I know this is a very old post but I'm still gonna throw out my input on this subject for the hell of it. In my opinion, when it comes to the woman I settle down with, it wouldn't bother me how many sex partners she's had. In all honesty, as odd as it sounds, I find women who's been with several people pretty arousing. As long as she's clean and in good health, I don't care how many cocks have been inside her. What's wrong with a woman with much experience?And also, in her past, if she's been DP'd, in a threesome, gangbanged or anything that has to do with multiple sex partners at once...I would be really aroused. My biggest turn on is to see a woman being pleasured by two or more men. Watching a sexy girl bent over with a cock in her mouth and one in her pussy being fucked from behind...instant erection. Anyways, besides fantasies and being sexually open-minded, I believe if you're in love with someone and found something in someone worth calling him/her "the one"...it really shouldn't matter what they did in their past. We learn from the past, to get us to the present to prepare us for our future. You have to accept ones flaws to have a successful relationship. Lastly, if you can't accept someone at their worst, you don't deserve them at their best.
Been lurking as a guest for the last several days until this topic piqued my interest enough to give my own two cents, no matter if this thread seems a bit dated now or not.
At first blush, I think the obvious answer is that sexual history in a girl's past is merely that, history. Irrelevant. As long as the things she's done haven't ruined her mentally or physically (STDs) it seems silly to dwell on it. A casual relationship, it's possible it would be a problem. However, working under the premise that this particular girl is "the one" it shouldn't matter too much. If she makes you feel happy, secure, and loved, you're already far ahead of most relationships these days it seems. The caveat is if these old experiences rear their ugly head in the present or future. I wouldn't want any surprises I'd feel uncomfortable with such as group sex, swinging, etc. The only major issue in all this would be the obvious: , etc. That's a no fly zone for me.
At the same time, however, learning of former prostitution or any sexual acts for monetary gains would be a tough one to swallow for me personally. It's just strange to me to want to sell your body to anyone who has the coin to use you how they please. Though I can't really speak much to that. I'm no saint. When I was only slightly younger than I am now, I studied abroad in Europe and happened to weekend in Amsterdam. You can deduce from there. Only tried that once, but from that very limited experience, those girls are still people. Hell, I actually talked with her for quite some time and had her giggling like mad in a good way. So, if we're talking prostitution in the past, I'd at least like to know the reasons why. I wouldn't go screaming bloody murder if she used to be, but I'd need time to think though.
A former porn star is a tough sell. Mainly because of the high chance of probability numerous partners were had without the use of condoms (whether stars or routinely tested or not) and you just can't be for sure what did or didn't happen with them or what their own health problems were/are.
Gangbangs would be tough as well. While somewhat of a fantasy, I'm more of the purely monogamous sort once I've found "the one". I'd mainly have issue with her just letting a bunch of strangers fuck her. That' worse, imo, than an environment where she knows everyone involved. Again, this goes back to whether the "past" remains in the past, or whether she expects gangbangs or other certain proclivities from me in the future.
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Really, it all comes down to trust and communication. I don't have a problem with females who greatly outstrip me in sexual adventures or experience. Heck, the last girl I was with outnumbered my experience by a good 15+. That doesn't matter. She was awesome. Intelligent, nerdy, kinky, and digs video games, etc. Plus, there's a certain attraction to being with someone you really love and view as "the one" who happens to have more experience and sexual openness. Within reason, it can be a real treat to learn new things or discover kinks she has that you may also discover you have as well.
So in all that convoluted mess of text I wrote, I'd say it is a very much no it doesn't matter while at the same time yes. Some things are easier to accept than others. That's the nature of us humans.
One last note. If she also views ME as "the one" it makes things easier. And again, as long as she doesn't have expectations of me doing similar things from her past that she knows I'm uncomfortable with, there shouldn't be an issue.
And no one lives a perfect life. We all do shitty things and have done shitty things to other people and engaged in acts we regretted and can't take away. If we all judged each other solely on the mistakes or actions of the past, we'd all be one miserable lot of meat bags. We'd never find the "right person" to settle down with.
I would first get a test for std. Just to make her comfortable I would do one too. After that I would use her experience as an advantage for me!
Guys with sluttish wives that have any years to there marriage is the exception and not the rule. You eventually tire of her and or become suspicious of her. I’ve had several friends that have had 2 or more marriages before they turned 30. guys typically want to wear there wives on there cuffs. You want them to have there own money yet are bothered when they’re not at your beckon call. Meaning god help them if they have a job that might interfere with his wants or needs. Said all that to say most guys will give up the sluttish girl for a trophy wife if given the choice. Not to say he won’t wander to the sluttish type for a quick romp.
We trophy wives have to keep our night reading private. Because if we let it out of the bag (your deepest fantasies) then you wonder what else (what secrets) we may have. Keep in mind that just because we fantasize, it doesn’t mean we really want to bed your best friend nor a co-worker. If we let you in (into our fantasies) then you’ll want to act on them. Reality is not fantasy and fantasy is not reality.
I’m rambling; I think you all get the jest of what I mean.
Why should it prevent her from being "the one"? Maybe the guy's history is even more sordid
I think when I was 17 or 18 it might have made a difference. My biggest concern is ahd has been for a long time is trust and honesty. I want a woman I can unconditionally love and who will unconditionally love me. That can only happen with trust and honesty.
Honesty means with me and in the future. Honesty does not mean we have to list all other lovers, sexual situations, fantasy we ever had, etc.
For God sake people. Are we 'reasonably' mature and mentally stable or not?
I don't mean to insult or demean anyone. I just get very frustrated with these issues. I have been burned by the most upstanding women you would ever meet. I have become friends with women with whom I know nothing of their past. And I am not, by a long stretch, a perfect person.
Humans may judge, but love doesn't because it sees nothing but the heart in the person, nothing else.
Humans may judge, but love doesn't because it sees nothing but the heart in the person, nothing else.
As long as they are clean, devoted and honest...no, her past would not be a roadblock, but may be a turn on!
I would not pursue any kind of relationship if I knew what she was like, or had a reputation. Its not in my DNA to lets face it, 'slut around' for lack of a better terminology, so I could not envisage myself being with someone who has done a lap or two. Not that there is anything wrong with that, I just would not travel down that path with that person. I need, and have, someone with similar values. Sorry..
No. Nothing can outright prevent a woman or man from being the one.
Somebody who has certain medical conditions would have a harder time getting me into bed in the first place, and I think we all (more or less) agree that's a necessary step on the road to determining somebody's status as "the one", or not.
With that said, my partner and I have radically different sexual histories. She had certainly had more long term sexual partners than I did prior to our getting together, and while I certainly went through a more or less asexual period for a few years, I was definitely more of a slut than she ever has been. So far it hasn't bothered either of us, and I doubt it will.
It's pretty difficult during that 'wonder of me' time, ( the first few hours of impressing the shit out of each other) to find out each other's sexual history. But, sometime before hopping into bed, I'd like to know if I was about to be doomed for life with some STD. That's the deal breaker. Other than that, the past is simply the past. We all have one. I have several.
I would assume that I knew this person very well before we reached the skeletons in the closet part. And if I loved her before knowing, I would have to accept that those thing are apart of who she is; just like how every event in my life (both things I regret and things I'm proud of) make up who I am. So no, it wouldn't change things.
I think if the guy doesn't like hearing it, hes got a bit of jealousy in him, and that's never a good thing. If it is really 'the one', you should be able to talk about everything. I love hearing my wifes stories, they turn me on, and she was a total whore who was an escort in London for years. Gangbangs, stag parties, you name it shes done it. We've been together for 17 years.
Absolutely Not!!!! You love her for who she is not who she was. We all have a past we want to forget, but that should not deter you from being with "the one" who truly makes you happy.
Yes, there are things that would be a deal-breaker, AND there are things that I'd rather not know - gangbangs, bukkakes, double-penetration, group sex, worked in prostitution/escorting or into certain fetishes that you weren't interested in...
Some of the examples you give I would be OK with (in the past) - enjoyed having sex with women, was involved in porn or online sex sites for pay as a performer, model or webcam girl, was a stripper at one point...but none of these are applicable for my wife so it's hard to say for sure.
Current participation in these activities probably means she's not into our relationship, or needs some serious counseling.
Great questions - thanks to those that revived this post!
For me, it's actually a turn-on if a woman has had a significant amount of partners in their past, chooses you, and is sexually satisfied.
History doesn't matter, if love is there its all that matters. We all have skeletons in our closets
Heck no — it just means that we will have a load of fun and she is not shy about sex.
I agree with those who've said: If it's a problem, then she's not the one.
nope .... i'm fine with their past sexual experiences ... 'm going to live with her presently and 'm gonna spend my life with her in the future ... its how i love her, i love her for who shez now and not how she was !!
I have to say that if I woman trusted me enough to tell all about her 'sordid' past, that would confirm for me she was the one!
There is nothing she could have experienced in her past that would make me think less of her. That's not my business.
Never!!!
rolfster I completely agree!!
Her having been in pornmovies would most likely deter me. I could not know that anyone could watch her having sex at anytime. Dealbreaker.
No. You fall in love with a woman at a certain point in her life because of the person all her prior experiences have made her. I want to know about those prior experiences, I want to know all about her. This helps me understand her better. I expect her to be open and honest with me. Knowledge of her past, sexual and otherwise, is not to pass judgement but to understand the woman I love. Frankly a wild, adventurous past is a turn on.
