymore, and 2 kids screaming their heads off around the house every day.
It's not their fault, and I love having them around about 5% of the time.
Anyway, I still would rather not have had any kids.
Do you enjoy life more now having kids, than you did before? Would you rather go back to the days of enjoying your relationship with your partner, hitting restaurants, cinemas, clubs etc, having a heap of fun?
I'm mid 40's and regret the decision to not stick to my laurels.
What are your opinions?
Your survey has responses for "yes" and "no". Does answering yes mean I was happier before or after kids? As the question is stated my answer could be, "Yes" I was happier before or after kids. But that won't tell you anything will it?
My happiness isn't dependant on anyone else but myself. I am in an interesting situation that often times dictates how I live my life. But I choose to stay in this situation for the time being. Despite that unideal situation I'm in, my life is pretty fucking happy. I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, a vehicle to drive. And yes I have kids that depend on me. Things could be much much worse.
Your kids are still young. But you do need to take sometime for yourself. Having kids doens't mean they have to rule your every waking hour. Parenting is a full time job and you and your wife need breaks. Couple things that work for us.
1. Get the kids on a schedule. Especially at their young ages, bathe and bed by a certain time every nigth. If they are in bed by 8-9pm every night, you'll have an hour or two to yourselves. Peace to the chaotic mind.
2. I get out once a week for an hour or so to play music. The hour rehearsing and the 15 minutes in the car to and from gives me time to collect myself.
3. She takes time during the week for her stuff too.
4. Go grocery shopping alone. It's strangely therapeutic.
5. Go play golf with the guys once a month or so. She can go do something with her girlfriends once a month or so.
6. Go on a date during the month. Even if it's just Burger King and a movie.
My kids made my life immensely better. But I decide my happiness.
When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates I am happier because of my child
Widowed and in my Mid 30s with 3 kids. They are what I live for. Happy does not describe the joy they give me.
lafayettemister, thanks for the words of advice. You're right, I need to make time to do more of the things I / we used to enjoy, prior to having kids. I booked a restaurant for Valentine's Day, and organised a friend to babysit, I can't remember the last time just us 2 went out.
WellMadeMale - your answer doesn't surprise me in the slightest. lol.
kids bring you the greatest pleasure in your life they also can bring the biggest pain
Really can't say since my wife already had a child when I married her. What I do know is this...Many of our childless friends tend to have a mundane and very monotonous life. Sure the ability fuck wherever and whenever you want is awesome when you're newly weds but it dies down after a while. I enjoy the time we spend with the kids. The lack of "privacy" only makes us look forward to and appreciate the few moments we do get. But it doesn't make us any less happy as a couple.
It's not a yes or no answer. Happiness can be found anytime you want to embrace it.
Hmm thats a hard question to answer so precisely for me. Im middle 30s and one child whos 3 and she is smart funny cute loving joyful and shes also aggrivating opinionated too smart for her own good mouthy as hell destructive beyond belief. Would i go back if i could? not a chance in hell. Do i miss the days of not waking up to CUP WHERES MY CUP!!!! or hearing my pet scream for help because my daughter is strangling him? of course but life is about change and though rarely does life go exactly the way we intend there is no rewind button.
